Search Results: scar

I'm not saying I had the worst childhood in the world, but it wasn't goo either

I don't know who my biological father is, my first stepdad was a drunk who gave me the wrong perspective of the world mostly about women and black men. I was bullied in elementary school and I still deal with the scars. My mother never really helped with my personal problems as a child, she just got mad when I brought it up. I had no real friends, the friends I had in high school stopped inviting me to come after I left school and had fun without me, so I basically shut them out of my life. I watched my brother and sister get abused by their romantic partner and do drugs as a young child. When I was 13 my mother divorced my then stepdad and he took EVERYTHING, left my mother and I homeless for a bit and we were poor from then on, and my 2nd and current stepdad is on disability and doesn't get much.
I look back at my life now and realized that it was a total waste plagued by mental illness, rejection, ostracism and neglect. I never got to go on family vacations, play with the new video games, watch the cool TV shows, go to parties, go to events or any of that. So far my life has been me just waiting and hoping, 21 years of basically nothing. I remember how embarrassing it was going to school and listening to my peers talk about the cool things they got to do and I could only say "oh that's cool", I still remember the douchey kids laughing at me when I said that I did and had nothing. I know it may seem petty and materialistic but I can't seem to let it down. Mental illness basically swallowed me whole.
I'm planning on seeing a psychiatrist to get help so I can live a happy productive life. Can I have fun as an adult to make up for a depressing childhood?