Search Results: being comfortable with myself

Alright so I sell panties and things of that nature online because me and my boyfriend are going through a tough time with money. I don't get much from it and I have a couple clients but not a lot. When it comes to this, it involves talking to men and creating the fantasy that I'm single and they have a chance. I'm not flirting with them and saying I wanna have sex but I often do a 😊 face and call them hun (only because I dont call my boyfriend hun and he doesn't call me that anymore so it's no harm). I do this in a respectful way because despite I'm doing this, I respect myself, my body and my man. All in all, seeing how I create this single persona, the men flirt and give me a bunch of compliments. What also comes with this gig is that I have to send sexy pics when they buy stuff so that brings more compliments.

Getting to the point, I'm starting to like the attention. My boyfriend doesn't really compliment me like in the beginning of the relationship. Which I get it, he was trying to "woo" me but now he got comfortable. I don't need the compliments but I like to hear that he appreciates me and acknowledges that I'm still here and still want to be wanted. I like the feeling of being wanted and desired and this gig gives me that. Should I feel bad for liking the attention and almost looking forward to emails from people because I want the compliments (not catching feels, I just like it)? Either way I'm not gonna stop this because despite it's a small gig, it's helping us eat. It's putting me one step closer to my greater goal. Opinions?

Please take all into consideration...

Ok, so I met him almost 2 years ago. We met online and clicked from the beginning. However, due to our circumstances & crazy amount of distance we haven't been able to meet until now.

About 8 months into talking, I felt like I was investing a lot of time & emotions into him so I didn't want him talking to other people. I was completely driven by my emotions and asked for us to be in a relationship even though we hadn't even met yet. I understand that from an objective point of view that seems dumb and illogical to be committed to someone you haven't even met and looking back, I wish I didn't do that. He also made it very clear that he wasn't ready for a relationship but I pushed it anyways (again I know that's my fault).

But soon after him agreeing to the relationship I became suspicious if he was actually being faithful or not. And about 7 months into us being "official" I found out he had about 3 one night stands over the course of us dating.

We've talked about it & there was nothing emotional. He even showed me the conversations between him and these people and it was clear that it was only sexually driven. Still, i felt hurt. And if this was a normal relationship or less complex situation I would've left immediately. But I basically gave him an ultimatum - either a relationship or stop talking which now I realize was wrong and I have not been very understanding in the past.. not someone he could feel comfortable being honest to. I'm not blaming myself for him cheating but it would be a lie to say my past actions didn't contribute to him being so dishonest.

Overall, he's been amazing to me.. always there for me. And there's so much of the relationship I don't want to lose. So I'm stuck between leaving and meeting him then giving another chance. He's done everything from giving me his passwords to answering my questions to anything to make me feel more comfortable. I'm conflicted. Please help