Search Results: play it cool and just be myself

This is more of a discussion then it is a question.

I was thinking the other day. My friends and I were at a party and there’s this short (5’2), fat, red head and triple chinned. While she was nice and available, none of the guys really paid attention to her. Although boring and nice, we all talked about this later about how we felt while talking to her: “Man I just kept thinking “god I wanted to just walk away right now.”” And the general attitude was the same.

So she got rejected by her looks regardless of her personality. Now put the same personality into a hot girls body, we’d all be “wow, she is so cool, down to earth and nice.”

Big deal right? We all have seen this.

Well I was thinking about how guys get rejected. You hear girls say this all the time, “wow he’s hot but he’s such a douche / wimp.” And *whoosh, he’s rejected based on his personality. Certainly a guy’s looks plays a role but his attitude, demeanor and personality is what really makes the panties fly off.

So I was thinking to myself… who’s has the tougher cards: women getting rejected by their physical features or men rejected by their personalities?

To get more dates, women can basically have an average personality and just work on their bodies. I think its pretty straight forward, want more dates? Work on your fitness and the men will come storming around you. To gauge how much progress or how much more you need to go is a mirror away. For men it’s a little blurry.

A man, as long as he’s in the ball park, can work on his personality to be funny, charming and the billion of other things girls like as far as personality goes. But you can’t pick up confidence and measure it with a ruler nor can you measure how funny you are… Also being a male, our guy friends don’t sit around and talk about one another’s strengths and weaknesses. Maybe if the guy has female friends and he’ll ask her “hey, am I datable?” However… we’ll feel like a total dipshít afterwords.

Men reject based on the superficial level while female reject by the substance of the male. I’d say that the personality reject hurts more.

My vote is that it’s harder for males to tune themselves to get more dates.

Focus: who’s has the tougher cards: women getting rejected by their physical features or men rejected by their personalities?

2nd focus: which hurts more: Rejection by personality or physical features?

Long story short, I just started working at a law firm, and the hours are pretty long. I transitioned from a 3-4 month break after law school, from constantly hanging out with my friends to all of a sudden being expected to pull 70-80 hour workweeks.

Yesterday was one of my friend's birthday parties, so they called me out on a Friday night to a bar to go drink up. I wanted to say no and just go home and sleep, plus I wasn't dressed down since I just got off from work. But I thought, hey, you haven't been out of the office or house in months, so just go.

When I got there, everyone was taken back. They haven't seen me for almost 4 months now. Half of the party, everyone was just asking me about work and we were just talking about my hours, and how I live with my brother, and he leaves me sticky notes on my computer to tell me stuff, because we don't see each other any more. When I leave for work, he's still sleeping, and when I come back home, he's asleep. Most of my day is spent in commute or at work.

Anyway, this girl who was a friend-of-a-friend was there. She wasn't particularly attractive, but we definitely hit it off. Sparks were flying on both ends and I could tell she was trying to contain herself. She did come off as slightly fake and reserved, but I let that go as normal defensive and guarded behavior.

After we got out of the bar, I went up to her and told her:

"I really liked meeting you, (pause) and the first chance I get when I have a day to myself, I want to take you out and pick up where we left off"

At first she was happy and gave me her number. But then she took a step back emotionally and said:

"When you have a day to yourself? That's sort of ambiguous. I don't like ambiguous. Is that something you're saying to come off cool? Are you trying to show me you're a busy guy? (sarcasm in her voice) Give me a time. When do you think you'll have time? A month from now? A year from now? Huh?"

At first I thought to myself "ugh, I really can't stand this girl-crap and bs-testing, I came up and told you strait up and directly woman, what else do you want from my life?", but then at that same split second I thought to myself, "she's probably been hurt by other guys before and wants to make sure she's not getting played. fine, I'll respect that, but she's treading a very thin line."

So I did my best not to get insulted by her assumption that I was that kind of guy, and not take it personally. On the way home, I couldn't help wondering if I should even bother calling her now.

I mean, for someone studying psychology (her), she was rather quick to form that kind of judgment on the basis that I was a guy who asked her directly to take her out one night. We conversationally clicked, she was interesting and I wanted to really get to know her. What else did she expect me to do? The whole party everyone was talking about how much they missed seeing be because I work so much. Is she too damaged from her past to ever trust an other guy again?