I feel the need to post this after reading about another recent cheating post:
I do not believe in the saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. I find that mentality very immature. People are not robots with on and off switches. People are individuals with an infinite number of influences over their entire lifetimes, shoved around by the storms of current events.
I have a boyfriend who cheated on me once in past. He had developed some feelings for another girl while we were in college and had been seeing her for 3 or so months. I guess it was more of an affair in some sense? We were long distance and definitely weren't giving each other the time that we needed; we prioritized parties, school, other new friends and assumed our relationship would be okay. Clearly it wasn't.
We broke up after that, decided that we needed to reevaluate the things we wanted because we were still so young.
We remained friends and got back together after a year apart.
After that I started pharmacy school and became more distant than ever; we'd sometimes go weeks without a single word. He mentioned to me one day that he had hooked up with someone. No feelings, just sex.
I didn't know what to think, all I knew was that I was hurting and so he decided to end things with me. He told me to find someone better.
Truth be told, we never got over each other. We kept talking as friends up until my graduation three years later. He came out by plane and surprised me, sat alone in the audience with the biggest smile on his face. There was a certain gleam in his eyes....and I just *butterflies*
We never dated anyone else. We never discussed hookups...I'm sure we both had our fair share but we decided not to make a big deal of that, being single technically.
Now we're back together.
Am I worried he'll cheat again? Maybe in the back of my mind, sure. But love has always been a gamble. There was no guarantee then he wouldn't cheat on me, and there's no guarantee now. I do feel that he's changed though, and we're definitely not the same high school or college kids that we used to be. In some way, it feels like I'm in love with a whole new person...but at the same time, he's still the guy I met in 10th grade.
Am I stupid? Maybe a little, but I'm happy with him right now and that's more than enough for me.
For those people who believe cheaters can't change, try to open up your eyes.
If you made a mistake, would you want people to judge your entire being off of that mistake?
Not all of the cheaters in the world change, but some can...you've just got to know the difference between a true cheater (as a person) and someone who cheated before (but refuses to remain one).
If you ask me what I believe, it's that "Cheaters are people that have cheated in the past--not necessarily people who will cheat again"