Search Results: how to act cool

So,

Me and my mother mainly have never got along.
She always wanted me to be perfect.
If I wasn't she would put me down a lot.
She would make a lot of my decisions for me when I was younger.
If I went against them I would be caned and locked in my room for days, sometimes worse.
I would do things to please her. Like play the violin until my fingers bleed and were numb. Even my "favorite" color and the we I always had to wear my hair was her decision.
Gelled and slicked back in a very tight bun.
It would pull back my eyes.
I remember I wanted to have it braided like the other girls.
She didn't like how curly it was so she would press it and pull it back in a bun.
So you couldn't really see what my curl pattern was.
I started losing my hair because I got stressed a lot about my parents fights and pulled it out.
I hated my hair, because it felt like something else that was mine but not really mine.
I was eight at the time.
Kids at school started noticing I was balding.
I was already the "teacher's pet" that only things worse.
When I told my mom.
She said it was because I wasn't very likable and I needed to change the way I acted and they would too.
I started failing on purpose and disrespecting my teachers so I could be cool.
After a while they started to accept me.
But the thing is.
I felt they was really accepting me more like someone else.
Someone who I could never me be.
I got expelled and my mother hired a teacher and I was basically homeschooled.
About like three years later my parents finally divorced.
I was left in the middle in the middle of things. my mother got admitted into a mental health hostpital.
My father disappeared...

I had to live with my grandmother.
That's where my life changed she homeschooled me still.
I was really happy with her.
Years later she got sick and couldn't take care of me anymore so I got emancipated and lived with a good friend. I had finished school and was off to college.
I still do not speak to my parents.

It literally felt like I had to corner him into admitting how he felt. He kept saying I should only be concerned about how I felt. When I took that to mean he didn't have feelings, he got upset and finally he said he shouldn't have to say it. He said it should be obvious by the amount of time he spends with me etc. He finally said it but it was very hard for him to. And afterwards he looked very vulnerable. I would have never expected it because he always acts so logical and cool, but in that moment I knew it was all a front. But why is it so hard for some men to say it? Do the. g. think women will manipulate or use it against them? That is what he kept hinting.