5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!

Before getting married there are certain things most couples tend to avoid talking about. Its commom to get engaged to someone without knowing about essential aspects that could make or break the future union.

Why don't we talk earlier then?

We usually want to be far from polemic subjects or talk about potentially argumentative points such as religion and politics.

Therefore which are the most Must-Speak-before-Marriage topics?

1. Money/Career

How are they going to manage the bills? Both have goals and ambitious that complete each other helping them to grow together?

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


2. Kids

Both need to be on the same page about starting a family and how to raise the children.

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


3. Sex

Are your needs compatible? Is there something you wish he/she changes for you?

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


4. Free Time

He need days with his friends or they will always spend free time together?

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


5. Secrets

What hidden issues both have feom the past? Clinical conditions, diseases, law issues. It is time to come clean.

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!
5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • bethshepherd

    There are lots of things a couple have to be compatible over, but few are, most of them rush into marriage because they think it is exciting, they are more interested in having loads of presents, a party and a honeymoon than the many years they say they are planning to spend togetherl. I have had guys tell me that they are engaged and getting married soon, but do not love their girlfriend and are still flirting and trying to sleep around as if the marriage is nothing special and they have no intention of being faithful or acting like a husband.

Most Helpful Guy

  • EpicDweeb

    It's sad to say most people care more about being in love than about genuine compatibility. If they don't feel the spark they assume they can't be the one.

    Honestly I think Disney movies have screwed up most people's thinking on what's important in a good marriage/relationship. People feel the spark and think it's fate. Then they get married only to find themselves signing divorce papers in a year due to the hormones wearing off and no longer feeling "in love."

What Girls & Guys Said

3345
  • OlderAndWiser

    Marriages fail because people are not prepared for marriage, not because marriage is a failed concept.

    • I agree, although I do think it's an obsolete concept for most.

    • @Annie_Mosity It is only obsolete because people get married expecting every day to be a picnic. As soon as they encounter problems, they run rather than trying to address the problems. People say marriage doesn't "work" but it doesn't work because the marital partners were unwilling to do the work to solve the problems. Marriage has worked for thousands of years and I don't think anything has happened to human nature to suddenly make marriage obsolete. . . except that we have become a disposable, replace-rather-than-repair, throwaway culture.

    • I'm not saying the concept of long term committed partners is obsolete but marriage is outdated.

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  • DevilsAdvocator

    You say "topics to discuss". We men have clued onto the fact that what you REALLY mean is "demands to dictate", in the order in which you prioritize their importance. You demand the right to exert full control over his household finances, over his children, over sexual matters, over his free time, and free access to all of his secrets, whilst denying him any access to your own secrets because "the past doesn't matter". And then you wonder why men don't bother any more.

    • What hear from this comment is someone who dismisses important communication because he fears manipulation. You're not wrong that some people use any or all of these points to control their partner, but the refusal to discuss these is as much an effort to control as a forced discussion.

    • @cherryphi82 And what I hear from your response, and from the pink downvotes, is that you're unhappy that we'd reject these unequal treaty terms. I wouldn't refuse to discuss them- I'd welcome a discussion of these tpoics. But you'd reject any actual discussion of these topics; your 'discussion' would consist entirely of you dictating non-negotiable terms.

    • I really don't understand. How have I rejected anything?

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  • btbc92

    As somebody who was Maid of Honor, These are topics one should discuss BEFORE DATING. If you're already sexually active your already going to fail badly in marriage. People need's to understand WHAT marriage, love and sex are before jumping in it. People who WANT'S successful marriages that will last till DEATH DO YOU APART, need to follow these rules for themselves IF they don't have them by now:

    1. KNOW YOURSELF!: too many people wait until adulthood just to try to figure out something they no longer have the time for that than if they were a child or teenager. But if you want to date and have it lead to marriage, you must know who you are as a person first BEFORE you even think about sharing a life with another person. You can't expect another person do this job for you. You will become a person you are NOT and don't want to be. Serious partners find this type of mentality a TURN-OFF, and they will dump you or reject you before you even thought of being serious.

