Why did my nice nerdy sweet innocent boyfriend change as a person after the break up?

[Anonymous]

I was dating this guy for 5 years (we’re both 22 now), I cheated on him with my coworker & then I broke up with him because I did not love him anymore, he begged me to stay and that he would even forgive me for cheating but I left him, he said that I was the most important person in the world for him. At that moment my career, friends and family became more important then him, he cared about me way more then I cared about him and I felt suffocated of his clinginess and niceness. He always bought me things, called me just to hear my voice, wrote me songs poems, called me beautiful a lot, got jealous and insecure and at the time I was not able to handle it.

The break up was 6 months ago. After dating several guys and getting my heart broken over & over I came to realize that I was an A-hole and he was the best boyfriend ever. He was a nice quiet shy guy, a skinny cute delicate sensitive frail nerd who kept to himself and his studies, he was very passive non violent. He donated to charity a lot and did volunteer work. He was a beautiful person, but he changed….

Now he is a player dating different girls every day, he's gotten really muscular lately, he's more aggressive and quick to anger and fight someone, that he hangs out with shady people and he is involved in underground illegal street racing and fight clubs. He even got arrested for a fight where he stabbed someone. When I first heard it I did not believe it. I drove past this street (On purpose) and I saw him there and he was different. He got big and muscular, he dresses differently and had a girl with him and guy friends who look dangerous. I Facebook messaged him one day and asked him why is he being this way and he said "why the fuck do you care? We broke up, and besides the only way to survive in this world is to adapt so I did what I had to do" I don't understand, its a little vague, and he stopped writing back. How could someone like him who was so kind change so much and become such a different person?

Updates

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By the way, I regret everything, I feel so guilty and wish I could have him back.

Updates

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I don't really understand why people think I'm making this story up.

[martyfellow]

Chuckle, it's amazing how people routinely lie even about their AGE on this site!!! ANd then admit to cheating just because someone was 'too nice.' and then ask why their EX has become such a bad guy!!!

But to answer you, you convinced him he had to be the opposite of nice and kind, so he darn well went out to a gym, got muscular, and found friends from the 'not nice' side of town, just what he thought you WANTED, no doubt!

It's an ill cook who can't lick his own fingers, as they say.

[dartmaul15]

congratulations, you continued the sircle of bad boys/girls. You basically fucked him over so badly he went bad.

He was perfect, and you rewarded him by being a cheating asshole. not hard to conclude that "fuck it, i won't let people hurt me again".

And for the record, guys never really get over their first breakup. It tends to change them, sometimes radically. You broke up in the worst possible way, and now you see the results of it.

[AbbLu]

Sorry to be harsh but clearly he changed because he felt like he was getting stepped on and that he needed to become an asshole to survive in the world and not get his heart broken. After five years of being together you cheated on him with a co-worker and then broke up with him... did you expect him to just shrug it off? When guys get hurt like that by a girl, it affects them deeply and often changes their outlook on dating for the rest of their life.

[hellokittylover1818]

He gave you everything he had and I think he became to realize that maybe how he was living wasn't the way, becasue you showed him no matter what he did, it was as if he was not good enough. Being nice will just kill you, so he took an easy way out. You were the girl he loved and spolied, imagine how he felt. If I was him I would also change myself. I'm sorry trying to be honest. Don't take it the wrong way.

[Heyitsmoe]

It was probably the break up that did it to be honest. Especially if the guy you cheated with was like how he is now. He probably figured, fuck it what's the point and then "adapted". He was the nice guy and ideal boyfriend and look how that worked out for him.

[Goldie757]

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[Taurus1992]

If you guys are 22 and you dated for 5 years lets minus 10 years as him being a baby etc that means that for basically half of his entire life that he has been able to think for himself you have been a part of WHO he was. When you cheated on him the dynamics of what that part was changed along with the view he had on you. So its really not surprising he had such a drastic change when you think of it that way. The reason he seems mean is because he is angry. Angry that so much was given and then taken in vain. I don't know how you can bet him back because no matter what he is a different person now. I'm not saying he cannot change for the better and hope that he does but to be quite candid I doubt you would be the answer or what he needs to accomplish that. I'm not judging you on your character when I say that I mean that with his feelings and the past you two have he just isn't going to be receptive to it. I'm sorry that this isn't really the answer you were looking for but that's my thoughts on the matter. All you can do now is be the best person you can be and be there as a loving friend if he reaches out to you way on down the road when he is trying to be the best person he can be as well. :/

[AnonKuma]

Tbh the reason why he changed so drastically was because of you. If you haven't broken up with him 6 months ago, but maybe went on a break or something similar, then he wouldn't have changed that much. He prob really loved you with all his heart, maybe even more than his own family, and when you left him, it just shatter his whole world. His love turn into hatred and you unintentionally left a scar on him to make him think like that.

You will never get him back I am 100% sure because the past him is completely gone. If anybody else tries to give you hope, its false hope and unrealistic.

[Jay-Are]

You can never know for sure what changes a person. But I think all the reasons you have already written down.

