Difficult times will hit any relationship. I don’t mean the ones we create ourselves like lying or cheating. I’m talking about not seeing eachother much due to continuing education or crappy work schedules (or both), financial strain, health issues, miscarriages, death in the family, disabled children, legal issues, etc.
The first thing most people want to do is pull away and not talk to the SO about it. As your SO, you should consider them your partner, therefore you should be able to express yourself to them. If they judge you for being emotional during a crisis, then they’re likely not the person for you. You should never have to feel like you should have to hide your feelings.
During the stressful time, don’t forget to nurture your relationship. This doesn’t mean sex or gifts. There are so many things you can do to strengthen it (and depending on the issue, you may not be able to have sex anyways).
Here are some easy ways of keeping afloat during troubled times:
Have a monthly date night
Dessert in bed
This can go with date night or completely separate. After a long stressful day, nothing is better (for us) than cooking a giant chocolate chip cookie in an iron skillet, covered with ice cream, chocolate and caramel syrup, nuts, and served hot. Clothing optional. We eat it while watching a movie and drift into a seratonin coma.
Cook together
This can be part of date night or part of any meal (although depending on who’s present, you should consider your cooking attire). Bantering in the kitchen can be fun as is... being close while cooking is incredibly sexy... my husband washing the dishes while I make a huge mess is a dream come true. When we cook together, we usually make it passionate. If I am cooking for a lot of people, we are more functional like a team. We change our roles to fit the situation. And the kids seeing a little PDA in the kitchen is not a bad thing. They see a healthy relationship.
PS, don’t cook anything with grease or oil shirtless or nude.
Bathe or shower together often
Again, this doesn’t have to be about sex. Bathing or showering together helps both parties become relaxed and comfortable in their own skin with their partner. There is a sense of freedom when you no longer have body image issues with your SO. Don’t neglect your SO; wash them, run your fingers through their hair, wash their beard (if they have one). Not only is it extremely sensual to get your hair washed by your partner, it releases feel good hormones. That’s why everyone loves getting their hair washed at the salon. Soap suds will inevitably get everywhere, laugh together.
Massage each other
When we’re super stressed or we’ve been working hard, nothing beats a hot shower together followed by a massage. We usually take turns and do a full body massage, unless it’s needed due to injury or such. Be sure to have a good lotion, oil, or body cream. Doing a massage dry can chafe making it uncomfortable. If you’ve never used the lotion before, test it on your fire arm or lower leg the day before for allergies. There’s nothing worse than having a full body contact allergy.
The massage can be as sensual as you want it to be, but take cues from your partner. Don’t be lazy and rub rub and then try to jump to sex. Take your time and your partner will be receptive. If they aren’t, please be considerate on why they needed the massage in the first place.
For extra points, couple this with dessert in bed.
Do mundane things together
So you both want to read books? Snuggle while you do it. You want to do different things? If possible, snuggle while you do it. Proximity and touching your SO can trigger those awesome feel good hormones. If they’re so easy to obtain, why not take advantage of it?
Go shopping together
Who hates shopping? I do!! My husband does as well. We strive to make it enjoyable when we go together, though. Buying groceries is tollerable when we’re walking around holding hands. We also sometimes throw fruit at eachother to put into the basket, we have fun in the non food isles. We treat any time together as special.
Play a game together
This can be video games, board games, card games, anything. A little competition can help relationships (as long as both are good sports), co-op helps with closeness. If you play video games but your SO doesn’t, you can try playing a RPG and have your SO be in charge of the real life map/walkthrough so you can beat the game. Another fun option is horror games. One person plays while the other inevitably covers their head shrieking at jump scares.
Don’t forget to play with your kids, if you have them. Family game night is a great de-stressor.
Find a hobby together
This can be anything you both have interests in from the geeky, outdoorsy, sporty, etc. the goal is to find others (possibly couples) who share your interests as well. Making friends as a couple makes it easier to hang out with said friends when your SO isn’t available. There is less distrust and suspicion.
Again, you can include your kids in your hobby and make it a family hobby.
Every relationship takes work. So many couples give up when things get hard in their lives. I admit, it’s be easier at times, but in the long run, I’d just be repeating the same decisions I’ve made in the past. I aim to “fight”.
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