The rant of someone who lost hope in everything

[Anonymous]

This is a rant, posted as a take, which means I'm not expecting people to read it, in fact, but I need to let it out and I have no one to talk to.

I've lost someone recently. Oh she's fine, in fact she's pretty happy. But the reason of her happiness is also the reason I've lost her. She got a boyfriend. And as she said early when we started talking, the day she'll have boyfriend, we well stop talking much, no more than once a week. I knew that, but it's one of those things you hear, and then brush it off, thinking it won't happen before a long time. Until it happens. And since I'm a damn moron, I got attached to her, a lot. A whole lot. I don't love her but she's very important to me. She was someone I enjoyed talking to, and basically a real sunshine every day. So, here I am, seeing here going.

"But Anon, shouldn't you be happy for her?"

Should I? Maybe, if feelings were rational and controllable. But they aren't. And I'm not fucking happy. I'm losing a friend I love a lot. What is happy about it? Is that selfish to not like seeing someone I appreciate going away? Maybe, but that's how I feel. I feel so many things, I'm sad, I'm confused, I'm feeling the loneliness hitting again, I'm mad at me for getting attached to her, mad at her for leaving, and then I feel guilty for being mad at her when she's just being happy.

I'm starting to feel again that void, right in the chest, when something I was used to have isn't there anymore. And the thing is... there is nothing and no one else to fill that void. It was there, hidden behind the joy I had to talk to someone I cared about, and it's now back. It's eating me from the inside, growing a bit more everytime I allow it to. I didn't cry. I'm just feeling a bit more hopeless than I was. Rant over.

[Anonymous]

Listen dude, hear me out. 98% of guys go through this somehow, some way. Usually before ever having a relationship or even a single date. There is a desperation to fulfill that social stigma that guys need at least a girlfriend or two in life to be considered even remotely normal. Not to mention too many guys thinking with their heart (often really their dick), not their brain. You gotta understand girls can love whoever they want, just as men can. They owe you nothing, like you owe them nothing. The world often pressures people, in my opinion guys specifically, to get a girl somehow, some way, that they are the ultimate prize and pathway to happiness. Don't believe it. Focus on yourself. You have plenty of time to find a special somebody. And if you don't oh well! Fuck it! You do what you can, but don't go outta the way just for women. It will more than likely only disappoint. Life isn't a fairy tale. Horrible people do in fact win constantly. But then again, it leads one to think that being alive itself is pain, or will be painful at some point. So even the horrible people will suffer somehow, even if relatively unnoticeable. Everyone is human, everyone therefore suffers somehow, near impossible not to. Hell, there's a good chance there'll either be relationship issues, breakup, or divorce with the girl and her current boyfriend. Living with/dealing with the opposite sex is a lot harder than it looks, no matter what it seems. Be happy with independence and be patient. Meanwhile, focus on making something of yourself. And if nobody gives recognition, then fuck em. Let em miss out.

[orgsmgiver787]

Dude you literally contradicted yourself in saying you don't love her she important then say you are losing a friend you love a lot. She was straight honest with you and you brushed her off and wonder why you are so unhappy. First off she is not on another planet never returning nor is she deceased so you haven't lost anything. Second feelings can be controlled and held in check if you are willing to take the time in learning yourself and being intune with you. Third if she is a friend you love a lot then be that and be there for her if something happens or she reaches out. Send her a good morning hope all is well message maybe 1 to 2 times in a month don't be afraid to say hi just checking on you something that a true friend will do when their friend is being little non communicable

[wynn-ing]

I really get this feeling. It really hits home. Except, it's happened time and time again, and with people cutting off completely... not with hatred but with their life. It hurts just as much. You ask yourself why the fuck did you get so close with them, you knew this shit was gonna happen but it all amounts to this.
But you know what?
It was like a catalyst to bring me to... actually find happiness in not confiding in anyone - being lonely. And embrace it.

It was when I lost people and unprepared for it that I learned to find the joy in loss. Seems contradictory, but that is what it is.

I was forced to find something more concrete to fill that black hole of despair; something that I knew I could trust myself to. And that was me. I fuelled my own happiness when everyone else ran it out.

Focus on who you want to be and yourself as a person. Don't let the entirety of your happiness depend on one person. Find alternatives with yourself.

Because you're the best person you can count on. Sometimes the only one too.

[orgsmgiver787]

Love your response it is a true fact of life advice that you lived and learned

[wynn-ing]

@orgsmgiver787 Thank you! It really is, isn't it?
I hope the original Asker and everyone and anyone like him realizes this. Because when they do, they'll realize that they are better than that. That they can do better.

If somebody had told me this before, they'd have spared the pain and hurt and time wasted suffering. I don't want that for other people : )

[orgsmgiver787]

I feel the same and do whatever I can to help

[orgsmgiver787]

sometimes they need to hear hard truths too

[Bluebell17]

Going by wot u have said which is sbit confusing as u say she's a friend but u dont love her then u say u do Have u ever been in love or felt loved by a woman Or are u confused about the word "Love" You sound very lost and depressed about the whole situation Maybe mesg her with a Hi Hello hope ur ok. Wot have you got to lose As u say u have lost her already.. I have been in a situation like that And yes it hurts like hell You feel abandoned rejected worthless but only you can do wots best Maybe also ask a close friend for their opinion

[D_Bone_Steak]

I enjoyed the read. I've been there and felt much empathy. Felt it with platonic friends even, you know, when they meet that other and all of a sudden... they just don't have the time.

I'm old as shit and my advice is to learn to just let go. It hurts more if you try to hang on to connections. Like life, I see I'll even have let go of that one day.

[bulletbob555]

Well it sounds like you might love her as more than a friend. Don't let her completely go and remain her friend. You not saying anything and letting her go can end up helping her rationalize what she's doing is ok and its only friendship. Or just not important

[Anonymous]

"I'm mad at me for getting attached to her, mad at her for leaving, and then I feel guilty for being mad at her"

Dude, thanks! That's exactly me there. I thought I am clingy and has a mental problem... I thought there is wrong in me.

[Opinion Owner]

@whiteshoulder that's how I felt about every one, that's why I can't keep a relationship. I am so afraid of losing them. Am I okay?

[WhiteShoulder]

You're okay :-). You just need to learn not to let people know the depth of your feelings until you really trust them. And even then you can't rant at them.

[englisc]

Why were you obsessing over a girl you weren't even with, when there are plenty more out there?

[BIGGESTD39]

There's a man named Jesus and he can feel that void if you are willing to give him that chance he did for me

[OpenWine]

I was expecting something heavier and deeper down the system.

[KittyMilk]

It hurts but it's too much pussy out here, deal with your emotions it's life.. look what eve did to adam

[KaraAyna]

Good take