Why do men only want friends with benefits but not a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I’m single my whole life because no guy wants be my boyfriend.

everyone only wants friends with benefits , sex that’s it.
I’m blocked if I say I want a boyfriend , I don’t get guys asking me for dates, I’ve met 200 men on dating apps,

in person it’s worse men are all taken with baby & girl & im alone.

The one guy I met that wanted a girlfriend lived in Ireland and another was also far in a wheelchair. That’s it.

all men deny be my boyfriend, I get no no no no no, all men I meet only want friends with benefits. It’s never ending.

I never meet a guy that wants a girlfriend & that wants same things as me.

Updates

14 d

Thank you for all the help you guys!

[Finchie40]

Sadly it’s because how society is today , most females’ have a bad reputation, just like most guys’ have a bad reputation , We can thank Social media for playing a big part on damaging the foundations of relationships, Me personally is a relationship kind of guy , I would love to find a girl that values and appreciates me the same way I value and appreciate her , but sadly so many girls’ and guys’ today have selfish mindsets , mainly from the stuff they see and read and hear about from Social media or other people. Trust between people has sadly faded to a certain extent, pretty much everyone is a cheater and everyone wants things to go only their way and barely anyone can admit when they are wrong. FWB’s is actually The best road to go with someone these days , mainly because of all the horror stories we hear about with relationships and partners cheating on each other , FWB’s works if you are on the same page with each other. It gives you both time to really get to know each other and gives you both time to decide on whether you are both in it for the long haul or short haul , sadly Most people change their minds about someone, after the infatuation period runs it’s course , FWB’s eliminates that because you both are on the same page and no one is really Getting their heart broken , if it doesn’t work out , you at least can stay friends with each other , if things don’t work out with you both , instead of hating each other you remain friends or acquaintances The only way I will be FWB’s with a girl, is if her and I are on the same page with things , we both agree to only have sex with each other , but we are both ok to date other people , if we decide to date other people and we end up having sex with someone else? We both agree to end the benefits part between us and just remain friends The key is to not sleep with anyone else , the key is to get To know each other more , before deciding to commit to each other , instead of just committing to someone you really don’t truly know. Most people say what they think you want to hear when you meet someone new and exciting , we hope that person is being honest with us , but we really don’t know if they are until we really get to know them , Why FWB’s is the best way to go these days , it gives you both breathing room to decide what you really want instead of rushing into something that you aren’t really sure of.

[MrOracle]

First off, stay off "dating apps", because almost no one there is going to be local to you, and because almost everyone uses dating apps for casual sex instead of dating, so that is the widespread reputation, and you can't change that.

No matter how tough it is, you will need to focus on local men and meeting them in person.

Next, you need to be focusing on their morals, values, and life goals above all else. Be upfront about what you are looking for in those areas.

Finally, you will need to be able to sell yourself as a relationship partner - just being a female and showing up isn't going to get you a relationship. That might work for supermodels, but not for the vast majority of people.

You need to be able to tell him what you bring to the relationship. You inevitably will expect a lot from him, but you have to deliver similar value in his eyes or he won't be interested.

Men value youth, purity, loyalty, femininity, friendliness, and peace. Tell him all the ways you will provide those things. Men generally do NOT value (when it comes to picking a relationship partner) your education, your degree, your career, your income, or your status. They aren't necessarily against those things, but they aren't things men value in a relationship partner, unlike how most women value those things in men. Lots of women don't understand this, and they talk up their degree or career to a guy and he gets turned right off. You have advantages in several things that men DO value, so focus on those.

Do not allow yourself to run solely on emotions - emotions only care about right this minute, and are happy to destroy you tomorrow to be happy today. Thus, you must use your logic and reason to keep your emotions in check and not let them take over.

You may need to compromise some on the guy's looks or status too. Focus on morals, values, and life goals over everything else, and be able to talk about what you bring to the relationship. Do those things, and your success rate will climb. Not saying it will be fast or easy, but your outcomes will improve noticeably.

[Asker]

It will be difficult comit to a guy that’s ugly that I don’t want kiss or sex with. How can anyone be happy like this? In order to have babies u need sex.

[Asker]

But I also DONT look for hot guys I avoid them like the plague

[MrOracle]

I'm talking about average guys, not hideous trolls. Maybe he's not as tall as you like or has 20 extra pounds. Maybe he only makes $40k a year right now. Whatever.

Obviously hot guys aren't looking to commit to anyone, so you are right to avoid them.

[Asker]

I don’t look for rich guys either , I like super skinny nerdy guys. I don’t like fat thick guys

[Asker]

I don’t like buff guys either but super super skinny guys I like. Idc if they r poor

[MrOracle]

What I am saying is that you might not find exactly the guy you want in your preferred body shape. It doesn't mean that you have to be with some troll, but you can't afford to be too overly picky about body type. Leave some leeway in that regard.

