I know. We`ve all been there. This MyTake is NOT for any of you to feel sorry for me. I can take it. I AM stronger than I look, and I know most of you guys are, too. This Take will be about things lonely people can understand, and why I am lonely. I hope you find this useful!
Note: the kind of loneliness I am bringing up has got nothing to do with love. This is about social situations regarding friends, acquaintances and maybe even family members.
Everything I mention below is something I have experienced.
At the end of the Take I will be bringing up a few tips how to help loneliness. Enjoy! (or, at least try to)
Things Lonely People Understand
1. You don` t really know if you want friends or not.
Duh, you`re LONELY. However, you might find it confusing. All you want is to be surrounded by cool people who care about and understand you. But, at the same time, you want to be alone at all (or most) costs. You see that huge group of friends talking about dating and partying while laughing about their individual experiences. Yeah. That looks nice to be a part of. Contrarily, you are thankful you aren`t involved in the peer pressure and talking about pointless things.
2. You despise awkward situations.
This can be worse if you blend anxiety into the mix. When you have anxiety AND suffer from loneliness, you tend to overthink and awkward situations feel like the end of the world for you. You just walk home and think that people will never forget what just happened.
3. You might make "friends" just as fast as you lose them.
So you`re lonely, and the first person who says hi or talks to you turns out to be an instant candidate as your new friend. In other words, you`re DESPERATE. However, you might figure out not too long after that you weren`t such a good match after all. Let me tell you guys. I know you might be blaming yourself for it, but please don`t.
4. You feel like you don` t deserve anyone.
This goes back to overthinking. Because of your failed friendships and lust to be by yourself and doing something else, you feel like no one deserves to be with you anyway.
5. You feel a stabbing sensation in your chest whenever there is a social gathering.
Yeah, TIME TO SOCIALIZE! Now get out there and talk to someone! Just the thought of being pressured to make small talk is terrifying and exhausting. You like to be there, no doubt, but you have no idea how to act; if you should make friends (finally) or wait for someone to approach you and talk about their problems.
6. You try to avoid drama but somehow it follows you like a shadow
People might come to you with their problems because they consider you a stable person who will listen. Not to mention, remember those "friends" you made earlier? They turned out to be complete douchebags and they love to make your life a living hell.
7. You are an expert on hiding when you feel sad because you don` t want people to think you` re weak
Lonely people don`t really have many friends to share their problems with. They usually bottle it all up. Lonely people are expected to be strong, exactly because they are lonely. It makes everything so much more difficult, especially when you feel like crying your eyes out, but people would just think there is something seriously off with you.
You smile, but you wanna cry. You talk, but you wanna be quiet. You pretend like you`re happy, but you aren`t.
My experiences with loneliness
This is a really touchy subject for me because I`ve been hiding the way I feel. I don`t like to admit I am lonely to others because I used to have many friends before I entered high school. High school was the time when everyone found their clique after a few weeks, and many people knew each other before. When I entered high school, I didn`t know ANYONE. I did it because I wanted a fresh start with new friends. Turned out I found the wrong kinds of friends because I was desperate, and then I ended up to be pretty much alone.
When I lost my ex boyfriend I was pretty much devastated. I really cared for him, but it got really pressuring both from him and my parents. I decided to cut him off, which was cruel, but necessary for the both of us. I didn`t want him to be stuck with someone like me. But what has this got to do with loneliness? Well, after a few years of grief and missing him, I found out he thought everything was a mess with me. In other words, he didn`t really see the value of it after all. I took that really deeply and I started cutting people off from my life because I thought I was a mess to them. In addition, he had moved on just in a matter of weeks and he found a new girl to be with. He partied, blocked me everywhere and had the time of his life. I feel that he didn`t really care about me at all.
Before summer I lost most of my friends. They honestly weren`t treating me fairly and I decided to cut them off, too. I had the summer to myself and with real friends, so it was okay. Now that I started school again, it feels weird. I felt really guilty for some reason so I decided to write an apology to one of the guys in the group. He didn`t seem to accept the apology, but at least I said sorry. Now I spend most free periods in the library with a few other people who aren`t that close to me, but I`m mostly alone.
I don`t know what`s worse: actually being alone or being in a group of people and feeling alone. I`ve experienced both, and they both feel like shit.
Bottom line: I can`t wait to get out of high school and attend college. I`ve already caused pain onto myself and others. Somehow I feel like it won`t stop.
We sometimes think we want to disappear, but all we really want is to be found.
Things that might help you with loneliness
1. Fake it until you make it
Yeah, pretty stupid right? It actually may work for you. Even if you miss being with people and there is nothing or little to do about it, pretend like they don`t matter and you can do well by yourself. BECAUSE YOU CAN. You don`t need anyone to be someone. It feels crazy right now because you know you are a great person and you deserve better. You just have to find those people who are like you. It won`t be easy, I`m not gonna lie. But, in the end, it will be worth it, because, with a little digging, you can find the gold.
You don`t need anyone to be someone.
2. Join outside activities
Get away from that group of people that annoys you or keeps you from being yourself. Expand your horizons and meet people with common interests.
3. Remember that cool people who ignore or exclude good people really aren` t that cool.
Actually, they are quite the contrary. If you look up to someone you know, take another moment to think about why you look up to them. They might be good looking, social, nice to their friends, have good bodies... the list goes on. But the real thing you need to consider is: how do they treat YOU and others? Do they walk straight past a lonely person and think "nah, they`re good". Because that is pretty bad. People who can`t see you for who you are, never are worth it anyways and I promise you that you are way better off. I know some people in school who seem like the perfect person because they are so popular and nice, but in real life, they don`t give a fuck about other people.
4. Meet people online or meet up with an old friend
It`s easier to find people like you on the internet, but be careful who you trust. Also, don`t find someone who will just spill out all their problems to you. You`re not a psychiatrist. However, finding internet friends can be a good distraction from everyday loneliness. You might find some gems!
You could also contact an old friend from the past. You never know, the good old days might come back!
5. Write.
Writing down your feelings occasionally really can provide the best kind of therapy out there. You don`t have to tell anyone how you feel, only you can see it and you still get to spill out everything.
6. TALK TO SOMEONE.
This is probably the most important point of the whole MyTake. Loneliness can lead to depression, and in that case, it is important to take the |matter into one`s own hands and seek help. If it`s not so bad, you can also talk to someone who is close to you. It always helps when someone you love listens.
7. Try to remember that you` re never really alone.
There are ALWAYS people willing to help you. This might be a very tough time for you, but if you work at it, everything will work out. There are nice people everywhere, you just have to find them, and you will!
--- Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comments! x
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