What lessons have you learned from your relationships?

Question

Youryeodongsaeng · Accepted Answer

I have been in three relationships with three different boys when I was 12 years old. Of course, we didn't date all at the same time.
The first one was very tall. He asked me out on my first day coming to a new school. I felt uneasy around him. I had had this thing with men of my race... African-American. Since I grew up with a stepdad who had always yelled and gotten temper tantrums and verbally abused me and his two children (I'm the oldest), I became very uncomfortable around men and other boys my age.
My first boyfriend looked and felt very intimidating to me. I myself could not approach him to strike up a conversation. All he wanted from me was sex. The very thought of it kinda scared me. I know I was a horny ass child, but sex really had me afraid. We broke up because I wouldn't have sex with him. (More like he broke up with me).

My second was sort of a class clown. I still couldn't strike up a conversation. When I tell you, this white kid was bad, like... All talk bad, he's bad lol. He broke up with me. I was nothing but a side chick from school.

My third was shorter than me. He was 15 at the time... You couldn't really tell. He was a genuine one. He was sweet. He still is... to his new girlfriend, who is protective. We broke up all because of someone from my old school getting transferred to the one I am at now. There was an announcement. My boyfriend asked me if she was hot. I could feel something bad was gonna happen. I shrugged my shoulders because little me couldn't really tell apart hot, cute, pretty, beautiful, average and sexy. I still can't now. Anyway, she walks in. Takes her assigned seat. My boyfriend asked if it would be ok if we had a threesome relationship. I was moderately ok with it. He asked the new girl out and told her that he was dating me. She didn't like the idea. So he broke up with me.

What I've learned: make sure to form a connection/bond with someone before befriending or dating them.

I know no one asked for this, but I had hooked up with my first ex on the 7th of this month. I don't care if he only told my little sister that he wanted to date me just for sex or that was his aim all along, I just don't care either way. I've never thought that I'd ever hook up with him. I don't know if we're together or not, I am not optimistic.

little_rose · Accepted Answer

You can't make someone love you. No matter how much you want to be with them, if they don't love you the best you can do is move on.

slatyb · Accepted Answer

A few. Here are two things some ex-girlfriends have said that really stuck with me.

I dated a public defender briefly. I asked her "Is it difficult dealing with those people?"
She said something I have never forgotten. "That's just your problem. You think of them as 'those people.'" (paraphrasing) "You could be one of 'those people' at any time. Not everyone charged is guilty, and not everyone guilty deserves the penalty asked for by the prosecution." We didn't date very long. I hope she is well and happy today.

Another ex-girlfriend, and engineer, was having some difficulty getting co-operation from some older male technicians. She explained to me how she solved this problem. She didn't pull rank. Instead she thought about why they were hesitant to do the work she needed, where they were in their careers, and then how she could make them feel comfortable doing what she asked. Seems simple but it opened my eyes. I used to just jump up and down insisting that I was right. I usually was, but it didn't help.

MannyFrs · Accepted Answer

dont ever put anyone first before you and don't trust anyone. If they are constantly paranoid about YOU cheating its PROBABLY because they are actually cheating and DONT EVER DO ANYTHING for someone that they can do for themselves. Also learn what a narcissist is and what to do if someone has the characteristics of a narcissist POS

OlderAndWiser · Answer

When relationships don't work, it doesn't mean that anyone has done something wrong or that someone is at fault. It just means the two of you are not sufficiently aligned to go through life as partners.

petitedollbabee · Answer

- Once a cheater always a cheater
- Don’t dismiss red flags and expect said red flag to go away
- Don't date someone who is heavily influenced by their mother as a fully grown adult
- Don’t date someone who puts their addictions as priority over their basic needs ie shelter, food & water
- Don’t date someone with little to no libido
- Don’t date someone who talks badly about all of their exes - chances are if you break up, even if it was their fault, they will put the blame on you and talk badly about you to anyone who will listen
- Don’t date someone who has no friends or family in their life. There’s always a reason why they can’t maintain connections or platonic relationships

DizzyDesii · Answer

-Love them no more than they love you.
-Its okay to compromise interests but they are not the one for you if you have to sacrifice your morals/values/goals/beliefs.
-Only go for go-getters who know what they want, when they want it, how they want it, and if they want it with you and wre actively working towards getting it.
-Put your relationship with God first and he will work everything out when it needed.
-Stay aware but dont make assumptions nor have as many expectations.
-If he can't patiently wait til you’re ready, then he’s not the one for you.
-Learn his priorities early on to know where you stand and how long you’ll stand there.
-Communication is key.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

It's fun, it's hard, wonderful when you communicating, it's alright to argue and fight (without hurting each other), the solo time is nice and so does the time you spend together doing nothing or doing something new, or the things you usually do. There will be tears, good and bad ones, there will be laughs too. Teaching each other is fun, demanding? Not so much. Going to a psychologist/therapy together does not mean you have problems but it will teach you how to maintain the relation nice and sound. Both doing things at home helps each other to save energy and spend more time together or maybe a little bit of solo time.

saraxx · Answer

Love yourself more than you love them. Never ever make them your first priority. Don't put them on the pedestal. Don't get manipulated and feel sorry for them. If they let you go you should also let them go and if they come back to you don't take them back.

