Search Results: feel bad to see her cry

We were wrestling/fighting as usual. Just being funny but slightly serious. When we wrestle he sometimes pins me in very compromising positions or say things like "why don't you just submit?" or "you like to struggle don't you.. Huh?". Never thought much of it as we were just being playful. The other night we were wrestling bc of some petty argument lol don't remember. Note: He is 6'1 about 180lbs, Im 5'4 and 130lbs. He's super strong and I found out to free myself I could just go for his butt lol or butthole lmao and he just jumps and clenches up real quick, letting me go. I've been using this tactic for a while. Back to the other night, at one point of tbe wrestling he goes "im going to rape you one day"? We were playing so I laughed it off and said he wouldn't and he says that I didn't know that... Now thinking about it this wouldn't be the first time he had said something similar. We have been dating for 1.5 years. The first time we had sex (my first time) and i remember it being rapey (its a long story, message me if you want to know about it). I didn't know how to feel about that so I kinda blocked it. I remember how the other day he got turned on when he found me quietly crying when we were cuddled up. I have asked him if he has rape fantasy and he said no but he found it hot if I cried asking him to stop? I don't know if he still thinks so bc that was a fee months ago.

He is a bit of a psycho but I don't see him hurting me like that. He tells me that im his life and that I mean the world to him. He worries about my safety and is very protective. Given what we both went through and how our lives crossed twice. He believes I saved him. Hoping it's a bad joke and that im not thinking way too much into this. He's 19 im 20. My second first serious relationship.