[Asker]

I’m not picky. But if that’s the case I’ll need marry a guy I don’t like? Force mysled have add with aguy I don’t like? I won’t have. Butterflies I won’t be happy. I’ll basically need be with a guy that likes me that I don’t like back

[MrOracle]

"Butterflies" mean intense physical attraction - but that's infatuation/lust, not love, and that never lasts, no matter how strong you feel it at first. The guys you feel most infatuated with are rarely the guys who would make good husbands, or even boyfriends.

Again, I'm NOT saying that you have to date a monster - I'm saying you might not be able to get a guy who fits your physical ideal. If you are holding out for butterflies, then you are following your feelings without logic or reason and you are sabotaging yourself. I'm sorry, but that's just the reality. I know that's not the dream you are sold, but blame the dream-sellers, because that's almost no one's reality. Fairy tales are for Disney, not for real life.

And just so you know, if guys feel like you are looking for the fairy tale, they will lose interest, because no guy can live up to that fantasy, and they don't want their lives destroyed when you figure out that they can't years later.

I honestly want you to be successful, which is why I've taken the time to write all of this stuff, but my guess (admittedly without really knowing you) is that the reason you've never had a boyfriend after all these years is that you are too picky about the wrong things - the surface, shallow things, and NOT the important things. And, hey, it's your life and your choice, but you can see the outcomes you have gotten. I'm just trying to get you to consider a different way of thinking - one that has a much better chance of a good outcome. I can't make you follow my advice, I can only give it to you to think about.

[Asker]

Your stupid no guy is dreaming of a fucking fairytale! I said I don’t care if a guy is poor , I DONT like hot model guys, but how the fuck can I have sex with someone thats ugly that I don’t like? I will be fucking miserable and dry. LOL never want sex with him I’ll be avoiding sex with my husband unhappy

[Asker]

How I’m picky if NO guy has ever asked to be my boyfriend? I’m not picky. Even an ugly guy i met once denied be my boyfriend as he only wanted sex. But I was open to be his girlfriend even if he was ugly

[Biancam13]

Do men compromise on looks as well though? Because if women should do that, then men should do it too.

[Biancam13]

in my opinion hot guys do commit, but only to hot girls.

[MrOracle]

Yes, guys must also be prepared to compromise on looks in favor of morals, values, and life goals. Those are the things that, if in alignment, allow a relationship to last long term. That makes them the most important things, and other things often must be adjusted to get them.

It's what people who are serious about a relationship have always had to do, and will always have to do. Conversely, it's why people who choose their partners based on looks or "butterflies" are almost never able to sustain their relationships. The evidence for this is abundant.

[Astrocake]

beautiful advice

[Anonymous]

It really upsets me when a good woman with good qualities says she's unable to find a guy for her. So perhaps she's looking for a good guy in the wrong place?

Dating apps are just for hookups and friends with benefits. You cannot expect to find a good guy from a dating app just the way you won't find a good guy in a nightclub.

In this day and age where women can give their bodies for free for men to use, it's extremely difficult for a woman with qualities to find a good guy.

I hope you stand your ground and don't let a guy use you for free at least before getting a ring on it or getting married. This has to be done. I tell this to the females who are dear and near to me.

It's the tik tok culture now, unattractive women who has low self esteem wants attention, and these women exchange it with sex. But they don't realise a man will never choose such a woman to be his girlfriend or wife.

So first off, you need to log out of dating sites. And then consider getting involved in activities or hobbies you enjoy where you're likely to meet like-minded individuals. Attend social events, join clubs, or volunteer for causes you're passionate about, it can be anything , if you like animals, get yourself involved in it (not because you want to find a guy from there but because you actually want to volunteer). Last but not the least, are you religious? Perhaps visit the church or your religious place, maybe you'll meet your someone special there.

I wish you the best, and if you end up finding the one, you can tell me here... fingers crosses.

[bobalife]

Not sure why people are blaming you or women… because it’s definitely just about selection, the individual, and intentions. Not you specifically in your situation. A man or woman can be set for life and have a good values, but if they just wanna play and nothing serious - obviously it’s on them. There’s a good number of people like that lol. Some people just want easy sex with the hook up cultural, commitment problems or not ready, emotionally immature/unavailable, selfish, only enjoys the chase of a number of women and not loyalty for one person, etc.


and if someone ain’t ready, they ain’t ready. That’s their timing and problems to work on.


