Search Results: forgive me anger

If you haven't read my other question please do first.

so like I said before, my boyfriend (now ex) cheated while we were together. Through, talking and spiritual guidance, I managed to be able to forgive him. However, I did break up with him for the sake of my trust issues. We managed to start over and develop a friendship. Now, I really wanted to build a friendship without fb/gf intimacy. He, on the other hand, was wanting to do whatever it took just to get me back. I understand. I hoped that overtime I could trust him again and we could get back together. Everything was great until a couple days ago he found out the girl he cheated on me with is pregnant. I am still in shock at this moment. Like, there's a time when someone has had enough and I feel like this is that straw that broke the camels back. Not only do I have to struggle with trust issues, but he is asking me to accept this. Accept a child. Accept another woman. Accept all of this drama into my life when I did nothing. 18 years of a reminder of his infidelity. I just don't think I will be able to tolerate it. I am a great kind person but this... this has built up a lot of anger and pain inside. I just feel like this is going to cause me to be cold and distant in the future. Help!

My father had his moment when he was a total jerk and sometimes inconsistent. I don't call hitting with a belt or hands in frustration/anger spanking; I call it hitting. To me hitting is hitting. Some trivial things, I got hit and when I was once suspended in 8th grade for 5 days, I was immediately forgiven and even excused.

Moments he was a jerk:
2nd - 3rd grade: hit with a belt in frustration and anger for not getting the right answer to math homeworks on time or not being a fast learner. Another time it was for not learning how to use the ruler properly nor measure inches in a math problem.

5th grade: chased (well obviously a kid is going to run too; do you expect them to stay still and like getting hit with a belt) and locked myself in the bathroom for an hour or so. All that for not knowing how to properly operate a remote control as he was ''trying to teach'' me but got very impatient by the 3rd explanation and I ran fast as soon as he showed up with a leather belt. Then he had the nerves to ground me (that was his secondary option if he didn't get to use the belt) and nearly cancel my 11th b-day... as if I had done something wrong. Till this day I can't understand what I did wrong in not learning fast.

Threatened to be hit with a belt:
Both times in my freshman year of HS. One for losing a golden bracelet my political aunt had given me on my birthday. Last he ever threatened to use that (one month before my 15th b-day), he gave me some money to spend it and I bought a new pair of jeans with it. I didn't know this was going to make him furious, so once again I locked myself in the bathroom and my mother had to calm him down.

What I learned:
- Absolutely nothing
- Not to do that to a child if I ever had kids
- How scary a man in his full rage can turned; that contradicts his protective instinct because how is he (esp your own father) protecting you if he's hitting you with a belt or threatening to use it
- Have an increasing desire towards finding a mild tempered man that's against hitting a child (that we're on the same page)