Search Results: emotionally distant

So, I have been in what is apparently NOT a long-distance relationship with a guy I knew for about 2 years before we got together. We have a lot of mutual friends who live in this area.

I've flown out to see him 3 times, which he wanted, but has not come out here to see me. He wanted to in October, but there was an illness in his family so he said it would be Jan/Feb. I offered to go in Dec. as I could visit longer than he could here due to his work. He was happy about that.

During the past year +, he's gone from being really caring/open to being really distant/non-communicative, then back again. We never made any promises to be exclusive or other promises - it's been open to whatever happens. After the first month, h's been really inconsistent about openly discussing things between us. (The 1st month, I was blown away by how emotionally direct he was, and I fell for him.) I also feel he's been passive aggressive and indirect about many things that he just doesn't need to be if we aren't in a committed relationship. I've offered a clean break with no hard feelings 2x+, but he's always contacted me & kept things going.

I felt him getting distant before my last visit, but trying to discuss it went nowhere. So was really hard to go visit him, but I wanted to know the status. I went and we had a good time overall, and I felt we got really close. The last night, I asked him what's next, what he wants to happen. He didn't know how to respond but asked what I want. I said I want things to progress. He eventually said he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. That upset me, but I kept my cool till the next day, but when we were leaving I got upset and cried - UGH! He was trying to be sweet to me but seemed LOST.

I called him about a week later and explained why I was upset. I said I think he's right, - best to leave it as just friends, and hope we can be more open as friends than we have been. He was cool w that.

So he's kept calling me a 1-2/week, but the conversation has been light. Then Thursday, his phone 'pocket-dialed me, and he sounded like he was out with friends drinking. I called him the next night and joked about it but then asked who he was with - I found out HE WAS IN MY CITY! I initially kept my cool and said it was a bummer I couldn't get out of my plans, but wished I knew he was going to be around. He said he'd been planning to come see me in the fall.

So. I know he owes me no explanations for his comings and goings, I know we are just friends, and he has a right to visit whoever he wants, but it just upset me that I went out there 3 times and he didn't even tell me he was here. I don't think it was any accident he 'butt dialed' me. He prob. wanted me to know he was here w/o seeing me? I called back and told him (see title).

So, was I wrong to get p*ssed? Do I owe an apology/explanation? I hate leaving it like this, but my (not our) friends say "FINALLY! He's had it coming for a long time!"

Your feedback please?