Biggest pet peeves of being an amputee

Other_Tommy_Wiseau

Note:

Since I lost my leg in a freak sports accident nearly 2 months ago, I’ve surprisingly taken it pretty well. With that said, I’m still wheelchair bound for at least 6 more months. Since then, I’ve noticed a few things that kind of get on my nerves to really piss me off. So this is a list of my top 5 pet peeves of being an amputee and/or being wheelchair bound:

I had to put at least 1 picture
I had to put at least 1 picture

1) Asking how I got hurt

This one didn’t bother me at 1st. To be frank, I’m fine telling people I dislocated my knee playing a sport. And that, after trying to reset my knee multiple times, the popliteal artery (major artery) got severed and nearly killed me from blood loss, resulting in an amputation. And that I had to amputate AK (above the knee) to have a better quality of life because remaining BK (below the knee) could have cause further complications or I had limited ability to walk... With that said, what gets real old real quick is when strangers ask. I’m generally fine with answering as it’s an honest question. But when their 1st words are “what happened to you?” (which a grown ass man fucking yelled in public) without even asking what my fucking name is, that’s when I start getting a pretty angry and would otherwise punch you in the face (if I could reach 😂)... Thanks, dickhead, nice to meet you too. But me being the perennial passive-aggressive mook, I always answer the basic I got hurt playing sports. What I always get annoyed at is when they press and somehow feel it’s their birthright to follow up and ask what I was playing, when I got hurt, where, my blood type, my great great grandma’s maiden name, etc. And proceed to go on and tell me about their friend who lost their leg from wetting the bed or some shit as if that somehow makes me feel better or make my leg grow back. I got hurt, thanks for noticing... did you also notice the sun is bright and it’s hot as ballsack today (I live in Texas)?

2) “Be strong” Guy/ “ You’re such an inspiration” Dude

This one usually follows the 1st after they hear my story. Usually people comment on my positive attitude... As if I’m supposed to be super depressed. In reality, I’m just apathetic since it’s my new reality. It happened; move on. While I get the intention, and people generally mean it, I get miffed because I feel like it’s the thing to say... like when people say to soldiers “thank you for your service”. Not to compare myself to soldiers but the sayings end up sounding trivial with little meaning behind it. The latter generally sounds hollow. To be fair, to the people close to me such as family friends, and even my nurses/doctors, I can understand because they’ve taken care of me. But when random people say it because I have a disability and not drinking my tears, I feel more like a piñata.

3) When people tell me what to do

When being in a wheelchair and have 1 good leg (which is actually recovering from neuropathy with no feeling in your foot), doing things becomes a little more challenging. Because of that, you have to become more aware, creative, and you get used to certain things. The act of going to the bathroom or getting food becomes a strategic challenge. What gets real old real quick is when people tell me how to do things... generally my parents and family. Again, I understand that they are looking out for my safety, but let’s face it, I’ve been crippled and they haven’t. Telling me how I should get in/out of my bed or the car while I’ve been functional since I was still in the hospital makes no goddamn sense. You don’t tell an astronaut how to float in space. And what makes it even worse is when I tell them what to do and they can’t fucking remember basic directions. For example, when I tell them how to position the wheelchair for weeks and can’t get it right after weeks despite me telling them the reasoning why they need to do it a certain way; or how I explicitly tell people to close my pill bottles so they don’t spill if I try to get them and wonder why I get beyond pissed when they don’t and I spill them on the floor. Unfortunately, there’s way too many examples

Don’t hold the door... hold the door... hold door... hodor... hoor... whore?
Don’t hold the door... hold the door... hold door... hodor... hoor... whore?

4) Help

This can go from pushing my chair to holding the door to picking things up for me. All are pretty annoying. Now, I appreciate that they are trying to help. I get it. But what you have to understand is that my biggest goal is to have my independence. Why I get peed when my mom or uncle pushes me is that my arms work fine. I already am missing 50% of my left leg and my right leg is essentially a useless noodle. I’ve been bedridden for literally a month, which meant I couldn’t do anything. Given how active I was (played sports 5x a week), the fact that they feel the need to push me after I vehemently tell them to stop gets my blood boiling. Or picking things up. I generally drop things when I’m rolling because I got shit in my lap... while it takes a bit of effort, I have a 6’4 wingspan. I can reach. With the door, I can open doors and pull myself through. While I’m fine with the initial gesture, when I say “I got it”, I don’t understand why people get almost hostile as if it’s their duty to pick things up (sometimes literally snatching the item off the floor as I’m about to pick them up) or sometimes literally pushing me out the way from behind as I’m literally opening the door and pulling myself through 😑. Or having to watch me/ask if I need help to transfer from the chair to the couch or to the bed or toilet... again, I’ve done this shit well before you’ve been here. And there are times when I did ask for help from them and were sleeping or they were gone for some reason and I had to do a certain thing by myself anyways, which is exactly why I tell them I don’t need/want their help. I get the intent, but again, what I’m trying to gain is my independence, not lose it. Don’t strip that away from me. If I need help, I know my limitations... I’ll ask for help.

