First of all, I want to clarify that neither extroverts nor introverts are better. though I want to tell you my story, how I basically managed to shift my shy little self into being open minded and outgoing by taking steps for myself and fighting for my confidence. I remember being always that awkward kid who had their four friends and was totally weird around other people.
Once in grade 7 we´ve been on a five day class trip and went skiing, and I heard the boys talking. I was a good listener at that time, or, let´s say, I had no other choice than listening carefully to conversations I wasn´t particularly supposed to listen, because talking was I´ve always had struggle with. So those boys were talking about their favorite youtubers and videos, and that just left me so excited, because that was just what I was totally into at that time. I prepared literally for days to have a conversation at the right time with them, and when they finally talked about it again and I came across to mention what I knew about those youtubers.
I felt so proud to be seen from those guys. They were actually listening to me for some minutes. And even more; they were excited that I knew their favorite youtubers as a little girl. That was a great moment.
I haven´t felt well ever sice and you see how bad that was to feel so special after such little social achievements. I always felt like proving myself to anyone. I was afraid to talk to people and I was overthinking so much that I lied in bed crying after socail events where everyone else was talking so carelessly and I just couldn´t find the courage.
So now, I want to tell you how I fixed my anxiety and developed slowly very close to the person I desired to be all my life. It was such a huge step for me. I´ve never been a patient girl, I wanted everything now. So I didn´t take little steps, I just threw myself into it. But that is what I am most proud of today: My courage to find courage.
So I said to myself after 9 years in school of being awkward and super shy: I gotta stop. After this summer, I won´t be the same person again. So I decided to send myself to a youth camp around 1000km away from home - alone. No friends with me, no parents, no way to escape, just sticking around with a whole crowd of teens for a week in tents all day long. My mom booked it and I started pondering. Was that the right thing to to? What if I couldn´t find friends? If those people didn´t like me, or even bullied me? The night before departure, I cried a lot and couldn´t sleep, but I somehow pulled myself together and asked myself: How bad could it be? It´s just a single week.
I didn´t want to encounter all those strangers the way I was. Nobody knew me there, so I showed them the person I wanted to be - and it worked. I talked to everyone and smiled at everyone. I asked for their names, even twice or three times until I remembered them and I tried to joke around with everyone. Neither I was a good joke or story teller, but I managed to find friends. And guess what - it was so easy. Easier than I ever imagined. Those two people I felt the greatest connection with on my trip, are my two best friends until now and they are the best thing that ever happened to me.
After this week, I went abroad in 10th grade for school, and the week prepared me just the best for it. I did everything I did here, because again, nobody knew me and I could just start over in a completely new social environment, and it worked out. One year later, new school in my hometown, same thing, same effect.
I want to share this list of things you can follow for easily connecting and gaining sympathy from your environment:
- make eye contact. It makes you look confident and credible.
- SMILE! It´s the easiest and most beautiful thing to give
- ask questions which can´t be just answered with one word to get your conversation partner talking
- share what you love and are passionate about. Other people will get inspired
- don´t take yourself too seriously. Something embarassing happened - laugh it off. Also, people love hearing embarassing stories, because it´s juicy and fun to listed to at the same time, and when you handle it jokey and confident people will just love you for that. It´s also very nice listenig to someones weak points, which are not making you actually look weak rather than authentic and easier to connect with
- give people´s jokes a giggle. Yes, even if they´re not funny. But everyone loves it when they can successfully bring their jokes across!
and the last important thing: don´t worry, if it doesn´t work out with your conversation partner or even a group of people. You don´t have to get along with everyone, that´s not even possible. And even those kind of magical persons who seem to get along with everyone - you might not know the whole truth. There are defenetely people disliking them too. Trying to be friends with literally everyone is leaving you frustrated and some people just don´t match. I took years to understand it and realise that it´s not my fault if it´s awkward with some people. Just keep that in mind.
The second thing is: You are enough. If it doesn´t work out, get over those people and move on. But keep being chill with them (as long as they´re not being mean)
So concluding my own experience, I can say that I´m totally happy now. I´m having my best friends from camp, my own squat, most people like me and I´m getting along with enough great guys and girls to survive school. I´m even one of my grade representators!
You may think, you can´t change. And I know you are afraid. Believe me, I was afraid. But at one point you have to decide what´s bigger: your fear of people, or your desire to be who you ever wanted to be? I decided, and I won my challenge. There´s no one to help you through this, because the actual step towards your goal is only up to you, and only you. So you know what´s worse than failing? Giving up. Fortunately, in this game, there´s not such thing as failing, it´s simply not how that works. It´s experiencing, learning and trying, so every "fail" just makes you stronger.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you all the best and just message me if you haave questions. If I could inspire at least one person, my goal for today is done :)
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