Search Results: negative feelings

So I’m 24. Have tried taking a few psych medications and currently only rely on one benzodiazepine for anxiety (diagnosed with GAD). I have minor trauma exposure due to parents divorcing when I was 8 and being bullied growing up. All my life I’ve been concerned with my weight and now I’m more in the average/curvy body type range. I still feel I’m huge and unattractive. I have a hard time maintaining relationships. I don’t talk to my family and do not open up to potential friends (current acquaintances). I have a fear of being betrayed by people in my life, which is why I’m generally very closed off and stay to myself. I am always single. Only dated someone short term and the WHOLE TIME I was with him, I accused him of cheating when there was generally no evidence. I typically am paranoid of people in general as previously discussed, especially around guys. Not to mention, I don’t ever make the first move with a guy and play very hard to get, hence a result of my low self esteem and feeling they’re playing me/ not interested. I was not noticed by guys in HS (a vulnerable stage), which is why I tend to use online to talk to guys and avoid socializing in person. My psychiatrist thinks I’m very dramatic and just anxious, the extent of his opinion towards my mental health. I always fear the worst in life (failure and cancer) and worry about things that haven’t happened yet. I self sabotage. My mood swings are all over the place because I think of something negative and believe it is my reality, altering my behavior until something else distracts me. When I ask people, they tend to think I’m more normal than I really think I am. I am just socially anxious, antisocial and think I’m best off alone because I’m so much to deal with. Medication has helped but only so much.

I have been dating a guy for 6 mnths. He told me in the beginning that he wasn't ready to be committed, but I decided to date him and see if things would be. I've been feeling that this is reflected in his low effort behavior. I did express to him that I would appreciate it if he tried more and he actually improved. He tried to text me, call me more often, introduce me to his friends and family. At some point, he was almost acting as if he was my boyfriend. However, I still feel that he doesn't want to get closer and that something is missing. He would text me a few words everyday and tried to call me a few times a week. Yet, I felt that we didn't get more emotionally connected. I told him I felt as if he did not want to talk to me sometimes. He thinks I am too negative and never have enough although he already tried to improve. He said I am too needy and that stops him from feeling more. I used to receive a lot more attention and care from other guys I dated. That's why I had the idea that this guy isn't really into me.

I asked him again how he felt, and he said he likes me a lot but still doesn't feel more for me, and this probably won't change in the future. He still wants to keep seeing me and doesn't want to date others. He said it's in the back of his mind that he might move away, so that probably holds him back from feeling more. However, he seems to realize as well that this could change if he was in love with me, but he said he doesn't.

I like this guy a lot, and I am confused what I really want. I don't think he will be a good long term partner because of some missing qualities. Yet, I like his company a lot, and the sex is great. On the other hand, I'm also afraid I would feel more and fall for him. In fact, I'm not even sure if I already did

Am I really too needy? Should I keep seeing him and focus on the present, or let it all go? I do not want to stop seeing him but I'm afraid of the consequences.