Guys why do some of you stop making effort when you’re in a relationship?

Question

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

The truth is... effort and reciprocation is important in a relationship at all times.

I always wonder why people will hit the gym and get fit after a breakup, then once they're in it, stop caring about their health and appearance thinking "My partner should love me for me." when part of the reason they started loving you in the first place was because you care about your health and appearance.

Romantic gestures take effort and energy as well. While realistically you can do these all the time due to work and other responsibilities, you should always try to make plans with your partner even if you're just taking a walk or staying in to watch a show. Even activities like cooking or cleaning together can be fun if you make it that way.

It's hard to consistently give your effort and energy to tasks though. People can get drained from how busy they are in life, but that's just it. It's the people that are most energetic in life that win. You just need to communicate with your partner about what's going on through their head and always try to work through the relationship rather than give up when things get boring.

Friendlybro79 · Accepted Answer

First off thank you for wording this correctly and saying why do some... I appreciate your ability at 16 to see what many adults can't. That is you've observed something and understand it's not something you can generalize for all guys.

To answer you question I will give my best opinion. I think it's because some people think effort is only for getting the girl and not also keeping her. Since you're young it's also because it's just that. Youth. As a young man we don't always know what we're doing. The same goes for the girls. That's why communicating directly and politely with each other is such a great way to grow together and learn from each other.

Most young men aren't given a handbook to know what to do in those early relationships. It's why we have the expression that we live and learn. Sometimes we learn the hard way and I think communication is the best way to avoid hard learning. As long as everyone feels like they're communicating in good faith and with good intentions, a lot of good things can happen.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

You get “comfortable” and used to routine. So communication goes to autopilot… then you have kids and hectic work-life situations so wardrobe hits autopilot… then one day you find you are not starting to get Mr+Mrs Potatohead-ish…. Healthy couples know how to keep their relationship spiced up and full of verve so they don’t fall into bad habits or ruts.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

Their inner pig comes out eventually. For some men it is always there, but they put on an act to make you think they have some class at least.

GoodManDave · Answer

She’s yours, and in a marriage, she’s kinda stuck with you… and you with her… and now you have no one to impress.

And, as everyone gets older, most people look worse. Men’s hair thins out and gets gray, women (and men) gain a lot of weight, etc. Taking the time for makeup or constant haircuts and going to the gym is a thing that tends to go away. Part of it is time, part of it is laziness, part of it is old age can change your metabolism.

Sometimes when you’re doing relationship stuff or “life stuff” you get a lot busier. Raising a kid, moving to a house, working at your job, doing all the things to make a life takes a lot of energy. So sometimes a short shower is a
luxury. So you tend to wear whatever is comfortable, or maybe older stuff, because you’re just running to Walmart to pick up some stuff. No one (of any importance) will see you! Hell, go in the bunny slippers!

For me, I’ve “given up” more in the last few years NOT having a relationship. I still dress up a bit for work - so I guess I don’t do as badly as some… but I just usually look like I wear the same thing (I get duplicate outfits), but… I have gotten lazier about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it’s called life. Especially when a lot of the burden is put on the man. When you’re dating it’s not like you see each other everyday, so there’s a difference there. I think too for a majority of men being romantic isn’t something that comes to us naturally. Maybe because we’re not raised to really be emotional. At the same time it doesn’t have that same affect on men as it does on women. So that may be a reason why we don’t do it as much. That’s like me saying well why don’t women like porn like I do? For women, porn usually don’t do much for them the way it does for men. I think too naturally women tend to work more in professions that involve people, men don’t. So you’re naturally inclined to take care of people. So in a relationship women say they do more for their men than the man does for them but that’s because it’s a natural instinct. I think men tend to do as much, but it’s not directly for you. Women will cook for their man, maybe put his clothes in the washer, keep the house clean. Feeding him as well as washing his clothes, well not technically washing his clothes the machine is doing it. But that is directly benefiting him. On the other hand, although she may not think of it this way, what he does for her doesn’t come directly to her. For example I work about 60-72 hours a week. I don’t come home then cook for her, or wash her clothes or really clean the house. But what I do is pay all the bills, I’ve built up the yard as far as more trees, flowers, mowing the lawn. I’ve also paid to have all the doors changed professionally. Because in my view as a man even though it’s “our” house, to me it’s her house. Building it up for her as far as making it look better whether I do it myself or pay someone to do it. This is what she’s asked of me as far as making the yard look better.

