Search Results: fidelity

Recently my boyfriend has had some amount of upheaval in his life with having to move and find a new job. We used to live in the same apartment complex, now he is staying with his family, still not far away, yet without a place to really call his own.

Before all this, it was rare that we spent a night away from each other. We've almost been together 10 months. I knew that there would be an adjustment, but I'm seeing a change in his behavior that makes me worry.

He is working long hours, doing hard labor, I know that. But he used to always come home, or at least, call to wish me goodnight. Now, despite us having discussed him coming over, often I will not hear from him. I will wait up, unable to sleep, worried that something is wrong, and will never hear from him. He will stand me up. I have talked to him about it, and he is sorry and doesn't mean for it to happen. He just falls asleep at his sister's almost as soon as he gets home from work. According to him.

I trust him completely, however, every man I've ever said I love you to has cheated on me. While I know my boyfriend loves me and I do not doubt his fidelity, his behavior puts me in a frame of mind that I do not want to be in. I have told him this. He always is sorry but the behavior does not change. I've been understanding. I know he is working hard, I know that he is under a great deal of stress.

Am I asking too much to just want a phone call telling me, "hey baby, I'm really tired and I'm not coming tonight." or any communication of any kind?

I want us to work out. I love him and I know he loves me. I don't want this to come between us. Its just so hard to think in my head when he says, "I'll see you tonight." that I can't count on that. That some days I won't hear from him at all.

Guys and girls, should I adapt, cut him some slack, and lower my expectations? Or should I put my foot down and tell him that I need him to try harder to communicate with me? If I put my foot down, how far do I go? He always is sorry, but the behavior doesn't change. What consequence should there be? I won't break up with him over something like this and I don't use sex as a weapon so are not things I'm considering.

I don't need him to necessarily be there. I just need him to follow up if he says he is going to be. Please help!

Voltaire once said, "I do not believe in what you say but I will fight to the death your right to say it."

That is why even though I am a black chick I would never try to have the likes of Rush Limbaugh pushed off a radio. 1. All it does is make him a Martyr 2. The fan base who believes what he does will exist with or without him.

That said, I had a recent thread where I was called a psycho and paranoid and pathetic just because I preached the idea that both men and women should be responsible for their own body's when it came to sex and procreation. We are all the guardians of our own bodies, right?

My argument was that a man should never claim to be trapped per se if he has sex without a condom since we all know how babies are made. The fact that some girls may attempt to get pregnant on purpose is a double reason to keep it wrapped.

At one point the gent asked me if I felt that way with long term relationships. I said yes--even in a marriage becasue birth control is not fool proof and you can not always count on the fidelity of a lover.

Mind you--I did not say that all people will cheat--just never assume an individual won't do something of that nature--especially if health or potential parenthood are at stake. It was a small point that was an aside not the issue itself.

Well instead of answering my questions regarding the potential of birth control methods to fail even when one is being careful--he and an offline friend of his I suppose-- start trashing me as someone who thinks everyone cheats folks and that I lead a pathetic, paranoid life.

Uhm--not even. In every relationship I had the guys were all treated with trust. Some cheated , some did not but I never made them pay for the mistakes of the previous male before him. In fact, most wanted me back when our relationship ended.

I am also currently in a marriage with a beautiful man in body and spirit--I trust him with my soul but would never deign to say what he would or would not do--no man can make that claim about anyone.

Do I trust him. Yes. Do I also know he is human and can fall. Yes. It is not something I worry about, just acknowledge.

That was my only point.

Paranoid? Dude was practically preaching that all unwanted pregnancies were because of women wanting to trap men--who as being paranoid here?

There are accidents and there are those who trap--so keep it wrapped...lol...

I just think I struck a chord--something that he did not want to face or accept, which is a simple fact of life as we are all ultimately responsible for our own choices in life.

Some people cannot accept that but calling me names does not change this fact.

Most folks on G.A.G are very good about disagreeing but why do some just go off on an individual publicly because they disagree?