Search Results: feeling alive

I don't understand why my very close guy friend of several years, acts so affectionate and lovey dovey when he is under the influence, but otherwise he never makes a move on me. When we are out goofing around in a group or alone, only when he's under the influence, he holds my hand, follows me everywhere, kisses me, and says things like "you make me feel alive again" or "your my other half". He brings me around his friends and family regularly, when they ask if we are together he tells them we are just friends, and then sometimes he just wants to have "our night". We get along so well, but after I told him i wanted more, he backed away until months later, for my birthday, and surprised me with my favorite treats. I asked him why he never replied to my three words, and he said he had no clue what I was talking about. I asked him months later when we were out, and he had plenty of wine, and he said "it's not that I don't love you, because I do, but I can't give you my all right now", bullshit excuse. He is always there when I need him, but anytime after we have an episode of him being overly sweet, he stops reaching out backs away, and I just wait for him to come around. I haven't reciprocated any feelings or respond to his advances in about a year, until we kissed the other day, and he said "I want you now more than ever, kiss me back". He asked to hang out the next day, but I was busy. Later, I told him I finished early, I can come by now, and he said "Can't, sorry". Next day he texted me and said hey what are you doing, and when I replied he didn't say anything. I went on a leap and messaged him today asking how he was doing, and he still hasn't replied.