Boyfriend getting meaner by the second?

[Anonymous]

dating for 3 months or so, we got along great. he is sweet, attentive, I had the time of my life with him.

around the second month he starts having little random outbursts maybe 1 or 2 a week. not terrible or abusive stuff, but like insulting the way I go about things or snapping at me. the last month of dating he just stopped sleeping with me entirely but insists he still cares for me. but I'm getting confused as to why he has gotten cold I started to worry it was my fault.

recently he has called me the following(while I have never ever said anything like this to him, nor blown my top at all):

psycho, moron, write your thoughts before you talk, I could walk away from you and this relationship and never feel a thing, you annoy the s---t out of me, you don't make sense when you talk, your thought process is stupid, I don't have the feelings for you I thought I could I just thought if I played the part I could,etc. etc

a few days ago he dumped me because he says I used to be really cool but now I'm just insecure and its irritating.

he followed that by telling me he cares about me very very much and he acted like that as a reaction to falling in love...but needs me to prove to him that I am making significant steps towards my happiness and self esteem in order for him to be in a relationship with me, and if I can prove that I have then we can be together...

Am I crazy or does this not make any sense. I feel terrible about myself , I have no idea if this is a fair request or what. I care about him a lot, and would prove it to him, but something tells me someone with self esteem would tell him..."I don't have to prove anything to you" and just walk away...

somebody give me some clarity!

Updates

+1 y

but a guy doesn't say all those mean things out of nowhere and then get on your case for your self esteem right

[Dyreath]

"something tells me someone with self esteem would tell him..."I don't have to prove anything to you" and just walk away..."

Somebody with self esteem wouldn't do this, they'd ask what they needed to do. If you like him and who he is then you need to do whatever he is asking you to do and not leaving the responsibility for it all in the hands of your "self-esteem".

Face facts, this is who he is. People aren't who they are when you're getting to know them. They worry more about what you want and emulate that instead of doing what they want. You haven't known him until he started acting out. If you don't like who he is, then dump him. Either love him or leave him, you've been with him for long enough.

If you're in this relationship and want to stay because you just don't want to be alone, then learn to tolerate it because it's not going to stop, all the "self-esteem" in the world isn't going to change the brain chemistry of somebody else.

If you're in it because you think he might be who he was at the beginning and hope that this passes, then keep hoping and be unhappy. If he has nothing to lose, then he has nothing to change.

When people act out like this (unless you're actually doing something severe) it has nothing to do with who they're with. You could replace yourself with any other girl and it would be the same situation. It is who he is. You have to get together with somebody you want, or you have to stop complaining about it.

My suggestion: Leave him. Tell him he's gone too far with the insults and to get back in touch with you in a month or two. After that time, if he gets back to you and respects your request until then, have him get together with you as if you're dating for the first time. Then see if things are the same. If not, then great. If they are, then leave him.

[Asker]

Blah

[GIntrovert]

"I don't have to prove anything to you" and just walk away... yep pretty much.

[GIntrovert]

He sounds like a jerk tell him you're not going to be treated like that.

[mountiegirl8]

You need to walk away from this guy as fast as possible. It sounds to me like he wants to break up with you, but he doesn't have the balls, so he berates you until you finally give in and do it for him. His dumping you is a test. He thinks that you're going to come running back to him, giving him the attention he craves, and then he'll continue treating you like crap because he knows you won't walk away. He likes the love but can't handle the work the relationship takes. Prove him wrong. Leave his ass. Find someone who treats you with respect and who doesn't make your self-esteem take a crash. Anyone who has to name call to get a point across probably has self-esteem issues of his own, and I really don't think that you're going to be able to help him with that when he doesn't respect a thing you say. Also, after about 3 months of dating, the so-called "honeymoon" period ends and you start to find out who the real person is behind those flowers and sweet talk. This is the real him, and you don't need it.

[yeths]

he is clearly a psycho he doesn't care about you he has a terrible personality that he tried to hide but couldn't for very long. Nothing is wrong with you, you're just in shock! Keep your head up and dump this freak, let him go give someone else a low self esteem.

[Reeses-pieces777]

he might be stressed out. you could recommend him to go to counselling or go with him. but it's mean him for say that. I wonder if he's doing that because he heard something about you.