I recently did a myTake that got mixed reviews but most were in the positive range
A Pregnant Position
“It's like an actually good fanfiction”
“That's a very new and interesting writing style. Very creative. Good job!”
“Great style of writing”
So I decided to try another one.
I found myself waking up and going back to sleep. Not because I was tired but because it felt better than waking up to face my reality. It felt good to go back to sleep only a certain point my body would not go back to sleep. I woke up with a resting headache. I sat up on my bed. My stomach gained some weight from being in a sit-down position and it made me depressed just looking at it. It honestly made me feel fat.
My hair felt matted and all in a mess. But I did not care. I was tired yet awake. I was aware yet asleep. I was sitting in my bed taking in the day. It was a day where I did not have to do anything but I did not feel like I wanted to do anything. I just wanted to sit in bed. But the more I sat in bed the more I thought about things. I thought about my ex, I thought about my life going nowhere, I thought about how I did not have any new boys in my life and how all my friends were busy. I was alone and I was stuck.
Some of my hair fell in my face and I blew it away with an exhausted look on my face. I felt down, sad, meaningless, and without value to me or anyone else. I sat in my bed. It was quiet and all I could hear was the noises from the outside. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. I went onto my social media site. I asked some questions and started responding to others. But the more I responded the more empty and meaningless I felt.
These were people with real lives and they were clearly in and high spirits and going places. I became bitter and started playing with some of them. Maybe they would feel just like I felt and I would feel that in some strange way I could relate to somebody. Right now, everyone else seemed happy but me. I was miserable and alone. There was clearly nothing there for me or no one there for me. I then thought how bad it was that I was socializing on a social media app instead of meeting real people.
This made me more bitter and cranky. It also added to how hopeless and meaningless I felt. I walked over to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and felt the bags under my eyes. I also thought about how my face looked. I must have looked terrible. I went and sat on the toilet. I let my pee out as I sat in thought and partly in despair. I did not look forward to tomorrow and I was having trouble getting to the end of today. I wiped my undercarriage and got up washed my hands in the sink. I took one more look at my horrible face. I went back to my bed and started seeing the sun start to set.
I turned on a light and on a whim, I just needed people to say bad things about me then I could confirm what I felt and maybe drown myself back into sleep. I leaned on my bed and took a side picture and posted it for people to comment. I waited for the negative comments but all I got were positive ones. They almost hurt me to read them. Why were they so positive here and not like it was in real life for me. I barely have guys look at me. Then someone responded. “You really need to try to put yourself out there. You are much better than you think. You just need to try. You have an amazing body and a cute smile. You should try to go to social event or two to see what happens. Try meetup.com I am sure they have an event in your area.” It was simple, too simple.
The comment was simple yet profound. It hit me in a way the others didn’t. I was mad, I was going to go to meetup.com and prove him wrong. I went and found the site pleasing at first. I wanted to see something to complain about but it was nice seeing people together and smiling. I wanted that to be me. I found myself hopeful for the first time in a long time and I found myself putting in the information. It pulled up an event happening less than a half hour away from where I lived with girls and guys bowling and going out to eat. It sounded fun. I could use some fun. Although I was nervous. What if It was like high school? What if they turned me down? Then the person responded back without being prompted. “I know you are nervous, but you have to try. Do it” I was slightly creeped out by that but also comforted.
I confirmed I would be at the meet up tomorrow. With a new sense of purpose, even though small, I found myself picking up my dirty clothes and throwing them into the wash. Then I picked up my plates from the last couple of days that were lying around and put them into the sink. Just picking up a bit made me feel better. I found myself picking up a little bit more at a time, until my room was cleaner than it had been in a while. I started wash and cleaned the dishes. Then I found some clean clothes and took a nice hot shower.
As I went back to my bed with a towel around my head and in my bathrobe, it got me to thinking. The way to bring myself around was baby steps. I had always thought I had to do it all at once but the way to do it was to start. I just had to do a small start. I just had to make a small bit of effort going forward and that made all the difference in the world. I pushed my phone aside for the time being. I laid back on my bed and enjoyed the hope and peace that I now felt. It was not complete or even that much but it was enough to enjoy some for the first time in a long time. I felt clean and fresh and I felt complete.
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