Search Results: im messages

I think one of the gifts of relationships is they challenge you to work on yourself, with your partner and grow as a person. We all have "ourselves". Two people coming intimately together will have to work to keep create and build a healthy relationship.

One thing I had to learn at the ripe age of 50+ was how to listen without reacting to my partner. She would be communicating in a genuine and clear way and I'd react and go defense... my conditioned response to verbal threat. The conversation spun down out of control from there as I'd resist and fight and she'd work harder to get a message across... ending up tired and frustrated.

The root of this was with me, my ability to listen to what she was saying. Here's an
example.
She said: I'm not feeling well, tired... and I said "I'm sorry to hear...".
She responded..."don't say you are sorry".
My internal reaction can be defensive... why is shy affronting what I just said?

This leave me baffled as to what to say next. I said I'd call back in a few, I thought about it while shopping and come back a few minutes later as I realized what I communicated dropped the energy of the conversation down... and it made her feel worse. My statment was negative when she needed positive emotional support! By changing my response to a positive response "Im here for you and can help you feel better", ... made her feel better and all was well.

->I had to learn to listen and not react, understand what she was saying. Not everyone is the same, your partner may be different.