My advise is to just keep being you and stay intentional on what you’re looking for. Someone who is looking for the same will hopefully and eventually find you :) I know it does sucks when you want something serious and it feels like the vast majority is on another planet, but just keep doing you and I’m sure everything will happen on its own. It’s a headache, but stay patient and authentic :)

[OlderAndWiser]

Most girls find real boyfriends and not just fuck buddies. If EVERY guy treats you the same way, it is a response to something that you are doing.

[Asker]

I’m
Nice n loving , like I said the only guys I found that want a girlfriend is one in Ireland , another one far away , and one in a wheelchair that’s it

[OlderAndWiser]

Then you need help with how you are looking for a boyfriend.

[Asker]

Yes I need help

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you have female friends or relatives around your age who are more successful with guys?

[Meropatrick]

Maybe not something she is doing. Maybe something she is. Maybe she isn't their type, or not young enough or introverted. People can mistreat other sometimes just bcs of their looks

[Asker]

@Meropatrick I am introverted but the new guys i like are introverted like me. The bad guys are easy to get and the 2 guys I like are hard to get rn.

All the fuckboys live in my city , or live 5 min away from me like my ex that I dated that used me for sex,

The one guy I met that wanted a girlfriend lived in Ireland 15 hrs away.

Then my crush at job , he was a good guy & treated me good but we got seperated after 3 days and since we both r shy and no dating experience , we didn’t give numbers fast. And now we r fired since Feb. it was blissful 3 days with crush.

Then I met a lookalike that lives in another state. We were together 2-3 days only too. Again it was blissful 2-3 days with him. He treated me good too. But then after that we got seperated he had go back home.

[Asker]

But we did exhange numbers so I have contact with that guy that lives in another state. We will return to my state July or August. But I don't know if he’ll be my boyfriend.

The crush , might return back to the job again June July I hope. Like myslef , as it takes 3-5 months to be rehired.

[Asker]

So yea ☹️ I don't know y god is making the good guys hard for me to have.

[Meropatrick]

Anthing good in life is not easy to get. If so all girls would be happily married. My advice is try to find a guy outside ur city if u say all fuckboys are there. Expand ur search

[Asker]

@Meropatrick I met a guy from
Another state from a dating app, I don't know yet if he’ll be my boyfriend or not yet.

[Pinay_ako]

Men know who they want to be with and know who they want to play with or use to get what they want for the meantime. If he wants to take you seriously, he would. If he wants to just use your body for his entertainment, he would. If he wants to wine, dine and date you and meet his mom, he would. So when you finally meet that man, he will do what he wants to do to show you where you stand in his life. Only then it’s up to you if you want to stick around or find someone else who would.

[Asker]

I’ve never met a guy that wine, dine and wants ne meet his mom. It’s my dream meet a guy that wants that and he himself says he wants me to meet his mom. 😔

I’ll be 27 how much longer I need wait to get a guy like that? I want my babies before 30, I don’t want live with my mom til age 30, I’m ready begin my life now with a guy settle down. Or have a real first boyfriend finally at age 27. I been waiting since I was 13 to have a real boyfriend finally

[Pinay_ako]

Don’t push yourself too hard to find that man. That’s why you’re meeting the wrong ones. 27 isn’t old. Just relax, work on yourself and focus on how to make better decisions. Before you know it, he’s right in front of you. All the best!

[Asker]

It’s not that I’m old, I want my first boyfriend before the age of 30. I also do not want continue living with my mom until I’m 30. It’s too long time to be single since she 13-30? I want a first boyfriend. It doesn’t need be long term

[Asker]

My dream is hav my baby before age 30 too

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Don’t accept friends with benefits if you want more.

[Asker]

I never accept.

[Avicenna]

There are plenty of guys who want a girlfriend. Stay off the dating apps.

[godfatherfan]

Well that is a load of bullshit. If you go through that many men, and still cannot find a boyfriend, you need to take a serious look at yourself. I am a big proponent of therapy. Most people need it. They can help you figure out why you are pushing people away. Maybe you have unrealistic requirements. Maybe you are not being honest.

I once dated a woman that went on an on at our first date how "marriage is forever", then said she was divorced. We went on 4 dates. On 3 of those dates, she added another ex-husband. We are laying in bed, naked, and she just throws out "oh, and I was married a 4th time to..." Now, if she is completely up front with me, I don't know how I would have taken it. But by hiding things the way she did, all I thought was "if she is hiding this, which isn't all that important, what else is she hiding?"

I am not saying that is your exact issue. I am saying that women have this tendency not to be themselves. Or they find a guy and think "I will just change him to be the man I want him to be". That is not ever going to work.

You seriously need to look at yourself and change the way you are going about this. I am older, so I don't know anyone that is in, or even wants, a Friends with benefits situation. I tried it once for about 2 weeks. I couldn't do it. I wanted a relationship, not just sex.

