I still don't understand... Why the shy guys are never given a chance?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend... We talk about girls all the time. He claims that he's the perfect guy and he takes pride in not sleeping around with random girls, just ones he gets close to. I understand that mindset, but at the same time, he wanted to go make-out with a girl that he knows likes him, just because he was "horny" and he doesn't feel anything for her at all.

The whole night he was making rude remarks about her body and stuff, just being objective of the girl behind her back. What does he do though, he shows confidence and knows how to sweet talk girls. But even though, he thinks he's the perfect guy, all I saw in that incident was him just being another manipulative guy like most. He was playing with her emotions when it all came down to it just for a little bit of self gratification.

I talked to him about it afterwords, I didn't like directly accuse him of doing something wrong, because I realize that's just how he is, but I wanted him to understand that I wouldn't have done what he did. And he laughs at my side of the story a bit, but he claims to understand. I don't think he does completely.

Now here's my story. I'm very respectful of girls. I never make comments about a girls body that come off as rude or anything. I'm not a bad looking guy, people say I'm better looking than my friend, even though he's in better shape than me. I'm a good guy, though, a little shy around girls when it comes to romantic things, but I can talk to them and have a nice conversation. I generally keep my hands to myself. And I don't just settle for any girl.

I want a girl that I can fall in love with, and I want to save myself for "the one" in terms of having sex. I want sex to be so meaningful and special... I would never use a girl for my own personal gratification if I knew she liked me. I know I wouldn't come out satisfied, and I'd feel guilty...

But girls just don't seem to like me. Like they're friendly, I'm friendly, but they don't feel any attraction to me.

I just don't understand why guys like me, that aren't pigs, are never the ones to be looked at by girls. I'm 19 and have never had a GF, or really even been on a date.

I just wish a girl would just give me a chance to spend some quality time with her, and give me a chance to open up and show her the real me, because I'm shy and its hard to be myself in public a lot of times. I think she'd find a lot to love, I have a lot of talents and everything, I'm athletic, and I have a lot of love to give, but I don't just throw it out there for the sake of personal satisfaction.

When I develop feelings for someone, I mean it. And I only want to show my love when I mean it, but I haven't ever gotten that far yet... :(

Any opinions or advice?

Thanks.

[shortie]

Well you sound slike a nive guy so I know this is whnot what you want to hear but... women like confident, edgy guys who make things exciting- yes, as we get older we grow up and want to be with a real adult obviously, but whilst we're in out 20's we don't want to date guys who are sappy, lack confidence with girls and/or are too shy to make a move, we want confident guys who arenlt afriad to make it clear that they're interested, and aren't constantly waiting on us to make a move and show we're interested before they do something...Sorry to be blunt but its true, women like being approached (obviously not by sleazy guys) and like feelign as if a guy is going to sweep them off their feet and make life exciting for them.

I know the friend uyou described is a COMPLETE jerk, but in this situation, he got girls' attention because he was probably confident and forward and knew what he wanted...thats really attractive to girls- obviously you don't need to be liek hi, because he's not such a nice guy, but being TOO reserved is a trat which can mean both attarctive men and women end up getting ignored because they're not upfront and self-assurred enough.

'I just wish a girl would just give me a chance to spend some quality time with her...' That seems to be where the problem is- you're expectign a girl to make things happen fpr you, but if you want girls interetsed, you have to go for it- you have to be willign to be the one who initiates thigs and shows tyour interest first, and also, don't take dating etc. so seriosuly and expect every girl you lik to become your girlfriend or something, just see it as a it of fun i.e. try going out to some cool bars with a few good friends and just start talkign to girls, not necesarily ones you're crazy about, but tahts a good way to practice and get confident around girls, just gettign out there and talkign to them, practicing your flirting- take one of your OTHER nice, confident friend who isnlt such a sleaze along and even observe how he is aroudn women. But for now, as I said, just enjoy hthing is you're still yougn ;-D don't take anything too seriously and just try meeting lots of girls without placing th burden of too much expectation upon things, and that could end up resultign in what you want xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[mrsvincenoir]

Well your mate sounds like a bit of a to$$er,nice to see a guy who doesn't think like that for a start.

Its not that shy guys aren't given a chance,its that guys who aren't shy get more of a chance because they put themselves out there,seem more confident and "chase" the ladies.

Women like to be chased and actively pursued and that's not going to be as simple for someone who is shy to do.

This is why you get put in the friend catagory I think,because you aren't as forth comming.

All of your good qualitys that you list sound lovely,but how is a girl going to know that about you,or get to see that if you don't pursue them? "Nice conversations" are lovely,but women need you to do a bit more then that to get them,if that makes sense.

The whole badboy attraction thing is something we (im speaking from personal experience though) are interested in when we are younge and don't know any better,the ladies with any sense quickly learnt lessons about that and that's when guys like you are what we want, although that may not sound very flattering,its like nice guys don't get appreciated until we have something to compare you with-The first few guys I had r.ships with were kind of shy,"nice" guys,they were like guys out of fairytales and I didn't appreciate it beause I didn't know any better.Bad is exciteing,for a little while then it gets very very boring lol.

Anyway,you say you are waiting for "the one" and you don't just want any girl,well anything worth having is worth waiting for,right? The right woman for you will appreciate you for everything you are,and if its true love you are waiting for-that doesn't come along everyday,some people say they never find it.

I say don't be dishearted,you are playing the long term game,it will be so worth it in the end,QUALITY not QUANTITY.

