Search Results: be more confident in a relationship

I was deeply in love with my ex girlfriend for 3 years, but things eventually went south. After my break up years ago, I fell into depression and let myself go. I gained 30 pounds. I figured the only way to move forward was to find someone new, to find another serious relationship.

I tried to meet more girls to no avail. I figured I wasn't good enough so I needed to work out. I dedicated months and effort into getting fit. When I finally got abs I was so proud of myself, I felt confident. I tried meeting more girls through speed dating, dating, online dating only to face faliure again. It especially stung when the girls who rejected me were in far worse physical shape than I was.

My efforts feel like a waste of time. My body is in good shape now, and I have no one to appreciate it. I feel like giving up on life.

Years ago, I developed feelings for a friend. I let the romanticised thoughts of us having a relationship together build in my head to a point of obsession and eventually couldn't take it anymore. I told her my feelings; if only to get it off my chest.

She didn't feel the same but asked if we could still be friends. I agreed, though I was a little hurt at first and I fell into a depressive stint. Being rejected got me thinking: "I look for qualities I in a woman, but what can I possibly offer them?" At the time, I would have described myself as: depressed, tubby and no self esteem/ self confidence.

I joined a gym and started dieting. Lost a lot of weight and while I don't mean to brag, I finally feel confident due to my newly formed attractive body (less flab, more abs). I'm also a hell of a lot more motivated and out going than I once was. As for my friend, we would sometimes talk over the next couple of years; but only a few times. Nothing bad; we just didn't end up talking that much.

We recently started talking again and I noticed she seemed different around me than before. Eventually, she told me that she'd developed feelings for the "new me". (my words, not hers) and asked if I still felt the same? I told her I needed to think about it because... well... I'm not sure it's a good idea to date her...

On the one hand, I still have feelings for her and it would be a dream come true... But on the other hand, I spent years telling myself not to feed this obsession for her and to move on with my life; it was unhealthy and damaged our friendship. I've changed so much ( I think for the better) since I confided my feelings in her that I find myself asking if she's even really in love with me or my new sexy body and newly found confidence. Then again, isn't that why I made these changes: to seem more attractive to the opposite sex?

Do I give into my urges and have a relationship with her? Or do I continue to tell myself there's nothing there and we should both move on?

I have personally never struggled expressing my interest in other people.
Typically, I will let my interest be known in a nonchalant and non-oppressive manner as soon as I acknowledge it internally.

It is the smallest amount of "initiation" I'm comfortable doing because I acknowledge that the average person might not be as comfortable expressing themselves as I am. (due to the combination of internal and external factors such as "norms" and "social expectations")

This way, the other person doesn't have to face any uncertainty, should they develop an interest in me as well and even if they aren't a particularly confident person discerning their attitude towards me becomes much easier. (both ways)
But at the same time I'm not setting myself up for rejection and I'm not imposing any sort of obligation on them to provide me with "an answer", they are free to process things at their own pace and should they never develop anything towards me they can simply do nothing and our relationship can remain completely unaffected.

With those who I have never expressed my interest about, I find it more difficult to "see the signs".
But then again, we don't really try to see signs in people who we don't feel personally invested in anyway.


How about you?
Do you find it easy to tell if someone is interested in you?
Do you have "tricks" up your sleeve to find out?