[Nik1hil]

Because when at 16-20 we wanted a Girlfriend, No Girl was interested in long term proper relationship, they all wanted a Rich successful boy.

Problem is Girls are born with beauty and Youth, Boys need to make money...

A girls hits her peak at 18-21..

A boy Usually Hits his financial strength +30 , often 40 in usual case.. Girls aren't willing to be with an unsuccessful man at 16 and Walk with him till 40 , when he is successful.

16 -18 is the point of Entry, If a girl Does find the Right Guy at that Time, She is never finding one...

Because after 23 Boys become men and Being single for +5yrs, They Learn How to be Single, They don't Need a Girlfriend, not Anymore..

If Girls were not so dumb, They would understand that Pick a MAN, before he learns to be Single!.. but No, Girls and society all care about man's success

There is this couple on Instagram and Tiktok "CashandKatie" These Cuties Married at Age of 18-19.. FANTASTIC. Cash is a Bit Dumb, but he is learning and growing with Katie, and Katie Chose Cash Irrespective of his success. So, Cash will Hold Katie irrespective of her Beauty, It will Last!..

[Asker]

I never was able get a boyfriend at 15-21. The boys I like all rejected me and I had this horribel bad luck in those years no guy showed interest in me or liked me
Back until I was 25/26 now. I never had a first boyfriend.

My brother got his first girlfriend at 18 and they both went to school togsther and stayed together forever until age 30 married.

Another girl I know never had a serious boyfriend until she was 27 found a random guy at church and they got married fast in few months. Think she only had one boyfriend wen she was 18.

Wen I was 17-18 met a bad guy that wasted my time and don’t want meet family or live with me no baby nothing

[TheorionMage]

Well... ASSUMING contraception AND NO STD's...
hereafter you're BOTH here after the same immediate sensory gratifications.
'All bonding emotional debts are 'paid' once that occasion's concluded for THAT time.

In return for receipt / 'deposit' of species DNA, you EACH (ideally) experience neurological pleasure hormones as an addicting inducement to further repeat the interaction.

THESE limitations are at the root 'core' of 'why' pedophilia is SO heavily prohibited... kids WILLFULLY engage in 'feels GOOD!' ... eschewing long-term consequences.

Peruvian Melina Medina heedlessly conceived at 4yrs 5 months old in 1958 and would not disclose WHO provided her the needless internal uterine ejaculate when anal, oral and manual tactile experiences would have provided equivalent physiological sensory 'reward' hormones. (Conservative Moral-ist's dirty little secret: Un-censured kids will.. and do... TOUCH themselves~ SOME adults NEVER mature beyond that! )

[PeachyPie93]

With that many men the only thing I can think is you are going after guys out of your league. It also could be you are not listening to them, like if a guy says he doesn't know what he wants or he would like to just see how things go, you should cut them off right away because they aren't serious. Do not entertain these guys because they are a waste of time and won't change their mind once they get to know you. Also big thing! Do not fuck a guy who will not commit. If they can get it from you while being single and able to do what they want, what is the inclination to make you a girlfriend?

[Asker]

I can’t seem
To make any guy comitt to me it seems even if I force them comit to me first and no sex , they all run

[PeachyPie93]

Well are they hotter than you? Or are you just choosing guys not actually looking for a relationship?

[Asker]

No I don’t look for hot guys. I like nerdy skinny average guys. I avoid party guys guys with tatoos , I avoid the ones that smell and look like fuckboys. I’ve only met older guys age 40-50 like my dad wanting a relationship

[PeachyPie93]

Don't know then. I notice online, almost no one will date so try meeting new people out and about with friends, other then that I don't know what is going wrong.

[Asker]

The 3 guys I met that wanted a girlfriend r men that i have no attraction for. How I’ll have babies with a guy I don’t want sex with? I don’t even want kiss them. One of them lived in Ireland and he was the only guy that treated me as a real girlfriend.

[Asker]

I met many boys at my job that like me, but I got fired but hope I can return back June or July. One guy that liked me back at job we spent 3 days together , but we made mistake not exhange numbers fast as we both r shy, I thought in my head u need gvie a guy ur number in 4wks. So I messed up then we lost contact and we got fired. So after those 3 blissful days my life got ruined.

[Asker]

& now I cannot meet another guy with the same connection I had with him. This was decmeber, now jan to may I cannot make another guy my boyfriend. I cannot find another guy I love.

[Asker]

I’m wishing that guy also returns back to the job June July like me.

[PeachyPie93]

Its only been 4 months. You need to get out more and find someone else. If you are only looking online that will not help you at all. That might have worked a few years back but not these days. You have to really hangout and meet new guys and people to find someone.

