Search Results: feeling alive

Would anyone care about me, my mother is too focus on my younger brothers and their issues, I'm just a blur in the moment for my family, my brother, who is a Pastor, I doubt he'd care if I died, even if it were at my own hand, you see, I know suicide is set in place to get those who harass you to feel the pain you feel or you leave you alone or both, far better be for me to stand in the way of that. I'm losing too weight, my energy is gone and I don't feel like writing my novel anymore, I'm just sick of my life and I want out, God hasn't been very kind to me, because no one can understand me, I'm sick of this, sucking up my feelings, to make everyone else happy, I'm sick of being miserable, because one of my younger brothers are beginning to crack up mentally, I haven't been back in school in over year, because of this, demonic spirits are chasing me around I feel like, I just got to wonder would anyone miss me or care if I died tomorrow? There are women that are creep out by me, one of my brothers disown me, I feel my mother has phony concern for me, why should I continue living through that? Who cares rather I live or die? what value is my life to anyone I can take hell, but going through this to get to heaven is crazy I wish I was dead! I hate my life, I just can't take it anymore, would anyone care if I was gone? Women are creep out, by me I thought of calling an Escort Agency to pay for dates, my life is in peril, mostly because of my brothers and my mother trying to hold me back! I've tried ending it six times, at 10, 17, 19, 26, 28 and 30, and should have tried it at least the last one. My life just sucks, I can't get nothing right, I failed at Junior College five times! nobody likes me, I doubt anyone on here, likes me. I'm sick of my own self, I wish that I was never born, I wish I was dead! Being dead is peace, no one to bother you, you don't have to deal with all of the annoyances of the world like you did alive, I hate this Cycle of getting up everyday?

I'm a nice guy, but I have a no nonsense philosophy when it comes to women. I get tired of women playing countless games with me. So, if I feel like they are playing with me, I remove them from my life instantly and don't allow them to come back in.

A few weeks ago, I went out on a date with this girl. The date went so well, we went on a 2nd date after that. Last week, when I was talking to her, she told me how sick she was and how she thinks she has the flu. I texted her back asking her how she was feeling, but got to no reply. Skip to a week later (last night). I shot her another text and she replied to me saying that she is still " very sick" but alive and proceeded to ask me how I am.

Honestly... she has been "sick" for almost 2 weeks now. Is she playing games with me? And should I just delete her from my phone and be done with it? With all the women I have talked to in the past, they never text me at all unless I text them. EVER.