So me and a friend were chatting today and he gave me videos of songs, asking me who the best singer was. We share music often, no big deal.
But the last song he shared was very sad, about having to say goodbye and not being ready for that goodbye. Something that I and many of you have probably felt at some point in our lives. I lost a childhood friend and that song made that memory come back so I need to express it somewhere.
Then, coincidentally the following question showed up in my feed:
How would you describe heartbreak?
WARNING: This MyTake isn't going to be inspirational or advice.
I just need to vent for a moment, and let it out. I'll be describing heartbreak, how I experienced it. Don't feel sorry for me. I'll be good the next day. She wouldn't want me sulking. I hope you guys can forgive me that it isn't helpful. I need to do this.
So Heartbreak (A mix of emotions: Sadness, Resentment, Love)
It was a feeling of denial at first. Because it happened so sudden, without warning. You used to see her every day, and now suddenly your life is about to change.
My Sadness
I won't hear her voice anymore the next day, I won't be able to see her smile anymore. She's in the hospital, but you can't talk to her, you can't see her. The next day you hear she passed from her injuries.
Her family, who you got close with as you were her closest friend is in sorrow and you want to be there. They want to be there for me, but I needed to be alone. I went to a place where there was going to be industry built, but it was still empty. I screamed it out and sat there until nightfall. I never felt this before.
My Resentment
I felt broken, sad, angry. Angry because I couldn't be with her anymore, because I couldn't even say goodbye. It's selfish to say, but I hate you for leaving me. Living with you as only a memory hurts so so much, I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I was good until that song brought me back.
My Love
But I'm grateful that I met you. You showed me that there is good in the world. That there are good people.
You taught me what a good friend is supposed to look like, what a supportive friend is like, a loyal friend, what trust is.
How great it feels to be able to be yourself and not be judged. How great it felt for you to be yourself with me. That I got to see a side that you wouldn't show to others. How you came to me for help. Laughing together, crying together.
I hope you're okay. Know that I think about you often. Sorry if it's with tissues included, I know you'd hate to see me cry for you. But know that I am okay. I've made some really good friends, and I am sure you would have liked them as well.
You've changed me forever. You were a huge part of my life and thanks to you I am who I am today.
I promise you. I will keep moving forward with my head up high. And if we ever meet again, I will gladly tell you all about it.
Love you,
Yannishka
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