[Asker]

What if I return to work June n I reunite with that guy? My life all day will be work like before.

I do go out , I’m around guys. But I don’t get approached, just stared at that’s it. One guy helped me once move my car as I got stranded in the road but he’s not my boyfriend.

[Asker]

I can’t find someone else. I try daily and no guy is dating me wanting be my boyfriend.

[Asker]

I met one guy in person 2 months ago. But he lives in another state. He travels to my city every few months always tho. But still like always he’ll deny be my girlfriend , say he don’t want a girlfriend, and then we’ll part ways as I’m looking for a boyfriend.

[Asker]

He don’t text me daily tho. He texts once every 2 wks. Suppsivly he’s so busy all day at job that he only has time to sleep.

[Asker]

The only guy that texted me daily was a guy using me for sex.

[Asker]

Which makes no sense as people say a guy that loves u will text u daily and only that fuckboy texted me all day daily.

[godfatherfan]

If you are only looking at 40-50 yr olds, and you are 25, no wonder. Guess you forgot to add that little nugget. No guy in his 40 or 50's or up is looking at a 25 yr old as a girlfriend. There is nothing in common. The only thing guys that old want from a 25 yr old is sex. WTF are you even thinking? seriously. If you are 25, you should only go up to 32 at most. Maybe 35, but that is a stretch. Best to stay in your own age range. 21 to 32 would be the range.

[Asker]

@godfatherfan no I meant on dating apps i also get men that age wanting meet my family. It’s weird

[PeachyPie93]

I don't know it was only a three day thing and you didn't exchange numbers. What if he doesn't go back in July? Then he is gone forever.
You need to go out more make friends with guys, things take time. If you rush things or seem desperate and bring up dating right away it would be off putting. Just try and be friends with guys, nothing romantic or sexual, just friends. If you make connections and have fun with them something could grow or they can introduce you to other guys who you might click with.

[Asker]

I can't be friends and hang out with guys as they’ll want sex. There’s no such thing as having a guy “friend”.

[Asker]

Guys are unable he firends with me as they’ll ask me for sex , then be upset as I reject them as they have feelings for me.

I had one guy friend before and I tried hang out as friends and it didn’t work he thought it was a date

[Asker]

I have one guy I know that lvies in another state. He’s only guy I’m talking to rn

[PeachyPie93]

You can have guy friends but go out with them in a group setting with other girls and guys, not alone. You need to mix with guys and girls to build bonds with people. Also you do realize you are rejecting guys who do want to date you and are chasing guys who don't lol.

[Asker]

No I don’t have any guy friends. U mis read my text. I was referring to a. Guy friend I had 10 years ago. He was super super ugly. I made mistake go out with him alone. He gossiped to everyone at the job that I was his girlfriend and made up a lie. I no longer am friends with that guy.

[Asker]

So no I’m not avoiding men that want date me. I have no guy friends. The only guy friend I had was my ex. The guy I dated that used me for sex and is fuckboy. The guy I liked at my job that I spent time with 3 days, we were starting off as friends but more…. Now I have new guy I met and he lives in other state. But I don't know if he’ll be my boyfriend or deny. I don't know yet.

[Asker]

But no I’m introverted I never hung out with a huge group of girls and guys.

[PeachyPie93]

Okay but what I am saying is you need to make friends!! How are you supposed to find a boyfriend when you don't hangout with girls and guys to make friends? If a guy has no bond to you he will never see you as anything more than a "woman to fuck". Easiest way to get to know a guy is to be an actual friend first, and not just meeting a random dude from an app because they ARE just looking for sex. You need to be social! I don't know any other way you are gonna change things if you keep doing the same things and making excuses.

[Asker]

U don’t understand what im saying. I’m friends with all the guys that I like and that like me. We obviously start off as friends first.

[Asker]

The rabdom dude from the dating app is my friend, we r getting closer with time. We have strong connection and a lot in common.

[Asker]

The guy I dated we started off as friends 7 years and he still was fuckboy bad guy.

[Asker]

In firends with all guys I like.

[PeachyPie93]

No idea how to help you then. Something is clearly wrong though I am not sure what, because none of my guy friends would hurt me. Mine have protected me when I was vulnerable drunk, from bullies and even rejected sharing a bed with me because they didn't like me like that. They would never use me for sex except for maybe 2 of them, but I know how they are and they know not to make a move on me lol.

[Asker]

Wel maybe your guy friends don’t like you sexually or have no romantic feelings toward you.

But yea that guy I dated that used me for sex he treated me bad but he was my best friend he texted me daily all day. But he never loved me. I guess he texted me all day just to use me for sex & brainwash my mind.

He has another girl best friend that he treats good and supports and loves her. But to me I’m nice to him and he treats me like shit.