Believe it or not, a lot of (if not most) bad boys used to be nice guys that got screwed over and over again. So they decided to adopt a different attitude. You were probably not the first girl to treat him like crap but probably the one that made him say "F.. k it. I never wanna feel like that again". Then he discovers that as a bad boy he doesn't feel like that anymore.

Don't take it so hard. He is ultimately responsible for his own actions. You may think you have made a mistake (and you may have) but if you could go back to him 1 year from now you will do exactly the same to him. If you care for him just let him go. He will come back if he misses you.

[KHaskins]

You cheated and broke up with him. Broke his heart. Why would he want to subject himself to that a second time? He tried being the good guy and got burned for it, so it sounds like he's on a different tack now. I'd say you wouldn't deserve to get him back even if he hadn't undergone this change.

[NerdInDenial]

He realized that the "nice guy" doesn't work in getting a girl. Ultimately, you gave him the reason why because of your cheating. Now, he's "getting more ass than a toilet seat." He's not going to change back because his bad boy image is working for him.

[alfonsosloan45]

Preach

[Bandit74]

"Now he is a player dating different girls every day, he's gotten really muscular lately, he's more aggressive and quick to anger and fight someone, that he hangs out with shady people and he is involved in underground illegal street racing and fight clubs. He even got arrested for a fight where he stabbed someone."

Jeez! all that within a 6 month time frame 😮

I don't know I feel like this story is bullshit 😑

[BrianSmith]

I imagine after the breakup he decided he didn't like the person he was and got rid of him. He became strong and unemotional with the help of some new friends and possibly steroids. He's not going to let you or any other girl hurt him again. He put up a wall and it's not coming down.

[DBAOracle]

The guy dated you for 5 years and not any 5 years but 5 critical years, 17 to 22... and you cheated on him. Why are you surprised the man is heavily damaged? And I sincerely believe that you don't deserve a man like him but rather I hope that the rest of the guys you date will keep cheating on you over and over. Nerds are very delicate material and you left more than a scar. The change he went through is A LOT in only 6 months, all this motivation can't come from no-where, my assumption is that it's his hatred for you that kept him moving.

I can definitely relate to what this guy has been through and to be honest, you and every person like you should go rot in hell.

[DBAOracle]

Now that I read this thing in full, I think this whole story is actually bullshit...

[Anonymous]

Honestly I was like him in middle and high school, and after finding out that almost every girl I'm interested in already has a boyfriend, I started lifting weights and caring less about peoples feelings. I pretty much never mention these dumb sayings but; "nice guys finish last" is about as true as they get.
Its amazing how much single experiences can change someone, but it can happen. Think of it this way; often times there are no second chances in real life.

Unlike some of my fellow commenters, I'm not going to blame you, it's human tendency to cheat, but you do have to accept the consequences to understand why.

[NYkid27]

It's your fault that he changed so much. He probably feels like he might as well be an asshole to women now since he was kind and respectful to to you and you still fucked him over and broke his heart. He changed everything about himself because he's afraid of being treated like shit and hurt again like you did to him.

[HarmoniChaos]

To be honest you don't deserve the old or even new him. You can't just say you settle after realizing everything else isn't what you dreamed for. If you cared you wouldn't have done it in the first place. Would you like to be someones fallback choice?

[AlexCab]

You broke the guy, what did you expect? that he would remain as he was for you or someone like you to hurt him again? He obviously decided he needed to be different... and he got physical about it.

[reptocarl]

I think the breakup was the catalyst for his change. You hurt him so badly he's not going to let anyone hurt him again

[Thrifty]

The reason he is angry is because he is lacking love.

The reason he is dating a bunch of different girls is because he is looking for love.

But the reason he is looking for love is because he got his heart broken and needs something to heal the pain.

People think that sex with girls can do that but the truth is that only God with his steadfast love can heal your broken heart.

[hnrya20]

Sometimes it takes a really shitty person to turn someone into a monster. Shame on him for his pathetic desires for you. Too bad he wasn't strong enough to leave you. Why don't you just leave the poor guy alone, you did enough damage to him.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like me. I still can't get over the first girl i got involved with, but i can tell you im much more less affectionate then I was. I've been told i have walls, and im a mysterious guy now. Had you known me before the bad breakup, i was really a nice all around affectionate and dependable guy who would listen to girls problems. Now i realize, girls dont like nice guys, they like the good guys. The ones that are worth chasing and stand their ground.

[Jayded1]

when a guy does everything right and gets his heart ripped out it scares him for life. He decided to become that type of person that will never happen to again.

[Tripium]

Because you broke him inside. He truly loved you and couldn't cope with the fact that you broke him down even though he was a beautiful person. So I suppose you can try to work through things with him. If you truly love him. Good luck

[abc3643]

Congratulations, Dr. Frankenstein! This is the monster you created.

[bobwallice]

Congratulations, you broke him, he will never be the same again. It's ok though it's just one of those facts of life, you should move on and just learn from this.