Lionman95 · Answer

Guys that stop make an effort when they are in a relationship have reached their goal. Many guys live by goals they want to achieve. So when a guy that has as a goal to be in a relationship gets into one he has reached his goal. That can lead to the point where he stops making an effort and he's not longer as affectionate, passionately as when he was during dating since he has achieved what he wanted.

PreferNot2Say · Answer

Because the hoops women make us jump through to initially get their attention is draining. By the time it reaches "committed relationship" status, we are emotionally drained. Women need to stop being so high maintenance. If men made women go through what we go through, there wouldn't be such a thing as relationships or marriages. Just one man's opinion 😁

Finchie40 · Answer

Probably because she stops making efforts as well , a relationship takes 2 people giving to each other , not just one sided , Most of you girls’ think you should be catered to at all times and think you deserve to be treated like a Princess at all times , when a guy feels like he is the only one giving in the relationship , he will slowly start to pull back because he doesn’t feel he is receiving the same from her in return.

Zbrody1997 · Answer

The same reason women do. If you dress up and make yourself presentable and show yourself to be a certain way but change, then why should we remain the same person? Now don’t get me wrong there are guys and women who are just willing to be good enough to get a person but most people who actually care about themselves tend to look for a partner who takes care of themselves. Men included.

patois · Answer

People are who they are. Either you accept them for that or you fuck off. Other humans are not going to spend their lives serving and worshiping you. You're not God. Get over yourself and and snap back to reality. There are things you will like about people you date, and other things you don't. You just have to get use to that. People are a mixed bag of good and bad. They aren't going to tip toe around you your entire life.

strateguy632 · Answer

probably the gal started acting like raymonds wife in series everybody loves raymond.

she doesn't say "lets do chores together" she complains , she needs to not do chores so he should do them. so he responds same. "you dont i won't either."

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Are you kidding me? Men put in 90% of the effort in relationships. Most women think just showing up is "effort".

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

I guess these guys have given 2000% effort before the relationship, which isn't sustainable and are now just back at giving 100% of their Effort.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Same question back to the ladies being honest. Majoritively speaking I don’t think guys get to this point all by themselves

RSav4013 · Answer

Usuay it's because either they've lost interest or the woman isn't putting in effort and they're matching the vibe.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

It's not a gender thing specific to men. People just get too comfortable and life gets busy with other things and that's that.

Tyler2 · Answer

Relationships are a mutual bond. Both are responsible to put effort in. Or else the one who only takes and doesn't give probably does not love the other anymore.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Everyone gets comfortable. Doesn't mean don't make an effort. And why is it always guy that has to make the effort. Relationships work both ways

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Effort for what? Can't you tolerate a guy who needs to relax a little bit in his life and feel comfortable? Or you always want him to work until his last breath like a dog!

jahaims · Answer

They stop feeling like the relationship is worth the effort but aren't introspective enough to realize it.

DarkLegacy · Answer

When the woman stops being grateful and when we can never get it right no matter what we do.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

It depends what you mean. I’ve pretty much given up on cards and flowers, but still invest a lot of time and resources in dates, and other presents.

handsomelad70 · Answer

Laziness and/or arrogance as some men think," I've got her, now I don't have to treat her the way I did when I was trying to be her boyfriend."

moneymagnet24 · Answer

Relationship is two way street.. If you're not putting efforts then why should I?

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

SOMETIMES IT JUST TAKES A BIT LONGER TO GET NAKED WITH ME AND I'M ADMITTING I HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT ON THE RIGHT WAY FOR ME TO GET YOU EXCITED ABOUT IT. I'M GOING TO BE BETTER P. S. YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY WHEN YOU ARE WELL.

OddBeMe · Answer

Why’s it matter? It’s emotional now. So shut up and get me another beer.

boggboss · Answer

Its somthing people do as a whole no 1 gender

VV3ZZY123 · Answer

Cuz they get lazy & dont appreciate what the have.

Anonymous · Answer

Signs they have moved on mentally or emotionally.

Anonymous · Answer

Because she's already yours

thisAppIsGarbage · Answer

Relationship? Sounds gay. No thanks

Guys why do some of you stop making effort when you’re in a relationship?

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Why do guys stop putting in effort after a while?

Guys why do some of you stop making effort when you’re in a relationship?

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Why do guys stop putting in effort after a while?

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