He’s very very immature , fuckboy , man child. 32 acts like he’s 20.

[PeachyPie93]

Well technically your friends are not supposed to have sexual feelings for you. But I know one did like me but I rejected him and he was still good to me. Plus 2 of my friends ARE fuckboys and have brought up sex to me but it ended with me saying no, plus the one always gives me free weed because we have an actual friendship lol.

No offence but I have to assume it is you. I feel like you HAVE to be putting out something for guys to keep treating you like you are only good for sex. Or YOU are not setting proper BOUNDARIES with them.

"He supports and loves his other best friend" but he used you as a sex buddy, again points to YOU since you let him use you and treat you that way.

[Asker]

Yea we’ll with the new guy that I met in person from the dating app , I will give him boundaries and if he denies to be my boyfriend I will let him go.

But I haven’t met more guys in real life in perosn so I have no clue if guys in real life will be the same only want sex.

[PeachyPie93]

Well that is good, boundaries is what protects you from guys who re just playing around.

I would assume meeting guys in person would be better because people are less likely to mention sexual stuff in person, unless they really know you. So I think it would help things grow more naturally.

[Asker]

Yea I’m just scared I’ll neevr meet a guy that wants to be my first boyfriend

[b_lova]

Sounds like you are looking for men in all the wrong places or the type of men you are attracted to don't want to settle down. My suggestion is that you expand your idea of what you are looking for in a boyfriend. Maybe go for a shy guy or consider dating a friend you never thought about in that way but flirts with you.

The things is that there are lots of guys seeking/desiring relationships but maybe outside your ideal idea of a boyfriend. My suggestion is to expand your standards. Notice I didn't say lower them.

[Asker]

It’s dificul comit to a guy I’m not attracted to. I met one guy that lives far that wants a girlfriend , but I have no attraction towards him. I can’t havea. Baby with a guy I have no sexual desire for nor even want to kiss 😔

[Biancam13]

Great answer

[ZackBan]

Men, just like women, can smell desperation.

When a single guy walks into a date and the girl in front of him is so desperate for a partner that she's eager for them to be a couple even though they barely met, that tends to repulse men (and women by the way)

So while wanting a boyfriend is a good way to view relationships you shouldn't just assume that you'll meet a guy who wants a girlfriend and who will make you as such right then and there.

Instead, go into dates with no expectations. Let the guy know you don't sleep around but would be open to getting to know him and build up the anticipation to the point where, if you 2 match, he'll wanna be with you.
Basically make yourself lovable if you wanna be loved. Don't just ask for it.

Note however, that this approach will not work on all guys and those who are just fuck boys will not change for you, better to skip them and keep looking.

[Asker]

I’ve never been on a date with a new guy , how do I let them know I don’t sleep around? If I say I’m looking for a relationship and don’t do friends with benefits , I still don’t get someone to agree with me & wana be with me

[Asker]

The one guy I met that wants a girlfriend lives super far away from me & im not attracted to him at all. I don’t want to kiss him or have babies with him. ☹️ and he’s 20 and I’m 26

[ZackBan]

Well, saying no if he invites you to go over to his place is a good way to let him know you're not into hookups. And if asked you can tell the truth.

How do you find your men? Through dating apps or friends or work...

[Asker]

Like I said I deny all men that want sex hookup friends with benefits. That still doesn’t get me a boyfriend. I only my one guy on the dating app but wants a girlfriend but he lives far and it’s a guy I’m not attracted to, I don’t want kiss him I don’t want sex or babies with him, 😞 how I will marry a guy I’m not attracted to at all?

[Asker]

At my job I did meet a lot of guys that liked me. But the one guy I liked liked me back and we were together 3 days, but we both didn’t think to give numbers fast so after those 3 days we got seperated and now we r fired.

I hope I can return back to the job June July as that was the only place men valued me and respected me, I got a lot of attention of guys at my job, 😔

[Asker]

Then I had aliked another guy at my job but the first 2 days he tried pursue me, I got fired right away.

[ZackBan]

You won't. He's not the last guy on earth. He lives away. You don't like him. What's the problem?

Move on to more people. There will be others. He's not the last boyfriend material to ever exist

[ZackBan]

What job is this? What do you work?

[Asker]

I worry cuz the few men that want a girlfriend r men I’m not attracted to, I need force mylsef have sex with a guy that wants a girlfriend to have a boyfriend? This has happened 3x to me already.

[Asker]

I will need marry a guy that I don’t like? And he with him as he wants be my boyfriend? Cuz men will say I’m picky and don’t want the guys that want a girlfriend. So I need force myslef comit to that guy that I don’t want sex with?

[Asker]

It’s a job with many young adults. Many there get a boyfriend girlfriend.