5) talking about me

this kinda goes back to #1. Luckily, this only happened 2x in the 2 weeks I’ve been home, but nonetheless, it’s fucking annoying. Anecdotally, I’ve had 2 people ask my mom what happened to me, how I got injured and how I’m doing... while I’m literally right next to her. Like bitch, why are you whispering as if I can’t fucking hear you? That was the 2 only times I’ve yelled at someone about my injury.

Conclusion:

I wrote this take not because I’m an asshole (ok I might be slightly), but I guess to vent. I think there’s a time and place for all of these things (except for #5). And I can understand how these can seem nitpicky and not worth complaining over. After all, these are pet peeves of things people asking genuine questions, telling me positive things or trying to help. But the same things get stale real quick. As I’m struggling to gain my independence back, I start to get the feeling that people start to see me as a figure that is a figure rather than an person. As a result, I get the sense that I’m struggling (at least now) to keep my identity and individuality.

Since I have another 6 weeks (at least) before I get evaluated for a prosthesis, I will essentially have to deal with some of the challenges of being an amputee. Being an AK (above knee) I’ll have harder challenges and won’t have many of the same luxuries I had before like I would bring a BK, like sprinting fast. With that said, thank god it’s 2019 because technology has almost caught up and I should be able to live a relatively normal life with a normal gait. With that said, I’ll probably write another, more positive, my take on being an amputee, but I had to crank this one out as a vent.

Biggest pet peeves of being an amputee
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Most Helpful Guy

  • GuidoThePizzaMaker
    This is very insightful. Whenever a friend goes through an injury or something, I only help them if they ask, and when it comes to interacting with disabled strangers I dont bring it up. Its called respect, the person is handicapped not useless, and they definitely know what they need to do better than anyone else.

    Excellent mytake
    Is this still revelant?
    • thanks for the answer! You’ve definitely got the right idea. You can acknowledge it. Hell, 95% of the time, I’m fine with jokes about my missing leg. But helping me really pisses me off, personally. Not just because I can physically do it, but in certain situations, helping me becomes dangerous. Like if I’m getting into the car and someone holds me. It throws off my balance and makes me more likely to fall.

    • Yes haha sometimes when people try to help they get in the way.
      It's best to wait and only give help of asked

Most Helpful Girl

  • SydneySentinel
    I have a friend whose cousin is an amputee (recently) and he makes funny jokes about his missing leg to people who don't know him well.

    Sorry about #2. I feel like I'm the kind of person to say that too. Maybe because it's so recent? May not always be that way.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I make jokes about it, too. Especially afterwards, it’s like it already happened so you might as well roll with it. I can kind of get why people get down about it, but crying about it constantly doesn’t do anyone any good

      As for the #2 thing; I get it. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s kinda like, of course you’re sorry... like who’s generally happy when someone gets injured? It’s like when people say “thoughts and prayers”, to me.

    • Thanks for the MHO

    • Fuck off! It was automated! I didn’t MHO your stupid response!!!

      JK! JK! I didn’t MHO it, but you’re cool and still had a really good comment 🙃🙂🙃🙂

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

43
  • dreamstar72
    You must be meeting the wrong people, because I was hurt at a young age and I have meet a lot of people and a VERY few has ever asked those questions. If they happened I just say I got hurt at a young age. I feel for you I know its hard and it kind of sucks to lose your dreams. The two this I hate the most is
    1: God has a plan for you
    2: ? (meaning being ignored after the first few minutes like ghost)
    •BTW• Smile stay beautiful enjoy life
    • Sorry mate, that was pretty hard to read... but thanks for answering! 🤗

    • See this is why you have a problem with people.

    • I mean it wasn’t great English, to be blunt, and some of it, frankly, doesn’t contextually make sense...

    • Show All
  • TheFarStar
    In short, u just don't want some1 to pity or hv sympathy for u.
    U just want other to treat u like a normal human being.
    Blv it or not but just this morning i posted this pic
    N just now i read ur story
  • highjinx
    i have a friend that lost his leg above the knee , i haven''t seen him yet but when i do see him should i act like i don't notice his leg or wait a while to say something , what would you prefer? should i not bring it up unless he does first?
    • I mean, you can probably ask him what happened and move on. You’ll know from how he tells it whether he’s cool with it or not. My only thing is, personally, don’t feel bad for me or tell me how “strong” or “inspirational” I am or how you’d react if that happened to you... it gets real stale real quick. Just ask and move on.

  • sageevalentinee
    I'm not an amputee and could not possibly understand. I will admit I feel awkward around those with noticeable evidence of illness or injury. Not quite sure how to act, how to be sensitive. I'm torn between trying to be empathetic and give them a hug or something and completely ignoring what I notice and treating them as a normal person, because that pity face is the worst thing in the world.

    Just know that, no one actually wants to disrespect you, or to hurt you, people just are unsure of how to carry themselves. We have good intentions.
  • TreeO2
    This makes a lot of sense. Reading through this I felt a bit annoyed at some of them too, especially in 4 with people that don't listen even after you've asked them to stop. The 'thanks, dickhead, nice to meet you too' comment was funny, it's nice you have a sense of humour. I'm not familiar with amputees/things they have to deal with, but it might just take time for at the very least some of these things to die down and not happen so often. God speed to you mate and I hope you can catch a break to be less peeved
  • Ally247
    Nice my take, it was interesting.
  • BronzedAdonis
    Pics or it didn’t happen bro
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