Search Results: get along with your partner

Simple question, I often come across two recurring advice that are contradictory:

1st : If you want a relationship, you have to look for it, it won't fall in your lap. Go out, meet people, chat up random guys/girls you find attractive. Basically take chances and don't just wait around

Now this advice suggest we go after relationship the same way we go after a job etc..

The downside of this is that very often, the will to be in a relationship turns into a need to be in one. And everyone knows needy people come off as desperate which repels all potential people, needy people become insecure and they end settling down with someone just to fulfill this deep need they have to be in a relationship.

There comes advice number 2 that often get told

2nd type of advice: Stop looking for the right person, instead become the right person. It encourages people to work on themselves, becoming better persons. The point is to tell people that they should learn to be happy on their own first before finding someone else. That they should focus on themselves, do what they enjoy, go out and socialize but not necessarily with the idea in mind that every single guy/girl you meet is a potential partner. And that by doing what you love most and being the incredible person that you are, the right person will come along.

So which one do you think, or have you found to be the most relevant? Which advice should one follow?

PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SCENARIO:

You meet this seemingly perfect person, you begin to date. A month into the relationship one of your partner's exes comes to town. This ex is exotic and beautiful. While you are out of town working your partner decides to visit the ex but doesn't tell you about it until a week later. Continue dating two more months... You are doing laundry and when you take your partner's phone out of their pocket you accidentally hit a button and see a new text from someone on one of those "chat websites" like zoosk. You've just gotten over your partner visiting the exotic ex incident so you confront your partner on this new found info and they say its someone from some other state and its innocent. Your partner apologizes and deletes the app.

Skip to dating 5 more months (your now at 8 months) you have forgiven your partner for the two mistakes, but you have grown to question your partners everyday moves... such as your partner is always on their phone, texting, and when you jokingly lean in to see and they react by tilting the screen so you can't see it.

You work weekends out of town and that is the only time your partner decides to go out to the bar with their gay friend. You come home from work early one weekend to surprise your partner. You get home and wait, your partner comes home but brings the gay friend (of opposite gender). Your partner is completely trashed and invites you to join in for more drinks but you're tired and all you want to do is spend time with your partner. You go to bed and leave them in the other room to drink more. Finally about 4am your partner drives the friend home then comes crawling into bed with you.

Skip to dating two more months (now at 10 months) Aside from these three events stated above you and your partner are an amazing couple. You have all the same interests, treat each other with complete respect, you love each others' family and friends and get along very well. Your "bed" life is adventurous and you both are always pleased. BUT because of these three mistakes you still feel that you can't fully trust your partner. You love each other very much and you want to gain that trust back but right now you feel as though you never will.

You can leave your opinion on what you would do and or answer the poll question.