Lliam · Answer

A healthy, long lasting relationship can't be based on sex alone, even though sex is important.
Open, honest, loving and caring communication is critical.
Mutual, regard, respect, thoughtfulness, and most of all, trust, are necessary for true love.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

If somebody makes a point of mentioning a specific thing they don't like other people doing/doing to them, they'll probably do it to you. In fact, as a general rule; consider any statements along those lines as red flags.

For example: if somebody makes an intentional point to say "I never want to be taken for granted ever again." You can bet your next paycheck that they'll take you for granted.

The subconscious feels the need to broadcast its intentions that way, for whatever reason.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Take things slow, learn to trust and respect each other. that trust is hard to earn but easy to lose. that they do not need to end on bad terms.

Heartache0405 · Answer

As a whole, I've learned just not to have anymore. And all it took was 4 of them plus an attempt at seeing where things would go in order to possibly start a 5th but that went bad real quick. So yeah. I've learned not to have anymore relationships. All I need are friends

CrixusOfCapua · Answer

Black and white clothes shouldn't be put together in the laundry.
Don't have too much fun if your girl is angry. You have to pretend like it is bothering you.
Girls get in a better mood on PMS if you pound them like an animal.
We should respond more to our Facebook messages.
Don't eat food you dropped even on a very clean floor two seconds after you dropped it. It will give you AIDS.
Don't tell her she looks ugly even if she does.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

My husband and I have been together in some way for 11 years (married 3.5). We grew up together. We're high school sweethearts. We've had to adjust as we've grown. We've learned to communicate effectively, disagree without fighting, love each other in our specific love languages, how to be on the same team, and how to work together.

We have to remember that it's not him vs me when it comes to a problem, it's us vs the problem because he and I are a team.

Dontaaaa · Answer

To not become co-dependent on each other for happiness and to not "lose yourself" with the person that you're with. From my experience and from what my friends say from theirs it's pretty easy to lose yout sense of identity when you're in love with someone.

magiusX26 · Answer

from all the ones i have been in and the ones around me. they seem to not be worth the effort anymore. the best ones still come across as cheesey soap-opera-esque by being full of bs drama, fleeting at best, and more about seeing what can be gained by it instead of what you can put into it.

hsshannah96 · Answer

That by the time I meet a mature kind guy (probably when I’m 35) having kids will already come with way too many risks for it to be worth it. Guys suck and they can’t grow up

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Women are best treated as disposable. There are almost no good ones. No matter how rich or good looking a man is, he will never get a truly amazing woman because our society raises women to be crap honestly. So best to just fuck around and never marry so you can keep upgrading constantly.

Staximus · Answer

Don't fall for somebody until you know they care as much about you as you do about them.

Poison_NT · Answer

I have been cheated 3 times from 3 different women, and what i have learned is that.
One shouldn't give up on giving his/her heart to the next one, there is always someone who will truly love you, but, always give this red flag and tell them seriously that if they lie to you at least once its over, because small lies, bring big lies, and later on cheating and infidelity.

in summary: Honesty and Communication are Mandatory.

Briesmallfryz · Answer

That "love"
Is basics like we tell ourselves about it and it becomes a necessity to be in "love" or feel as such.
But I no longer believe the truth about this situation this so called "love"
I'm just lost in my world of failures. Sorry to be as morbidly intolerant to this question but I personally, I don't believe it's real and if so its fairytales nothings forever blah blah blah sheeshah... y.😔✌🤨🤔🤯

Valiqueen · Answer

That I can get away from any attachment I feel I can't. It's more interesting when the person you're dating matches your crazy Serious relationships can be scary

Jintendo18 · Answer

People will be unfaithful if they feel they can get away with it.

Interstate · Answer

They aren't worth it. It is best for me to stay single and I don't have to deal with the bullshit relationships bring.

