I have mentioned Hannah in a fair few of my comment responses but Hannah's life has not been easy and with her permission I am going to try and tell her story the best I can.
I orignally met Hannah in 2001 via her 23 year old sister and good friend Annabelle who I was attending college with , Hannah was living with Annabelle at the time (I am not sure of the reasons behind it i never asked) I was not with her then of course I was in a relationship with a nice girl Called Caroline but I formed a friend relationship with Hannah quickly.
All was going great with my friendship with Hannah she even got on with my partner then Caroline they were buddies too then one day in August 2002 I got word from Annabelle in tears that would change Hannah’s life that she'd been violently raped and she was at the hosptial undergoing emergency surgery for some of her injuries I was worried sick and could not help but think of Hannah
A week later I visited Hannah at her sisters house after being released from hospital and intensive care to check on the poor thing and I was shocked to see how badly bruised and cut Hannah was a picture of this shows it but its very upsetting and I cannot forget it even without it so I won't be uploading It clearly in pain from her injuries It was not clear to me at the time but Hannah had a smashed jaw and damage to her throat due to being slapped and hit hard in the face and choked several times I could not get close to Hannah she painfully cowered into a corner of Annabelle's sitting room visibly shaking and terrified.
When I left I knew Hannah needed lots of time and Annabelle's care and counselling to deal with what she was going through , I wanted to do whatever i could to help her so I decided to write letters to Hannah so she felt included in everything I was doing something I always told Hannah before the nasty events happened , I felt a little silly buying notepads with flower backgrounds in the paper shop but I Just prayed and hoped that they would make Hannah feel a little better.
I did not see Hannah again in person until aug 2004 by which time I was no longer with Caroline, Annabelle had been signing Hannah's praises for a while as she was working so hard at university in dance & Ballet classes 3 weeks into August 2004 I got a letter at home with a inviation and vip credentials to her first performance in a ballet showcase, I Remember watching Hannah & thinking how beautiful and sophisticated she looked and like she had been a pro for years following the show all I wanted to do was go backstage and meet the young woman Hannah had become and I remember it being the first time Hannah had hugged me since the events that happened.
Following that event me and Hannah slowly & carefully rebuilt the friendship we had Hannah's trauma was still a sore wound refusing to heal in 2010 we lost contact for a little while Hannah undertook some more professional level ballet training in 2012 we were back to normal and getting together a lot and out of the blue Annabelle asked me what I thought of Hannah I said I had always liked her she was a pretty girl with a great personality and would with the right guy be a perfect girlfriend , little did I know Annabelle saw me as that perfect guy for her little sister and was going to put us both on a date at a local quiet sophiscated hotel resurant which went very well Annabelle was close by throughout for Hannah with her new husband.
we dated more over the next year I was taking things nice and slowly with Hannah especially considering what had happened to her last thing I wanted was to upset Hannah , In December 2013 with Hannah being quite traditional and loving the spirit of Christmas kissed me under mistletoe she had put above her door and finally said I made her happy and she was falling in love with me we continued to bond really close after that and we settled down a little Hannah was starting to feel more confident in herself and she told me that the job she started a few years before was going really well and she had been promoted.
Then things fell apart for Hannah again in late 2014 her mum passed away and Hannah took It hard blaming herself for not being there and not being a perfect daughter which led intially to Hannah putting a 3in kitchen knife in her left arm to punish herself a few days after that Hannah was placed in a local mental health unit for support Hannah remained in the faclility for 5 weeks where she recieved extensive emotional support and counselling
This was hard on both of us and our happy relationship , Hannah who in her words at the time said it felt like a prison and she had no escape at the the time and for me seeing a timid and innocent Hannah locked up in a what I felt was a big cage caused me to cry , reduce sleep to virtually zero and ramp up my own aniexty and depression.
but the futher damage caused as a result of her hosptial stay were not immediately evident on Hannah's release It delevoped over a few day's with things like Hannah not wanting to cuddle me or want to be intimate something Hannah's therapist said would help her heal , lying in bed cuddling a teddy bear , crying and calling herself names like "useless pathetic Hannah" or " put me in the Rejects pile i am a broken toy and no one wants one of those " loving Hannah was very hard while she was like this systematically emotionally tearing herself to pieces and I did not like it one bit and certainly not like the fact I was feeling less and less attracted to Hannah.
I Quietly spoke to Hannah and said I loved her more than anything but she was scaring me by tearing herself apart Hannah agreed to see her doctor again as she did not know It was upsetting me who contacted her therapist and started Hannah on more therapy and put us both on specalist trauma couples therapy.
As of now Hannah still requires a bit of supportive care which I give her it could be simple things like comforting her with cuddles or letting her put her head on my chest under the duvet cover If she has a nightmare or something makes her unexpectedly jump to things like ensuring she's wearing her medical wristband which sends a text to my mobile with Hannah's stress & Aniexty levels and her location If they rise beyond a preset level as It can become dangerous for Hannah at that stage as she could panic and work herself up and get very hot in the process which is dangerous for anyone.
Unfortunately most of the above happens most days meaning I have to spend anywhere from an hour to 2 hours sitting with a very shaky & frightened Hannah in complete slience quietly calming her back down.
But one thing throughout everything is that me and Hannah are still a very happy couple and as 2015 gets ever closer to saying goodbye we will continue to support each other and look forwards not backwards.
And one thing I would never call Hannah is "broken" because I think that term is horrible just because a someone has had a bad life does not mean they dont want to or deserve to be loved (again). Look at Hannah she was viciously abused and yet she's learnt to love again in me the rewards are there if you are prepared to work hard especially in their eyes.
Kerbie & Hannah
xx
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Encouraging work... lot of it has to do with maturity and immaturity of all parties.
She's so lucky to have someone so supportive. I always felt like I was burdening guys with my mental health issues and my friend feels the same. I sometimes feel like I'm going mad but no-one understands and I think who'd love someone who like me?
My first ex boyfriend has got in contact in the last couple of days and he's been very supportive. He saw me and he said I looked so ill and unhappy, it really concerned him so now he's trying to support me and help with my depression which is surprisingly nice of him. It's refreshing that he's so accepting because I never had mental health issues when I was with him. He's the only one who's seen such a change in me, which has saddened me to think I'm no longer the happy, naive girl I once was. I've lost the spark in my eye.
I feel broken and damaged, I tell people that so they know from the get go, but it's lovely that you don't consider her "broken". It makes me feel more hopeful.
Thankyou Hannah.
I am pleased to hear that you have more support now in your ex it's very good to have a support network of friends family etc because you will heal much quicker with one as they care about you 😊
I think for some guys they don't like a girl with health issues because they won't look good infront of there mates and don't want to have any responsibility or don't even
issues.
How to understand there issues let alone care for them