Search Results: pushing him away

I'm not even going to sugarcoat how I feel. Ever since I was about 9 years old I hate Mother's Day with a passion because my mom left us because she wanted to have a life of her own and she didn't want to deal with me because I have a disability (Autism). I didn't have much of a mother growing up. I would look at my friend's with their mothers with envy and jealously. I would pretend that their moms were mine to fill that empty hole in my heart. I remember most of my classmates would make gifts for their mothers and I was the only one that didn't get to make one for my mom and I will sit there and being very sad and jealous. Like in third grade my teacher saw me and she knew I didn't have my mother around and she didn't say anything to me so she kept helping the other kids. She told me this is Mother's Day and I should sit this one out because my mom isn't really in my life. When I send my mom gifts she never once called and said thank you to me. My brothers never send her anything because they said she doesn't deserve it and said I need to stop. My youngest older brother said bluntly, "Why bother sending her Mother's Day gifts when SHE was the one the dumped us and left us and dad heartbroken? She is no mother to us. She is our mother but not our MOM. Let go already and move on! We have our aunts. Give your gifts to our aunt. She has been more of a mother to us then our cowardly, selfish, flaky mother. Stop pushing her away and she isn't going ANYWHERE. She loves us so much and she especially loves you to death." Can anybody relate to me?
I just can't let go of my mom. I need her but she keeps pushing me away and break promises.