Why does my boyfriend never call or text me?

I've been seeing this guy since Septemberish (we met in late August) and we made things official about a month ago. Lately he hasn't been calling or texting me much. He has emailed me a few times but they are hollow emails. When we are together, things seem to be pretty good.

It also kind of bothers me because I haven't seen him since Wed and I'm not going to see him again until Tuesday (he has finals).

I'm not totally unreasonable, I know that finals time is a difficult, stressful time. I guess that could be why he hasn't been calling me much but I feel like he wasn't contacting me really even before finals started.

Also, here is some background info on what's been going on lately:

Last weekend, we spent the entire weekend together. Friday-Sunday. Overall I guess it was pretty good. I'm always unsure of these things. We didn't do much, just a quiet, rainy weekend in his apartment. He told me that sometimes he preferred just hanging out with me doing nothing as opposed to going out and such.

When I left Monday morning, he asked me when we would be together again and, since he has finals, I said I didn't know and that it was really up to him. I did offer that we could wait until the bulk of his exams were done. First he said that he didn't like that idea. Then on Wed night, he said that waiting a week was probably best. I have a lot of stuff at his apartment (including my laptop) so I asked if I could stop by briefly before that so I could pick it up. He said yes and that he wanted to hang out a bit because he was going to miss me a lot if he wasn't going to see me for almost a week.

So this is a four part question:

1) Would a boyfriend not call his girlfriend for reasons other than he doesn't like her anymore or he's swamped with work? Are there guys out there who still don't call or text even when in a relationship? Why is that?

2) Should I do anything about it? A long time ago, I would just call a guy but now I'm sort of guarded when it comes to this stuff. But should I even text/call him at all or just wait for him? I don't want to pester him or to think that he needs to give me 24/7 attention (regardless of what this question might indicate to you, I really don't require it, I just get nervous sometimes). But I also don't want to be too distant. Finding balance in these situations is a problem for me.

3) I know I should probably give him space but I'm afraid that if I do, he will find that he doesn't really like me. So how does it work, if a girlfriend makes herself a little less available does absence make the heart grow fonder or is out of sight out of mind?

4) Is it possible that he is losing interest in me? Is it probable? How quickly do men lose interest? My gut reaction is to prepare myself for heart break but I am also naturally paranoid and I am also really emotionally invested in this kid - which makes me 374683746% more scared and ready to run than usual.

Please, I feel really uneasy about this and I feel like I'm going to throw up from it.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • wow wow wow wow wow slow the hell down take a deep breath in out... in with the good out with the bad, calm down...done? ok good. you're over reacting a little but, but its only natural so don't worry =)

    finals are a really stressful time, especially if he wants to do well so its better not to distract him, and I mean distraact, you can still see/talk to him when he's takeing a break =) no human being can possibly study 24hours straight withought taking a time out. so ill try answer your questions as best I can:

    1. men are naturally more goal oritated than wimen wich means that sometimes when we get focuesd on something we forget about the other things, even our wimen, wich doesent meant hat we don't love them! (for example try talking to a guy while he's watching a football game you'll know what I mean). so he's just passing through a touch phase in his life right now with the exams and focuseing in on that, wich is a good thing since he knows its important to succeed. some guys really don't call or text while in a relationship, the reasons can be various from that he's too busy, he has no cash on his phone, he doesent respect his woman and refers to her as "ma b*tch" it all really depends on how he treats you and only you can answer that question.

    2. you should defenatly let him focus on his exams since he's so intent on doing well if you distract him too much you can risk annoying him and coming off as pesky or clingy, and altho that is cute its also never a good thing to be. what you can do tho is help him in his studys, like cook or help with the laundry, id he's prepareing for exams, those things tend to get in the way, if you can help with that and concequently help him focus on his studys, then he will appreciate you even more, just don't be too obvious about it and distract him.

    3. some guys like the chace, like a challenge depends on the guy and what works with him, altho if he already has you retracting might not be a good idea since you're already in a stabel relationship and moving away might be risking tipping the balance. there's no real way of telling till his exams are over and he has free time anyway so I suggest you have your patience, the last thing he needs now on his mind while having exams is his girlfreind being insecure, cin up!

    4. you're overeacting and being insecure, don't he's just busy, either way he probably is just swaped with his academia and has moved his focus to that. if he was getting bored of you then he probably wouldent say things like he really misses you or wants to see you, men just don't do that unless they want to hold on to somebody so you should think about that; if he really wasent interested in you would he invest the time? sit with you an entire weekend when he can go hang out with his freinds or hook up with other girls? something tells me you're more dear to him than you realise =)

    either way just have patience and calme down... deep breaths!

    • Indeed...

      Wait until after his finals are done.

    • Yeah...I over react. Over insignificant stuff. ALWAYS. It's kind of why I joined this site. I recognized long ago that this is not only an issue, it's a problem. While I can't curtail all of it, I CAN control some of it and let the rest out on the internet! Haha.

      Anyway, good answers all around. Also, thanks for your nice but firm tone. Much appreciated.

    • Don't mention it, I don't think I said anything special that made you have a sudden revelation, all I said is something I'm sure you already knew deep down inside or could have realized on your own, so really I don't think I did anything at all. no need to thank me =)

What Girls Said 1

  • Sooo I had this problem too but when we talked it out, he told me: It's a two way situation and he wouldn't know why I didn't text/call him when I should be also. He can't always be the one doing. (I always expected him to call or text me so some days I would not hear from him until 3 days pass. He would then say, "How come you never texted me?" I'd always expect too much and get mad but then I realized, he's right. I should also be texting/calling him if I want something.) I'm sure he is also waiting for you to do the calling/texting. You don't need to do it 24/7 as if you guys are stuck to each other, but you can simply ask what's up every now and then. Communication is the key. Also bring it up to him that it bothers you not hearing from him... he may say it's because you don't do it, or he may realize maybe he should be doing it more.

    Don't bug him out that he may be losing interest in you though. It will show you that you are insecure about the relationship and yourself (you sound like you are not valuable). However if you truly feel like it's going to end, you can state why you felt like this (stopped showing interest like he did in the past), etc. You have to work it out together and say what you have in your mind. He can't read you... apparently men cannot read women all too well and women somehow read men differently too. It's possible he is getting too used to the relationship but you say you guys are great when you're physically together.

    I suggest calling him up every night so he gets the picture and it becomes routine, even if it's just for 20 mins. Treat him like you treat your girl friends when you have something interesting to say. My boyfriend did this after a bad break up... we began communicating better everyday by talking on the phone at night because we did not do that when we were together. Now we are working it out. Hope for the best with you and your man. The best advice is to change the relationship a bit by giving some effort and telling him he needs to as well...

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