Citizenkirk · Answer

It's a good thing I was taught to de-arm suspected mine fields, because that is what a relationship is. AN EMOTIONALLY INFESTED MINEFIELD. BEST TO KEEP A BAYONET ON YOU EITHER WAY. 🥴💫🐧

mstbooblover · Answer

I learned that one should never judge too fast, and above all that one should always try and learn to listen to one's partner. Rather obvious, isn't it? But it takes time for this truth to sink in.

Shark_61695 · Answer

Don't feel too pressured to have one, all women want is sex and if you refuse, they won't see you again.

Ok, very small sample size and I wouldn't really call them relationships, also not really a lesson but just an impression I got.

Petermorgan34 · Answer

Try your hardest, even if it is out of your comfort zone, otherwise you could get stuck wishing for what could've been

Pleaznhim4me · Answer

Love is a feeling and a choice. You must actively work in a relationship to maintain love for one another. This concept is very misunderstood.

JHNS98 · Answer

I wish I could tell you, but I've really not had any genuine romantic relationships, and I don't really learn from anything I do in my love life anyway.

Chris2769 · Answer

Trust is key and will she stick around in tough times. She is allowed to have bad days or days she is needy/clingy like me - recognize it and adapt. All relationships goes through ups and downs, its not just yours.

certifiedalphafemale · Answer

Never settle for anything less. Don’t be with a person who will drag you down to their issues.

Akumuviral · Answer

Never look back unless it's to remember a lesson.
The woman is not always right but it's okay to let them think that.
Narcissism he is very toxic.
I'm not much into sex.
And the women can be just.
And I love non-traditional things.

nice-girl · Answer

That his family is important. If he has a bad or toxic family that's not good.

hawkeye92 · Answer

I'm selfish and a very poor communicator and I end up inevitably hurting people while hurting myself. Not the healthiest guy here.

NMMan · Answer

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

NoOneEver · Answer

That I’m better off not bothering anyone.. 😷✌️ They all end up as sad tales for me to experience, and sadness really isn’t my bag anymore man..

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

That man will live a good mature house material woman for a much younger one.

tessarae29 · Answer

To listen more of what my partner has to say and to never settle for less

Nonameee9 · Answer

I’ve learned that “ you don’t know , what you don’t know!”

Kreneman · Answer

Communicate well by asking specific questions before you get involved or fall in love for the wrong reasons.

Coolhand19 · Answer

I think we should all try to limit our alcohol intake, make "good choices", and not yell at each other unless there is an emergency. Other than that, it's all gravy ;)

Illfated · Answer

To take things slow. People aren't always who they appear to be.

Anonymous · Answer

That women are generally a losing proposition. Don't waste your time unless she's pursuing you. Otherwise you never know her true level of interest and you'll probably always be giving and not getting in return.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Learned to not run away from conflict and expect it. If there are never and disagreements or arguments then someone isn’t being honest

Dora89 · Answer

No trust , no Communication kills relationship. Not just mine also learn from my dad. When he would cheat on my mom. If you take them back. They’ll continue to do so cause you “aloud it”.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Don't send nasty mail to an ex-gf cause it can land you in jail plus I had an asshole for a Attorney

dtweed1996 · Answer

Date someone significant or makes a pretty good companion not just date someone heartlessly with a motive

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

I've learned you have to compromise and see things from someone else's point of view. It takes 2 people to make it work.

loveslongnails · Answer

I should have dated a wider variety of nationalities and races ! And I should have learned more languages !

TheFlak38 · Answer

that I get nothing out of it. All I do is sacrificing my life for the goddess Vagina. There is literally nothing in it for me.

whosnumber1 · Answer

compromise. and listening to my own needs to ensure that I am as happy as my partner

AnthonyJ01 · Answer

I have learned that I trust to easily and fall quickly. I tend to see the "good" side instead of the bad. Because of that I have been taken advantage of and lost a lot of money and property.

TheAfrikan · Answer

Love is more of a tag team match, you should be wiling to helo out your partner as good as you can. If you fail then it is on a wrong side of the line.

es20490446e · Answer

to be honest, that most people aren't smart enough.

Finchie40 · Answer

Never value someone more than they value you

gabriela13 · Answer

Not to trust too fast

MJtheCoach · Answer

Girls are damn annoying and they don’t even know it

jasco · Answer

Sometimes its better to just slap the shit out of someone than trying to explain what happen.

FelicityChi · Answer

Never date anyone out of pity

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

That women are way too emotional and I'm terrible at non hyped sex.

Progressiveness8 · Answer

To. always investigate the person do a background check too many games

DevinAM · Answer

I've learned how happy I can be. I've also learned that some things I thought mattered to me aren't important.

What lessons have you learned from your relationships?

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