Search Results: crush on old friend

I'm not currently dating anyone. And many things would have to happen for that to change. There are smaller things like:

My Lifestyle - It's not (observably) destined for financial success, and I'm suffering from anxiety and other medical issues that further hinder my potential. Which of course could be overlooked or helped if I found someone in person that loves me no matter my social or financial status.

My Outcast Mindset - Built-up feelings that I'm not deserving of intimate love. Which could also be overlooked if I find someone in person that expresses that love exact for me.

Then there are big ones are:

My Selectivity - I'm picky as hell when it comes to physical attractiveness! But I'm not unrealistic. I'm just severely limited. But later down the line, what if I were to lose physical attraction to my partner? And what if I can't gain it back? All of those have happened through the years with old crushes I've had. And that kind of makes me not want to get into a relationship since physical attraction holds such a strong influence. But then again, I don't know if that will ever change.

My Views on Monogamy - I wouldn't have a problem staying physically committed if I were in a relationship with someone. That's easy. But mentally faithful? That's another story. I really like the idea of having one partner to be committed & intimate with forever. But I feel like that sounds better on paper. I don't see the gain worth the mental trauma that I'd cause someone by naively getting into a relationship with them when I don't have the core stuff for a successful relationship figured out. I'm not entirely sure, but I think I'd just want a really good friend for life. That way I'm able to (safely) be intimate with anyone I'm sexually attracted to with no strings attached and no feelings hurt.

Photo by "Anton Darius" on Unsplash