Search Results: never ask your boyfriend

Many years ago, i had a beautiful, loving, scaring and genuine girlfriend.
i can honestly say there is or was no one like her, girls like her are very rare.

Anyway, about 2 years into our relationship. i became emotionally unstable.
Try as i might i couldnt change. i hurt her, terribly. i never meant to, but i did.
i cheated on her with her own sister, i hit her, swar at her.

Eventually, she left (not that i blame her, i always wished her well). i never made contact with her for 7 years. Yesterday, i found out that she died from a very aggressive form of cancer, aged just 28 years old. She married her long term boyfriend before she died, she was with him for 7 years also.

I was and still am in shock. I still remember our first date, how she smelled so incredible, what she wore, and even what we talked about. that was 12 years ago.

I want to visit her grave, and tell her how sorry i am. She made me a better person by leaving, and she protected herself, i dont doubt that. I think if i could ask Emma now if i could visit her grave, she would say no, but i also think she would say "But if it would make you feel better"

I am now happily married to another woman, who reminds me of Emma in every way. Smart as hell, funny, unassuming, loving and devoted... im just a different man. Emma changed my life, and i will always be grateful.

What do i do?