Search Results: marriage advice

VENTING: talking to others about something that bothers you; blowing off steam; looking for advice; seeking empathy.

Example 1: my friend hates his sister who doesn't help in the house, and is never around, making him feel like she isn't family. I tell him he should put himself in her shoes, since she works long hours away from home and can't be always around.

Example 2: a woman opens up to her sister about how her marriage is not working, and that she has found someone else. However, she doesn't want to file a divorce, hoping things will get better with her husband. Her sister tells her that the right thing to do is file a divorce, and not lie to her husband and cheat.

*THESE EXAMPLES ARE FABRICATED, NOT TAKEN FROM REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES*

When we met, we were both 24 and felt old and wanted to settle down and get married so we did.
He was afraid I would leave him if he didn't get me to marry and have his kids.
After a few years of marriage, whenever we had problems he would stone wall me or become defensive and turn the table around to him and how he is angry that I am angry at something... if that even makes sense.

I started reading books to figure out how to be a better partner.
I started using the advice, being proactive instead of reactive, using nonviolent communication, not using the stone walling and becoming defensive and learning to be empathetic and fulfill needs and wants and really listen to understand.

He does not read any books. He is reactive, always blaming me for being evil. Uses violent unkind communications all the time, blaming me for being evil all the time. Instead of trying to encourage me or to suggest something that might be helpful or empathizing with me he just becomes defensive and starts to JUDGE me and put me down and point out all the flaws he can about me that is pissing him off. I"m always trying to fulfill his needs and wants, I'm always trying to listen to understand him but he does not do the same to me. I feel like I"m supposed to be a robot that is perfect and has no feelings. but he is allowed to be imperfect, have me solve all his problems, have feelings and have all his needs and wants fulfilled.

did we just grow apart? What can I do about this?