    2. What are your Morals, Faith, Beliefs, Values and Principals?: I cannot STRESS this ENOUGH. Stop dating people you KNOW your not compatible with. I don't care how GOOD the sex was if sex was even involved before dating or during dating, it's a recipe for disaster! Studies have shown that many people, especially women are hooked up on endorphins after sex for days, weeks and sometimes MONTHS at a time. Depending on how long and many times they had sex. Hense why premarital sex is also a BIG NO-NO! It will deceive you. Sex really is a drug!

    On other note, your faith is important, Your values, principals, morals, beliefs, etc is important for you to know, for them to know about you and for you to know about them! They will not discuss it during the first few dates in HOPES they can lure you into dating them and having sex with you [men and women both]. They are not serious partners. If they avoid talking about their sex life, their views about it, but yet they want to get 'nasty' with you, RED FLAG. They have no interest in getting THAT serious about you or without using all of you first. A person who wants to marry you only care about your personal interest and wants to provide that! These core five things make up who you are and your background. If they have no desire in discussing it, WALK!

    3. Absolutely NOT! If that person already have done sex acts you will NEVER do yourself, DO NOT MARRY THEM or have sex with them. You are who you have sex with. And yes people, it will go into marriage.

    • btbc92

      And why you do not want to have sex before marriage. And if you expect to want to get married, then the premarital sex has to stop. Effective IMMEDIATELY. Anybody who tells you the lie of you needing to have sex before you marry to see your compatible is a LIAR and a fool! And many studies have shown that premarital sex and cohabitation especially if you were sexually active as teens are at greater risk for divorce. No amount of sex is going to change anything once you say 'I DO'. NOTHING. God created sex to bond and bind YOU to your partner, whom should be your spouse. If they are not your spouse legally, guess what, you are still bound to them. You will remember they touch sexually every single time you have sex or think about sex or your mind wonders to them. And no, One night stands or friends with benefits is going to cut it either. It will just add further to your problems. And yes, I personally knew and know some people who learned it THE HARD WAY. Don't do something you can't be responsible for

    • btbc92

      and live with [literally]. Do you want a stable marriage? Wait. Do you want the best of the best sex life? Get married and wait till your wedding night. Ignore the naysayers who say you may not enjoy or like the sex. They don't know what the hell they're talking about! The only main REASON why they sound so convincing is because they had already thought this way BEFORE marriage that sex, especially first-time sex is supposed to be this magical time where everything is perfect. First-time sex, whether married or not is never always perfect. EVER! Don't expect it, don't look for it. Don't let it consume your mind. Don't let anybody tell you OTHERWISE.

      Another thing as well. You cannot force somebody to change for you. If they like or do certain things, understand that it's because they were very active sexually and this is their borrowed sexual identity they want to enforce on YOU. Or else they will dump you and be with somebody else. Look, don't panic. If they want to do that...

    • btbc92

      let them. It shows you their true colors and what they're really about. Sex and not you. They have to have the same mentality as you. And be on the same page as you.

      4. You have to be Honest with yourself and to them!: If you ever expect to date or marry somebody you must be honest with yourself and them. No honesty proves your very secretive and potentially a risk and or health hazard to somebody else besides yourself. Everybody claims they don't want to get infected with disease or know something at the last minute, yet how many actually got the balls to be bold and ask serious personal questions that get's you off your feet? People who are great marriage partners are these. They're bold, they into your skin for the right reasons, they want to know ALL ABOUT YOU because they last thing anybody wants is for them to be honest about everything about themselves and it was all for nothing. This is how abuse starts. You don't wait to express this during dating. You do this as friends.

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  • loveslongnails

    You left out a HUGE one... FAMILY... How attached is he/she to their FAMILY? At the hip? Will you be expected to always be at Thanksgiving and Christmas (if USA) or whatever national holidays in the country you're in? This can ruin a marriage before it starts.

  • Annie_Mosity

    Not sure how you could ever get to the marrying stage without ever having discussed these things... You gotta be seriously stupid to commit to someone and not even know if they want kids.