Dont give up on it ;o)

[meplusabeemer]

I am older than you and I can ASSURE you that you will find a girl for yourself. The attributes you mentioned are like music to any woman's ears. Girls, like guys, have to go through the maturation process with relationships. As we date more and play the field, we start to find out what we truly want and desire in a significant other. It goes way beyond the physical attributes and deepens into what values he has, how he treats her, how we mesh, his interests and goals in life, his professional life and goals and what he is looking for in the future (i.e. possibly a family etc.).

You get to a point where you're tired of the mind games, the playing and the wishy washiness of certain people. You start to seek out guys with subsidence who have something to offer. I have found that sometimes they tend to be the shy, quiet guys.

Take it from me because I speak from experience, you will find someone who will compliment you and hopefully meet your every desire. Finding someone is all about timing, location and luck. When you find her, make sure she treats you as well as I know you'll treat her.

[Anonymous]

Stop being a white knight is my advice. Girls don't prefer the 'asshole' but they definitely prefer asshole over white knights who are boring as hell. Just be a normal fucking dude and treat women like a normal person. Don't put them on a pedestal like you seem to be. Women in general prefer a guy who's willing to be fun and edgy around them like poking fun at them or some times 'objectifying' them while also being there for them emotionally. Balance out your approach and you can fine someone that fits your description. Don't be the guy who listens to girls talk about their 'mean' boyfriends. It's better to be the mean boyfriend than the sad lonely guy listening.

[Dela1111]

Well the reason that you haven't had a girlfriend is because you have a mindset just like a girl. There's not going to be a girl that just comes up to you and asks you to be her boyfriend, or to go on a date. You were born a guy, so you have to accept the responsibilities that come with that. Its your responsibility to get the girl, not the other way around.

Being as sensitive as you are now, you're just going to get taken advantage of. As bad as it sounds, your friend seems to have his stuff together, while you don't.

[Asker]

Yep, he really has his stuff together when he is emotionally abusive towards women...

C'mon... I don't expect girls to ask me out, it's happened once before, but she wasn't for me. I just expect a little interest. I just want to have a decent idea in knowing if maybe a girl like me or not, but girls don't seem interested in me.

I get the "You're a good friend" speech. Yeah I'm just that, a good friend, but that doesn't mean I can't be a good BF. I feel that no one understands me.

[Dela1111]

You just don't understand what it takes to get a girl.

[rainy_days92]

Well, girls...are like cats. They will have nothing to do with you unless you give them attention I suppose. Well, that's how I am. I won't notice or talk to a guy unless he talks to me first, I guess I'm kinda shy in that aspect. But I've noticed a lot of girls are like that. You could have a lot of girls who might meet you and think you'd be good boyfriend material but they'd be too afraid that you'd turn out bad or that you wouldn't like them. I would suggest that you talk to them and show a little interest. Girls notice when guys have an interest for them and I know this might seem cruel but they'd be more prone to date you if you showed interest. I'm sure though that you'll find a great girl out there. :) In fact, I'm positive.

[rainy_days92]

I suggest that you make a list of the good qualities that you would want in your girl. And really THINK about them, just the characteristics that make up the girl. And then go out and try to match not all but roughly half or so of those characteristics. If your looking for a girl then go out and look for her, it's okay to be a little picky sometimes. Once you've found her, don't be afraid to start a conversation with her. Maybe she's reading a book or doing something that you like or what not. Just try and befriend her. Trust me, this works. And you said so yourself, your better looking then your friend and yet he gets a lot of girls, that will help on a first impression. And when you two get to know each other, then ask her out on a date. But I warn you, do not be TOO sweet and nice with girls. That's kind of a turn off. Just be yourself and be cool.

[Adeniyi]

dude , just go to one of your females friends(that is interested/ or if you are interested in them) ask her out to the movies .dinner,lunch,etc... and then you start talking to her about things from there, and let her no you are shy and tell her all this things you posted on here. o_0 I was just like you once

[Rainbows]

Why are you friends with him? He sounds like a real douche.

It's entirely possible that girls have liked you without you knowing. Lots of girls are not particularly obvious when they like a guy. Honestly, if you are attractive and athletic and shy and nice, I'm sure there are lots of girls out there that would like you. They're probably just shy, themselves. Shy people are often attracted to other shy people.

Have you tried taking the initiative and asking girls out?

[Anonymous]

Whoa, you sound like the perfect kind of man, honestly! Don’t change who you are—I’m sure that the right girl will come along, it just isn’t time yet. Everything happens for a reason—maybe you haven’t met the right girl yet, and God or fate or whatever you believe in wants to make sure that you don’t end up with the wrong one, ok? Keep on keeping on and like be who you are. The right girl is out there, it’s just a matter of time.

[Littletad]

Because shy guys lack the confidence and daring personality that girls are attracted to. You cannot be "perfect" in your mind and expect women to notice.

You must be a little outgoing, confident, and have a willingness to take risks.

[BADBOY_IDGAF]

Girls are not attracted to nice guys,

Click on my profile and look at the question I posted.

[rainy_days92]

They can be, but the guy can't be TOO nice. A lot of girls like nice guys, especially if they've had some bad boyfriends in the past. Girls like to feel special and cared for, but not SMUTHERED. But some girls like different guys, for material things like if he dresses nice or has a nice car. Or if he's hot. It's all in what the girl wants. Girls and guys are a lot alike then people think. Some girls want a hot, sexy guy. Just like some guys want hot girls, both for the same reason. Sex.