Search Results: i feel hopeless

Long story short:

My fuckbuddy and I text and call regularly since we’ve got to know each other 9 Monats ago via tinder. I’ve catchend feels but didn’t tell him, but I bet he knows. He‘s been in Paris for vacation and didn’t text me for a week (which isn’t the issue). As soon as he came back, he just sent me a song without any other comment. (He’s not good when it comes to feelings)

Question @ guys: is it just a random song or does it have a meaning to him?
If it does, please share your opinion! 🙏🏽

———————

LYRICS translated (QQUN - Noir)

“Black as the autumn sky at night
Like my thoughts on a rainy day
Like life without a best friend
Gray as a hopeless day
Like this guy in the back of the bar
Like a film in white and black
Black, like the love that I have for myself
Like my heart right now
Like a hole in the door
Like a black and white film
I don't know where it comes from
I know I'm not feeling well
Is it a shared story?
Or my uncertain future?

My hands are cold
My head will blow
I won't let go if you say no no no
I'm confused all the time when you say
I am awake all the time when you play
You say all the time
You play all the time

Black, black, black
And still black
Black, black, black
And still black

White as the glow of melancholy
Like the room I'm in
Like the hair of the aging father
Gray, like life after twenty years
Like people's smiles
Like the memory of the past
Black, like the love that I have for myself
Like my heart right now
Like a hole in the door
Like a black and white film
I don't know where it comes from
I know I'm not feeling well
Is it a shared story?
Or my uncertain future?


My hands are cold
My head will blow
I won't let go if you say no no no
I'm confused all the time when you say
I am awake all the time when you play
You say all the time
You play all the time

Black, black, black
And still black“

Does anyone else feel the same way that I do? I am as lonely as they come. I have never felt in my life, like I fit in with anyone. Everywhere I’ve went, there’s always been someone (s) that didn’t like me. I feel like I am a bit on the ditzy side and lack competence. I’ve always had issues with my weight and have always been invisible. I’ve never had true friends, even when I attempted to put myself out there and be friendly. As a result, I am completely alone. I don’t get along with my family and live with my dog. I don’t ever get asked out my guys and when I have, they were guys that I did not find attractive. What about me is so undesirable? Why am I so hopeless? It doesn’t feel nice knowing that you’re better off dead on a daily basis, contemplating and wondering “what if”. Even after trying medication and counseling, I only end up feeling frustrated and as if I wasted my time. Anyone else relate?