Search Results: different after sex

Let me just start off by saying that my mother isn't the worst mother in the world, and she wasn't outright abusive (or at least I don't think she was), but I just think she failed as a parent, but it's not entirely her fault because she picked most of this stuff up from her mother.

She was sleeping around with a couple different men at the time I was conceived so we don't know who exactly my biological father is. This made me uncomfortable with sex even till this day.

She let me drink Coke since I was 2 followed up by more unhealthy habits which let me to struggle with obesity my entire life.

When she was mad at someone that wasn't around she would take it out on me. Usually by yelling at me when I asked what's for dinner, I still struggle to ask questions to people.

She didn't let me do boxing as a kid so I can stand up to my bullies. She said it was too dangerous.

There were a couple of times she choked me for being clumsy as a kid.

She married a drunk for my first step dad.

She never tried to understand my issues. I once tried to tell her that I was having suicidal thoughts and she just threatened to put me in a mental hospital and said "I could've just aborted you."

She put cigarettes and weed before food.

She always fought my battles for me, even till this day and I never learned to be a man.

She's very lazy and always procrastinates and is irresponsible with money which didn't set a good example.

She never really payed attention to me as a kid because she was focused on my older siblings.

She cared more about my grades than my mental health. I started experiencing symptoms of Schizophrenia and depression at 14 and my grades started slipping especially after my grandmother dies when I was 16. I was just a lettet to her and she made me feel worthless.

She basically dumped me in the failing school system's lap and expected them to turn me into a man, and the school system just put me on aderall which gave me Tourettes.

But I still love my mother

I went out with this girl a few times a few months ago and we stopped seeing each other because she saw other people.
After three different relationships, being cheated on, drugged and taken advantage of. She replied to me when I wished her happy holidays.
We went out again, but she delt a massive blow during the date by telling me everything that happened and how many guys she had sex with since the last time I saw her.
It lead to mediocre sex and we had a heart to heart and she said she really liked me. I've treated her better than anyone else has. She promised to not ghost me, but she wanted time to figure herself out after everything that happened.
I told her how much I liked her and what I wanted. She said it low key meant so much because I was the only person who checked on her.
But, I know her. She's wanting to be wild and do her wacky shit. She cancelled our next date, and never got back to me the day of another.
I know she was disappointed with the sex. I'm not the person she normally goes with. I don't drink, never have done drugs and I prefer to stay home than go party.
She acknowledged I'm good for her and I could be something that helps her. But her actions speak different.
At this point, I've given up. I can't play this fucking game anymore.
But will she even acknowledge or care that I've given up?