Search Results: signs of abusive relationship

I've been with my man for a long time now and I'm getting pretty sick of strangers (and even friends and family) thinking that I'm in an abusive relationship... but what if they're right? This is what bugs me.
I've had people come up to me out of the blue and hand me pamphlets about domestic violence. They take one look at me and my man and think the worst. Sure, he's big and mean-looking but he's a good person 99% of the time. Only rarely does he behave any different to me.
He's never hit me, I want to make that clear right away. However, he has effectively isolated me from my friends and family (he hates almost everyone - even his own family) and that's supposed to be a sign of abuse.
Three years ago we were doing badly, fighting all the time, and I told him I was going to leave. He grabbed me by the collar and said, "You're crazy if you think you're going to walk out on me. I'll never let you do that." He then proceeded to tell me how he would make sure he'd have me declared an unfit mother and that I'd never see our kids again. His family has ties to the local police department (and they've suceeded in taking two of his sister's kids away from her) so I got scared and backed off even though I had every intention of leaving with my kids that same night.
Since then he has apologized and told me that he was just scared of losing me and the kids and didn't mean a word of it. I'm still pissed off about it but I've tried to let it go.
Now his friend has developed what my guy thinks is an 'inappropriate' interest in me and told me that if I ever screw around he'll kill his friend and... but he trailed off there.
I'm confused. I love my guy but the second he feels like our relationship is in danger he becomes unpredictable and frightening. I know this isn't normal but I don't know if it qualifies as abuse either.
Just curious to know what other people think. I've been abused before (physically, sexually and emotionally) and I don't know what's normal and what isn't.