Search Results: feeling alive

Oh, okay. So this is going to be a weird one across the form but I’ve meet and seen people who have similar feelings that I do about this with no resolve.

I don’t understand why; but I have a strong urge to have someone beat me up. I don’t mean severely either to where I’m barely breathing, let alone alive. I just mean a few bruises, maybe a busted lip, bloody nose, cuts deep but not deep enough to cause anything serious. But not only that, I want them to do it in a secluded wooded area and tie me up and then just leave me there once they’re done.

I know it sounds absolutely fucking insane to actually want someone to do this to you and willingly go along with it; I’ve even wanted to pay someone to do it, but I’ve never posted anything because I don’t want to die and I figure that’s exactly how I’d attract someone wanting to kill me.

It’s not an obsession either, it’s just an urge I get every once in awhile and it’s almost crippling when it’s brought on to the point I’ve thought of beating myself up in place of another just to see if it’d stop the madness but I am not strong enough to cause bruising to myself, let alone bleeding (I’ve tried to no avail).

I’ve brought it to the attention of my therapist recently and she dismissed it with the idea that its natural to have such violent thoughts about our wellbeing, such as wanting to be in a car crash, or getting hit by a car. It’s a desire to be in a situation beyond your control that could potentially be lethal, and I’m not discrediting it because she’s probably right but I just feel as though this just isn’t the same thing.

few days ago me and this guy sexted, 20 mins after, he stopped replying to the conversation, it's been almost a week and he hasn't opened that message even though he replies to other people on other social media, and I texted him there and he gave me replies that seemed to lack excitement. Then just yesterday he sent me something along the lines of " Hey sorry, haven't been feeling like texting, but just letting you know that I think about you and Im alive and ill be texting you one day lol dont give up hope" no emojis, and still hasn't opened my message on another social media from last week. The thing is whenever he texts me, he seems eager to talk to me, flirts with me and we have great conversations, we joke, we argue (in a friendly manner) and we kind of make each other jealous and make a joke out of it. He does call me dude, but he told me not to friendzone him, and most times he calls me babe and cute names.