I think one of the gifts of relationships is they challenge you to work on yourself, with your partner and grow as a person. We all have "ourselves". Two people coming intimately together will have to work to keep create and build a healthy relationship.One thing I had to learn at the ripe age of 50+ was how to listen without reacting to my partner. She would be communicating in a genuine and clear way and I'd react and go defense... my conditioned response to verbal threat. The conversation spun down out of control from there as I'd resist and fight and she'd work harder to get a message across... ending up tired and frustrated.
The root of this was with me, my ability to listen to what she was saying. Here's an example. She said: I'm not feeling well, tired... and I said "I'm sorry to hear...". She responded..."don't say you are sorry". My internal reaction can be defensive... why is shy affronting what I just said?
This leave me baffled as to what to say next. I said I'd call back in a few, I thought about it while shopping and come back a few minutes later as I realized what I communicated dropped the energy of the conversation down... and it made her feel worse. My statment was negative when she needed positive emotional support! By changing my response to a positive response "Im here for you and can help you feel better", ... made her feel better and all was well.
->I had to learn to listen and not react, understand what she was saying. Not everyone is the same, your partner may be different.
Listing... without reacting
Conversation skills
How to provide Emotional Support
How to feed the relationship
Nothing... I'm hopeless and screwed.. and ain't gonna do nothin' about it!
Self Confidence/Self image
Other
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What's something you can learn this year or have learned to improve your relationship (s)?
Not so much with my wife since she loves my drunk side but with other relationships in general, I've started to develop a drinking trick this year.
I've turned at least borderline alcoholic if not full-blown alcoholic during COVID. What I do is pour a small amount of whiskey into a cup. Then fill the rest with a boatload of water. Then gradually I've been putting less and less whiskey.
Up until this year, I was often going through over a bottle of whiskey on nights when I drank. Now using this trick, I'm usually down to just a quarter of the bottle or on the absolute worst of nights, just a third. On the downside, my alcohol tolerance has plummeted so I can still become an incoherent drunk even though I'm drinking so much less.
I’m an overthinker and tend to be pessimistic about relationships (I think of the worst and self blame a lot) - this is something I majorly need to work on bc I tend to self sabotage my relationships from going further (I have an avoidant attachment style). I like to say I’m a great listener and communicator but I tend to bottle things up until it blows up eventually so that’s another thing I gotta work on lol
I'm really trying to be less passive aggressive. I have this toxic trait that whenever something is wrong I go cold and then my partner asks me what's wrong and I keep saying nothing is wrong instead of just letting it out. Is freaking stupid I know and I'm aware of it I'm really trying to overcome that.
My man came up with a great idea, of having signs to help him. If I want his help, I do this certain thing so he knows its a problem to be solved. If I just want him to listen, it is something totally different.
It has helped us a great deal.
Conversion skills, methods and emotional support all combined.
Not in a relationship but feel this is very applicable regardless of status. Emotional regulation, good communication skills and in general just good interpersonal skills.
Communication is the most important thing. So mucg heart break and misunderstanding can be avoided by proper communication, and conversational skills are needed for this. How to put feelings and opinions to each other so they are understood, and not come across patronising. Talk with each other without being defensive.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
How to filter out the bullshit artist to see through people and their lies
Not to give him all your time when he's showing you that he'd only give you like 1/4 of his time. I find that I have always made myself available to my partner and he wouldn't do the same.
