Yesterday I had lunch with my best friend at a bar/diner we usually go to. It's an architecturally and artistically "modern" venue with the bar on one side and comfy tables on the other. We usually sit at the bar. As always, after greeting a few bar tenders and waiters, we start discussing our love lives, school lives, and dancing (a mutual hobby of ours).
When we got to the topic of dating, we talked about this twenty-six year old French teacher I went on a date with a few months ago. Though it wasn't the first time we talked about the guy, my best friend pointed out that I clearly have a fetish for teachers (considering my romantic history with the species). My initial thought was, he caught me. Of course in one way or another I've known for a while now that I indeed have a fetish for these intelligent, authoritative men called teachers.
Honestly, I felt slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed discussing this topic with my wingman, but after some thought I decided it's actually something that may be interesting to inquire further. So my first question is, what is it about young male teachers that turns me on? One point I've stated already is that they're knowledgeable in their subject and authoritative in their "natural" environment - the classroom.
So, what about a knowledgeable and authoritative man is appealing to me? First of all, clearly I'm a submissive. I actually wasn't sure about this before since in some everyday contexts I act submissive while in other situations I like to be in control. So, how did I figure out which I'm more of?
Dancing is one of my hobbies, and for the past two years or so I've been learning ballroom. Of course, in ballroom I dance with various guys - some dominant, some submissive; I noticed I feel more comfortable when the man leads - which is a ballroom basic. However, I also learn tango which is quite distinct from waltz, foxtrot, and maybe even salsa. In tango, both parties are dominant. So as I worked with one of the teachers the other day, she would constantly tell me that I wasn't aggressive enough; that I needed to "push" more, as opposed to waltz. I understood what she was saying yet I couldn't quite emit the strength into my dancing. Even though I was "pushing" in my mind, I would have moments of "weakness".
For the next song I danced with the male teacher, keeping in mind what I'd just learned. I tried at first but immediately pulled back a little, and this time it wasn't because I couldn't but because, I guess, I didn't feel comfortable being aggressive with a guy. I can't believe I even wrote that just now. It's crazy. But true. I'm learning more about myself as I write this article.
I am a submissive with a teacher fetish.
For some reason it's not that difficult to admit in the context of dancing and learning to dance, but when I think about my "fetish" as a whole it is. It's embarrassing. In fact, it makes me feel ashamed in a sense. Why is that? Maybe that's how it's supposed to feel. Or is it not?
Is having a fetish a vice, a virtue, or simply a desire we should accept as part of our nature?
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