[ZackBan]

Your logic is very wrong.
First: you are young. You have time
Second: you shouldn't marry a man you don't like
Third: you need to be realistic. If the men you like all look like Brad Pitt and George Clooney then yes they probably will not want to marry you on the spot.

Stop sweating it and live life and enjoy it.

Before you know there will be someone who likes you and you like him
(But he won't appear out of thin air. You need to keep meeting new people and going on dates)

[Asker]

I don’t go after hot guys. I go after nerdy skinny average guys.
I avoid men with tatoos or that look like fuckboys or too good looking. As all those only want sex.

[Asker]

I’m scared as the 3 men I met that do want a girlfriend, it’s men I’m not attracted to, so people on gag will say I’m picky. Avoiding all the good guys. So I need comit to the guy that likes me and I just hav no desire for sex with him?

[Asker]

I don’t want be 30 and never had a first boyfriend, I wasted my 20s being alone when I cud of had many bfs in my 20s living life. But instead my life got waisted being alone sad. I’m not a party girl.

[Asker]

Then men will think I’m weird how I’m 30 and never had a boyfriend

[ZackBan]

You do realize that "many boyfriends in your 20's" basically means you want sex and no serious relationships that's the definition.

A serious relationship would be "1 boyfriend for a very long time, with goals of being forever"

[Asker]

Yes we’ll most girls have a serious boyfriend in her 20s, at least 2-3 serious relationships but I have 0. I’ll look stupid wen I’m 30-40 and never had a single boyfriend

My 20s got wasted being alone as no guy wanted be my boyfriend.

[ZackBan]

If you look at yourself objectively. Without blaming it on guys.
Why do you think that is?
Is it looks? Social skills? Hobbies? Why are you living this life?

[Asker]

All friends family have a partner. They r living life with a partner. I deserve be alone sad forever

[ZackBan]

No one deserves that.

Forget friends.

Why are YOU alone?

[Asker]

Cuz no guy likes me

[ZackBan]

I understand. My question is why
Why does no guy like you? What are you missing?

[Asker]

I don't know I make men laugh , I’m loving nice supportive honest loyal comitted , I cook clean n that’s not good enough for men

[Asker]

I’m a family girl

[Asker]

I’m introverted but I pursue guys and I still cannot get a boyfriend. No one loves me

[EmyyWolf]

I think most guys lowkey want a girlfriend, the ones who only want sex are the ones who missed out on their teens and 20’s, so now they try to become Alpha/Chad when they can’t at all.

You need to be born with Chad Genes to be that. Otherwise you can’t.

Other regular men just want the sex part because like a narcissist, they feel entitled to that.

LIKE… THATS NOT FOR YOU SWEETIE 🫵.

Severe porn consumption also makes many men delusional and entitled. This is why I stay far tf away from most of them.

You can meet quality men in the Military, Police, EMS, Firefighters. Places were men are required to be in top shape 24/7 and required to be there at all times. Leaving them almost no time for porn consumption. This is a little something I learned the moment I turned 22. Just saying. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

All the men I have talked to are age 20-38 and all are only looking for sex not a single guy wants be my boyfriend

[EmyyWolf]

38? WTF. D don’t even work at 38!! 😂 that’s hilarious

[EmyyWolf]

How about you don’t ask men to become boyfriend off the bat. You need to be build a friendship and constantly see them.
Not dating apps or speed dating or anything like that meet them out and about at work and shit.

If you’re ugly. Not sure how to help you there. Surgery 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

That don’t work they all want sex and don’t want date me without sex. They all get blocked. On dating apps men don’t want dates , they want meet but hookup after. 🙄 I never met a guy that took me out on few dates no sex.

[Asker]

I only met men just by talking at my job no sex. But I’m fired but hope I return to the job soon to continue meeting boys.

[EmyyWolf]

Yes meet guys at work and in person. Dating App is superficial because you have to use photos. Terrible. I only used dating app when I was 21 and stupid. Never Again. Super-Creeps use that Sh—T 💩

[TonyV]

Beggers can't be chosers.
You can't complain no one wants you then be shallow and turn down a guy in a wheelchair.

You aren't being completely honest with us, you're keeping some detail about yourself secrete. There are far far far to many desperate lonely men out there for you to not be able to get a boyfriend. I don't know if you're like 300pounds or if you have real high standards and don't give normal guys a chance... whatever it is, you'll tell us when you want some real advice, cause there is definitely more that you aren't saying.

[Asker]

My parents wouldn’t approve marry a guy In a wheelchair. I’ve been sick myslef for some time and I need someone take care of me not the other way around.

