Search Results: strap ons

I would strap 45lb plates to my ball sack and swim up the Amazon river with Rosie O'Donnell's queef as my air supply to prove my value to you

I would lick gravy from the crevices of Ralphie May's thighs to have a conversation with you over a syphilis ridden cell phone with bad reception

I would belly flop into a pool of AIDS infested needles just to put my name in a hat with 1 million other names for a chance to caress your beautiful legs while wearing gloves.

I would simply walk into Mordor and wage war against all of the orks wielding a dwarf as my only weapon and Smeagol on my back punching me in the eye for a chance to share a candle lit dinner involving a big Zak Snak, fried cheddar bites, me and my precious, which would be you, of course.

I would swim through a sea of glass, naked. Just to kiss the tip of the dick of the guy you last fucked.

I would drag my serrated ballsack through 17 miles of shredded steel breathing through nothing but the sweat rags of the Iranian soccer team to only shake the hand of the 3rd generation child of the Mexican who mowed her lawn