Search Results: talk about herself or ask about you

Ok so she's from Germany, has only been here 2 years, is GORGEOUS and speaks atrocious English and is slightly awkward but really REALLY comes cross like a nice person. We literally just met for lunch because we're both into science and honestly the texting phase was hilarious. Lots of jokes and flirting.

So initially she walks in and recognizes me and gives me a nervous one-handed hug and says "Hi, hello you tall" then runs away and just sits where ever she wants before the hostess sat us down. Like ok... weird but whatever. The hostess gave me a weird smile and said it was ok

So from what I gather she can understand English near perfectly but has to think a lot before responding. She struggled and managed to explained to me a few of her interests, things she's done and I would try to ask questions and find out more - BUT when i would talk about myself it was a lot of nervous "oh... cool", "cool, ok ", "yes yes cool that's interesting". Obviously if an American girl does that it's because she doesn't care about anything you're saying and just wants to either leave or talk about herself.

Lunch was great, we shared each other's meals which normally is a sign of trust and being loosened up. She laughed a LOT when I brought up all the jokes we said over texting and just most of the stuff I was saying in general, we stayed in the diner for about 30 mins after we were done eating AND she actually ASKED me to walk her back to her school library (she had to study after lunch) - so obviously she wasn't in any rush to get away from me.

Many years ago, i had a beautiful, loving, scaring and genuine girlfriend.
i can honestly say there is or was no one like her, girls like her are very rare.

Anyway, about 2 years into our relationship. i became emotionally unstable.
Try as i might i couldnt change. i hurt her, terribly. i never meant to, but i did.
i cheated on her with her own sister, i hit her, swar at her.

Eventually, she left (not that i blame her, i always wished her well). i never made contact with her for 7 years. Yesterday, i found out that she died from a very aggressive form of cancer, aged just 28 years old. She married her long term boyfriend before she died, she was with him for 7 years also.

I was and still am in shock. I still remember our first date, how she smelled so incredible, what she wore, and even what we talked about. that was 12 years ago.

I want to visit her grave, and tell her how sorry i am. She made me a better person by leaving, and she protected herself, i dont doubt that. I think if i could ask Emma now if i could visit her grave, she would say no, but i also think she would say "But if it would make you feel better"

I am now happily married to another woman, who reminds me of Emma in every way. Smart as hell, funny, unassuming, loving and devoted... im just a different man. Emma changed my life, and i will always be grateful.

What do i do?