I met a guy in Ireland last year that wanted a girlfriend but he’s 15 hours away. My parents also didn’t approve of me to move to that far far away city. He was super far it didn’t work out just texting.

[Sevenpointfive]

what's the last long term commitment you've had? this lifelong commitment?

i have no problem with a girlfriend, but it seems to grow further. i think it's the push from the other partner that tears you away from him. some people aren't married ever or after 7 years. i've never understood a woman's rush to marriage, or children or a house. some people say they are afraid.

i'll leave you with this thought jerry springer style. there's no shortage of women that feel the same way as you do across the globe. and there's no shortage of women willing to be a "friend".

so do you want coffee or tea? because i can have both

[Asker]

I just want a boyfriend no one is saying I want a husband. All I want is a first boyfriend, short term seeious boyfriend.

[Sevenpointfive]

how serious is your short term boyfriend?

[HighValue]

Not true. There are plenty of decent men that want an exclusive long term relationship, but the woman also needs to be good quality with good morals, an acceptable past, at least decently attractive (don't be fat, have lots of tattoos, or short unnaturally colored hair), don't post provocative/revealing stuff on social media, and have compatible long term life goals.

Women don't have to do as much to get a good quality mate, but the majority of them are such low quality that most good men want nothing to do with them.

[Asker]

I don’t post sexual pics , I don’t have short hair , I’m not fat. I’m nice and loving and no guy want be my boyfriend

[DishLady]

If a guy sees a girl as ONLY a potential friends with benefits (for whatever reason), then that’s what she’ll be to him. It would take rather a lot to shift from that perspective with the guy.


By contrast, “GF/wife” material stirs something deeper in the guy’s heart and soul, she can reach him on a more meaningful level than just the physical.


friends with benefits ends up getting stuck more in the physical, but with some companionship to make it feel like you’re not just reducing each other to sexual encounters. I’ve seen folks be friends with benefits for years then suddenly one of them finds the “GF/boyfriend material” person and the other gets crushed….

[BoopBoopBeep]

I think a lot of men want girlfriends, but a lot of men don't find potential partners who bring enough to the table to warrant that. If you're looking for someone to take care of you so you can stay home and watch TV all day, that's not going to cut it. If you are only meeting men online (which it sounds like that's at least a predominant trend now a days) then certainly that's not going to be a girlfriend if you're more than an hour's drive. I'm not going to have a girlfriend half a world away and give up a half dozen friends with benefits right here.

[Mr_twoface]

If I went on a spree asking ladies to become my girlfriend, majority would think I am a creep. Same goes with the men. To find someone who becomes your boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to go on dates and genuinely show interest in that person. You both need to be interested into each other and once that chemistry is established, you move onto the next level which is a relationship. Either an exclusive one or a non-exclusive one which often means friend with benefit approach.

We don’t know how you go about talking to men in general and how you play the dating game, but it seems so far, you’ve been unlucky. If you scream boyfriend early on, most will say, lets do friend with benefit.

[Anonymous]

It’s because of the following:

• the “hook up” culture has made it easier to find sex but not find love. This is partially due to male sex drive. But also social media and dating apps have enabled this. Also modern feminism has also encourage women to be promiscuous as “sex positive”.
• Many guys really do want to have a meaningful relationship. But unfortunately they find women getting bored with them and they get ultimately get friendzoned. They are more worried about putting in the time, patience and effort since women don’t respect chivalry like they once did (also the fault of modern feminism)

[superchan2011]

Well to be honest I would want a girlfriend again. But I think for some maybe they've been through breakups after having a long term relationship and so they are afraid to invest so much of themselves into another long term relationship, but yet still want the imitation of a relationship without having to get in real deep. So friends with benefits are perfect for that. No real commitment like in a romantic relationship, but can still chill with them and shoot the breeze and go out places, and can still have sex too. This is just my opinion though.

[Serkee]

I think dating apps are your main issue. On dating apps women tend to only match with the fuckboys who only want sex, and ignore everyone else. 90% of women on dating apps only go for the top 10% of men, so if you follow that trend, which you likely do unknowingly, that's why you're meeting so many guys who only want sex.

[Asker]

At my job I used to have I had a lot of men that liked me. That was the only place men respected me n wanted to get to know me more than just sex. But I got fired but I can return soon. Hopefully by June July

[Asker]

One guy I liked, we spent 3 days together , he liked me back too 😔 but we didn’t exhange numbers fast in those 3 days and then after 3 days we weren’t able see eachOther again as we had differnt work schedules & then we both got fired

[ApplePie409]

I know a woman who's been on a dating app for 20 years. She blames everyone but herself for her non-success. This is where you want to be.

You sign up for groups. There are tons of groups. Then you sign up for events your group is hosting. Then you get off your ass and actually leave your keyboard.