I have been having sex with this man on and off for 15 years. We are basically a booty call/friends with benefits type of situation. Always mutually beneficial up until recently. We had been off for a while but last year started to hook up again. We both have kids and families but decided to have the affair anyway. The first time after a long time was amazing for both of us - we both finished and enjoyed and we saw each other three times that month… we kept seeing each other about every other month with each time becoming just about him and zero attention on me. He’d finish and not touch me. The last time I saw him he promised the sun and the moon in terms of what he’d do to me. I did everything he asked kept telling him I want to finish but once again it was all about him. When I brought it up he excused himself out of the room and then called his landline with his cell phone not realizing it would show the number. He then said I had to leave as someone was coming. I found out after no one was coming and I confronted him about it. He kept lying until he realized he was caught. He said - I wanted you to leave - I asked why didn’t you just say that he said You wouldn’t be able to handle it and that he felt guilty because he saw his kids picture. While I understand post nut clarity and all that- what I don’t get is how this time and the last 5 times were also all about him and with those times I came to realize he was faking his way to leave after. What’s the real reason? (And yes I’ve tried asking him) why would he keep trying to see me but only make it about him? It can’t be guilt every time. Also all these times after that first meet up last year he’s lasted all of 2-10 seconds but expected 10-20 min bjs and nothing at all in return to me. It was never like this before in all the years and our meet up last year was nothing like this.
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It sounds like this guy may have just been using you for his own selfish needs and pleasure without any real care or concern for your feelings. A few possible reasons why:
- He lost interest in an actual relationship/connection and just wanted sex without effort. It was easier to take than give.
- He felt ashamed/guilty about cheating so wanted quick encounters where he finished fast and could leave, whether someone was "coming" or not.
- He has issues with intimacy and connecting with a partner emotionally/physically beyond his own release.
- You meant more to him years ago when it was new, but became convenient over time with less effort on his part.
- Agreeing to meet occasionally fed his ego to know he still "had it" but he didn't care to reciprocate for you.
It's not fair that he promised more and didn't deliver, just making it all about getting himself off. You deserve a partner who cares about your pleasure and happiness too. I'd cut contact with this user and find someone who will treat you with care, respect and reciprocation. You can do better, sis!
I appreciate this honest and thoughtful answer
You’re very welcome thank you