My boyfriend barely calls or text me?

[Anonymous]

Hey ya’ll
so my boyfriend of 10 years barely calls or text me anymore. when i ask him why he either says that sometimes he doesn’t want to call anyone and just sit and do nothing or he’ll say “i forgot sorry” but i feel like those excuses are bullshit. when i call him the first thing he says is “hi babe please don’t ask any questions” so i feel like the real reason he barely calls or texts is because he doesn’t want to deal with me always in my emotions, asking questions or annoying him. but I don't know what it could be. maybe he’s losing feelings and doesn’t want to tell me? I don't know. i’m very stressed out about it and I don't know what to do.

[_Maya_]

I think you are at the point in a long relationship that he just doesn't feel the need to be in constant contact. I am guessing this has slowly progressed over time and not some immediate thing. Am I right? If it is an immediate drop-off in texting and calling then there could be something underlying causing it. In that case you are going to have to rely on him communicating what is going on. Communication is so important in a relationship and if that is lost on him then you both are in trouble. The one thing that stands out to me that is a red flag is the first thing he says is don't ask any questions. That is rude in my opinion and not very fitting coming from a relationship that old. You are certainly allowed to ask questions. That is a normal part of a relationship.

[Asker]

yes it is something that came over time. he says don’t ask any questions because he says it’s everyday and everytime i call it’s to ask something

[_Maya_]

Well shame on you for asking a question! Gee how rude of you. I'm joking of course. Honestly in a longterm relationship what else do you have to talk about? I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now and looking through my texts to her most are questions from me or her like what do you want to do for dinner tonight? Can you pick up ________ on your way home? Did you get _______when you were out? Etc.

[Asker]

well i’m sure those questions are fine to be asked but i mostly ask “why did you like those girls pictures?” or “do you want to be with someone else?” or “do you even want to be together?” like relationship questions like that that i think annoys him

[_Maya_]

Well yeah, those types of questions show insecurity like you think he isn't into you after all that time. Is there a reason you ask him things like that?

[Asker]

well in the beginning in the relationship he was all about liking other girls pictures and i hated it. he barely hung out with me and focused on his friends. he never puts any effort into our relationship anymore. he barely calls me anymore or texts me and it sucks and it makes me sad.

[_Maya_]

I totally understand why it upsets you, but it is 10 years later. Why have you put up with it for that long? Why did you not move on in the beginning when he made no effort to start with? I am just curious is all. I think the writing was on the wall very early and you are expecting different now.

[Asker]

i didn’t know it was like that until recently when he mentioned it. it was a lot better after a year or two and i was very busy with my friends and work at the time so i didn’t notice and he took me out on dates so i was okay. but now he doesn’t do anything and he tells me that it’s my fault because i make it difficult. i make it “difficult” because i bring up the past every single day and i ask too many questions. i honestly feel like he just doesn’t care anymore and losing interest but he doesn’t want to be honest so he blames me

[_Maya_]

Yeah, I get that feeling too that a lot of it is his unwillingness to sit down and have an honest conversation about the relationship. That sounds like something that desperately needs to happen.

[Asker]

that’s definitely not going to happen though. he doesn’t want to talk about feelings anymore. if i talk about anything else he would call or text me but since i talk about feelings he will not. and i know if i dont talk about feelings for a whole week he will be happy to talk to me but there will be no effort on his end meaning no dates or him coming to see me

[_Maya_]

You might have to get drastic and give him a taste of his own medicine. I don't really like suggesting this but you might be out of options other than breaking up. Just do the same thing to him. Just don't care. See how he reacts to that and if it gets him worried something is up. I don't really condone playing games like this but if he isn't going to contribute then might be the only option left other than breakup.

[Asker]

i think the only option is going to break up because if i don’t care, he will be relieved and happy that im not calling him. he will go on with his day and be happy. i’ve asked him if he wants to break up and he says no but he doesn’t put an effort to do anything.

[_Maya_]

Sadly I am going to have to agree here. That absolutely sucks but what else can you do? It seems you have been trying. Really sorry this is the way our conversation ends up.

[DishLady]

I mean... after a while, you don't NEED to feverishly text one another in a relationship... Why are you getting so worked up about this?

And yes, I agree with what you've described HIM saying -- you seem WAY TOO wound up... very emotional for no reason. I don't like that he said annoying (if he said annoying)... The solution is to stop texting him. STOP. That's what he's asking for, that's what you do. Give him a chance to miss you and want to text you.

Also get some counseling for yourself. You don't need to be glued to your phone at your age.

[Anonymous]

It’s 10 years, not much to say anymore and he probably doesn’t feel like talking sometimes, maybe you guys don’t have anyone to talk to either

[HotManPlayboy]

The relationship has become very boring. You need innovations. You should try different things

[Aubrey97]

"Don't ask me questions" is kind of an odd immediate response. It's a little suspicious. Either he's up to something he doesn't want to answer for some reason or indeed he has grown tired od something in your personality he doesn't want to deal with. 10 years is a long time. It's possible you two have run your course but you'll have to have a real conversation with him about what's really going on in his brain to see if it's fixable.