Search Results: future in laws

Names have been changed to protect identities :)
My future last name shall be Smith for the purpose of this question.

I was over at my fiance's parents' house. They had a few people over and we were having some after-dinner wine. I'm not a super huge drinker but an occasional glass of wine is whatever. Anyway, so we're all gathered around and they asked if I wanted to try the new bottle. They offered me a sip of the glass they'd just poured.

The glass was going to go to one of the other ladies (this lady happened to be my fiance's ex girlfriend). I asked her if it was okay if I took a sip out of her glass. Before she could answer, my future father in law said, ""Jane's" a part of the family. She's a "Smith." She knows how we work! It's fine!"

So this was hurtful for a few reasons.

1. "Jane" and my fiance "dated" for 7 months back when they were 12 (10 years ago).
2. "Jane" and my fiance haven't hung out together in years. She left their friend group (of her own accord) shortly after their little relationship of sorts ended.
3. I have been with my fiance for 7 years and we have been engaged for 2 years. Whenever anyone mentions me as being a part of their family, his parents immediately jump in and specify that I'm absolutely not a part of their family.

So... it's just irritating and hurtful that they'd refer to this girl as a part of the family but not me? I realize I should probably just brush it off but it still stings. Doesn't make me super excited to marry into their family, tbh. Love their son, but I don't feel welcomed. They treat me like a member of their family but if ever they need to tell people what I am to them they make it very clear that I am not. They only started mentioning me as more than their son's friend a couple months ago.

And before you ask, yes, my fiance argues on my behalf and yes, he sticks up for me and sides with me.