Search Results: long term crushes

Here, my story:

Age 5-6 :
I always wished that I was born a boy, because I wanted to marry a girl and not a boy. Later on I embraced being a female, because it also had its advantages.

Age 8-9:
I had a huge crush on a girl. Even though I didn't refer to it as a "crush" (because I was told that this was something you have on a boy and not a girl), I described it as one. I also had "boyfriends", but the feeling towards them was way different.

Age 10:
I dreamed all day long about girls. That was when I started to get sexual feelings about them. I knew that I felt like the boys in my class, but I didn't tell anyone. My male classmates talked about boobs the whole day long, my female friends called those body parts "gross". And of course, I didn't want to make me unpopular.

Age 11-12:
I noticed that I hated the sexual attention of boys. I started wearing huge sweaters to cover my curves, so that they saw me as a friend, just like I wanted them to. That was also the time, where everybody was in love with a certain, male celebrity. I was the only girl that couldn't figure out what was so "attractive" about him. I hang a poster on the wall of my bedroom and twice a day I sat in front of it and told myself "I find you attractive! You are hot" and I tried to find beautiful things on him and tried to focus on it.

Age almost 14:
My best friend asked me if I was a lesbian, because I was not interested in guys at all. Of course I said no, because I never thought of me as a lesbian. I knew that I was attracted to girls and I knew that I had no attraction toward guys, but I didn't like the term "lesbian" because I knew that lesbians were not the majority and that would prevent me from "fitting in" which was my most important goal at that time.

Age 15: I had a boyfriend. I never had feelings for him, I tried to force myself to like him, it never worked. The only thing w