Can you make up for a bad childhood as an adult?

[SomeGUYonGAG]

I'm not saying I had the worst childhood in the world, but it wasn't goo either

I don't know who my biological father is, my first stepdad was a drunk who gave me the wrong perspective of the world mostly about women and black men. I was bullied in elementary school and I still deal with the scars. My mother never really helped with my personal problems as a child, she just got mad when I brought it up. I had no real friends, the friends I had in high school stopped inviting me to come after I left school and had fun without me, so I basically shut them out of my life. I watched my brother and sister get abused by their romantic partner and do drugs as a young child. When I was 13 my mother divorced my then stepdad and he took EVERYTHING, left my mother and I homeless for a bit and we were poor from then on, and my 2nd and current stepdad is on disability and doesn't get much.
I look back at my life now and realized that it was a total waste plagued by mental illness, rejection, ostracism and neglect. I never got to go on family vacations, play with the new video games, watch the cool TV shows, go to parties, go to events or any of that. So far my life has been me just waiting and hoping, 21 years of basically nothing. I remember how embarrassing it was going to school and listening to my peers talk about the cool things they got to do and I could only say "oh that's cool", I still remember the douchey kids laughing at me when I said that I did and had nothing. I know it may seem petty and materialistic but I can't seem to let it down. Mental illness basically swallowed me whole.
I'm planning on seeing a psychiatrist to get help so I can live a happy productive life. Can I have fun as an adult to make up for a depressing childhood?

You can

You can't

[lightbulb27]

I say yes, there's quite a few testimonies of others and some I know personally who oever came and could point you to one. At 21, it almost seems like life is over, and when you have friends so far ahead and missed out, like maybe there is no hope. I can tell you there is a lot of life ahead and many versions of it. 80-100 is a long time and you have a lot of time to live, relieve life. The key here is... putting the past into place and taking control of the life you want.

psychiatrist is not my preference from what you wrote because what they do is find problem and apply medication. Your brain is supposed to make all the chemicals you need to be normal and happy. Problem is as you've noted... you had a lot of trauma growing up... stuff that seemed normal at the time, but is not. You see it with your siblings. You don't own any of that junk, didn't ask for it, and you didn't deserve it.

What I've been around is trauma therapy and recovery from trauma. That to me is the real solution, getting therapy for that trauma. Once all that stuff is put into perspective and you feel better about yourself and foundation, then you how power to take control and direct your life.

What I see over and over is the most impactful wounds a person have, become powerful gifts to give back to society that propel that person. For example those who were sexually abused as a child often give back to help others and have tireless energy. We humans get our highest calling from giving to others, we get those "feel good" meds generated from our own glands.

I've seen this done in the context of Christian God, that is god is love. That is what you were supposed to have as a child as you developed... security, someone to listen to you and help you, build trust, adventure and learn responsibility as you reach out, build confidence, etc.. When you have support you develop in healthy ways. When there is trauma... alter/lower emotions like shame, fear, envy, guilt come in and control and we go in the wrong direction. So the solution is to heal those old wounds, which are just lies... because as a child, we cannot properly translate what happened. As an adult, we can, insert love into them and be free of the trap that becomes a recurring cycle through generations if not dealt with. That is the power and choice you have... that your kids have it better than you! That is what my father did for my family.

I've seen it, yes you can and I hope you start to see and feel that feedom from all the stuff that isn't yours, and take hold of your true potential. That's what life is about!

[Unit1]

You can and so do I.

Hence my past may not be as rough as yours but it made me childfree and money obsessed. The way life works in society is basically all about the money. Such handicaps are what many face and it's not uncommon.

When nobody cares about you, you'll start seeing money becoming your best friend. For some it's god (this one is not for me). For others it's ethanol or meth or something of that sort.

The important thing is to not let your past dictate your life down the line but make it a foundation from which you base on, that you will do whatever it takes to never relive it anymore. Hence you are to take personal responsibilities and matters into your own hands and not look what others think of you.

I make up for a lost childhood period by making as much money as I can possibly do so that I can spend it for things I have longed for (and that includes controversial things like hiring hookers too) and make my life fun, not miserable. Sacrifices included years of time, energy, money and that I have to cut out on kids & family (not, that I feel I lost it but it's just not an option) and marriage.

[Xoxo420]

I honestly do think you can make up for things you missed out on when you were younger. It may seem impossible, but it can happen. Even though I haven’t gone through exactly what you have, I do understand what it’s like to miss out on things and to feel like I wouldn’t ever get that chance back. I’ve lost all my friends from school for no reason and have also gone through certain things that have lead me to depression and to some of my lowest points in life, but I decided to do exactly what you said and I went and talked to a psychiatrist. That itself was one of the most helpful things. I now am learning how to build myself up and to accomplish anything on my list that I felt like I missed out on and so far I’ve accomplished a lot of them. Keep your head up and just know that anything you want is possible, it may take time to get to that point but it’s so worth it when you finally get there. I never thought I’d be happy again, but I am & I want that for you as well!

[_gigi18]

I think it can get better but some things stick and have triggers. My life wasn't as bad as that mine was kinda like that but without all the romantic drama and the stepdads and class A drugs. Apparently I've suppressed most of my earlier childhood because I can't face it. I'm in and out of therapy but it does get better. You'll never forget but it can fuel you to be a better role model and authoritative male figure in a young child's life

[Regmorus]

One friend of mine had a bad childhood and left his home at the age under 16. But now he enjoyes his life and he is a person I would describe as happy in life. He is also a very nice and very kind person now. He has made up for his childhood and continues to do it, so that's possible. However he's a very strong person too, so I guess you have to be strong too to suceed at it. Now he is older than 50 as I remember, but he studies ar university, has a job and so on... So, be strong! Good luck!

[Regmorus]

why I mentioned the age: if he's 50, and you are in your twenties, then YOU can do it definitely!

[MackToday]

I'm about like you so I sure hope so. Watching this guy's videos helped me a lot. Once I understood a little about how the human mind worked a lot of my problems seemed kind of blunted somehow, things got better. https://www.youtube.com/user/JordanPetersonVideos

[Jamie05rhs]

YES! Easily! And that's what I want all of these kids to understand. You're life isn't over; it's just beginning! Shoot for the stars! Live your dreams! You may not be able to do everything you want, but you can still do a lot!

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Of course, you can. I personally know numerous people who succeeded in turning their lives around.

[kangy]

I believe one can, but the determination must be strong - mentally.
Many successful people have sad past, but they bite on and fight on

[Nikki1989]

You can but it can take a long time to turn your life around.

[Anonymous]

Going to a psychiatrist and getting the help you need is a wonderful step to take! I wish you luck and hope for happy times to come! :D

[Plitty-Tank]

You can easily do it but it is hard.

[Nachowedgie]

No, the damage is already done

[Curmudgeon]

OK, the damage is done, but what kind of damage? How relevant is it?