Search Results: falling apart

So me and my girlfriend have been apart something like 4-5 months now. I've had dreams of her and looked for ways to get her back from the guy she left me for ever since she left me on my birthday. I texted her an apology for acting like a simp after the breakup and she called me and accepted. The thing is EVERYTHING is in perfect clarity to me now. It wasn't really US who had problems with each other, it was THE WORLD AROUND US. ( We were awesome, but our relationship was under some pretty damn extreme circumstances) we were great for a long time, but it was long distance. We saw each other but only every so often. my family went homeless for awhile, I was stressed, her mom was a hater and blamed me for having a bad influence on her, so she kicked out my girlfriend, we both got jobs, and life had been thoroughly kicking my ass for about a year straight but those are only a few of the details. Long story short, I stopped taking care of her like I used to because... Life. She began feeling unhappy and neglected and began talking to an old friend of hers who became her emotional safety net when I wasn't there for her myself. She got grass is greener syndrome and bailed. They've been together since then. Do I explain how everything was actually okay between us and we just succumbed to falling on hard times, or text her another way? I don't wanna seem desperate. (I've since gotten myself together. Two jobs, gotten better with girls, been on some dates, got a new house, going to school, planning a future for myself, even moved MUCH closer to her... etc)

Me and my best friend fell for each other & were about to make the leap into making things offical ( a relationship) and she didn't tell me this but i knew it. We both loved each other then and still do... we had a misunderstanding situation where we ended up not talking for a while and she was mad at me but a few months ago we reconnected and our friendship is just a strong and we're still bestfriends. We talk from morning until she falls asleep every night. But during our time apart a guy was sent to her through a family member of hers who thought they would make a good couple and they started talking and are now dating. His job is on a boat that takes him away for months... about 8 months so they hardly didn't do much together. Recently out of no where we were jsut asking each other questions as a form of game and a way to know each other even more than we already do. And out of no where through those questions i found out that she still loves me and has feelings for me and that whole time was missing me just as much. She also told me that she still thinks about me sexually and thinks about the pics i sent her that we traded when were falling for each other. But she also said that she thinks about both of us that way. She hold back her feelings for me and if something came up where she didn't want to answer but the answer would most likely favor me or admitting something to me that would lean towards me she would just use a specific emoji as to say that she can't answer that. I really love her but at the same time it hurts to know that i can't have her. It really sucked to have lost my bestfriend and the person i love and care for so much at the same time those few months back. I dont know how much more i can take... i just want to express to her all the time how much i love her and how much i want to be there with her. But she stops me because she doesn't want to think about it. I guess she made her decision by doing this and choosing to stay with him. I want my best friend in my life but i dont know if i can sit back and watch her relationship grow with this guy. What should i do?