  • madhatters4

    good list to go over for sure before getting married. unfortunately too many people enter marriage without having thoroughly addressed many of these and other important matters.

  • HOAAH

    1. money: He works, I stay at home
    2. kids, we both wanted at least one kid
    3. sex, when we are not stressed
    4. free time: He likes video games and I like to read books
    5. secrets: we both know about each others family problems and past sexual exes

  • MrMAC777

    Big one for me is cleanliness/organization habits. A neat freak absolutely cannot live with a slob, both will be miserable and have constant conflict. Also, fitness expectations. People should try their best to look as close as possible to when they were married. People tend to let themselves go, and you find yourself married to a different person altogether down the road.

  • CHARismatic110

    I agree with the kids topic the most. I see too many questions and situations where people are already in relationships or worse, married, and they want totally different things when it comes to kids. That's something that needs to be discussed early on because it tends to be major dealbreakers for most people.

  • Jaiyde29

    These are all good topics especiespecially money and career. But I also think that people should talk about if they are ready. You don't want to get into marriage with any what ifs. They lead to cheating and many unessasary arguments that could lead to divorce or unhappy marraige

  • Astoriana

    Wrong venue for anything like this. All the little MGTOW trolls will just get themselves worked into a state about how marriage is actually man-slavery and how women are evil incarnate.

  • Goodwifie

    All of these should be talked about before marriage.
    One thing that changes are our sex drives our needs and wants especially when kids come along. This is when communication is key to a happy marriage.

  • Landshrk0068

    1, 2 and 5 I totally agree with. The other 2 you should have already figured out before even saying yes to the proposal. And it doesn't how much you have when you get married, there should be a prenup.

  • kaangah

    1 is extremely important as statistics say most divorces are caused by issues regarding money / finances

  • JulieXO

    I feel like all of these are really obvious. For example the sex bit, I wouldn't even date someone I wasn't sexually compatible with, much less so marry them.

  • dandee55

    I agree with most of that, but for me, I don't think sex needs to be discussed prior -- unless it relates to #5: diseases, crimes, addictions. If you want to bring up any fetish/kink, that's up to you.

  • coolbreeze

    Your right and make very good points. You have to find out everything about the person in order for thing's to work.

  • spartan55

    Covered all of these prior to my marriage and everything was compatible. I had known this woman since sixth. Can't miss, right. DIVORCED after 9 years. Thanks for coming, I hope please drive through.

  • JimRSmith

    I think a lot of these things should have been discussed way in advance of popping the question.

    It's far too late by then...

  • Kiran04

    Marriages fail because women are incapable of staying married. They are hypergamous by nature, and the business of divorce has made it extremely easy for them to run off with a man's assets while simultaneously trading him up for another man. They aren't willing to work to make a marriage succeed. The #1 reason most women initiate divorce is "I'm just not happy anymore", which is bullshit. All that tells me is they expect men to entertain them, not to form a meaningful partnership. That's why marriages fail.

    • Says the same gender that expects women to gain weight right after childbirth, lmao.

    • And the fact you think an unhappy person just needs entertaining goes to show how shit a husband you'd be...

    • lose weight* sorry made a typing error there.

      @Annie_Mosity good point

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  • There's nothing to discuss. If you're a man, don't get married. Period, full stop.

  • BuchitaBuchys

    Also, arguments. Y'all need to see each other angry and how to handle disagreements

  • slatyb

    Pretty good, but you left out some important issues.

    1. How will the household be run? Who will cook? Who will clean? Do home maintenance? Take out the trash? Maintain the cars? Kill the spiders?

    Too many people go into a marriage assuming that their spouse is automatically going do everything their opposite sex parent did.

    2. Family obligations: what duties does each partner believe they owe their parents and immediate family? Will they be visiting for the holidays or staying home? Who will they visit and how often? Or how often and for how long will the parents be staying?

  • Kabluie

    Not surprising, #5 has always been the deal breaker in my experience. Ghosts in the closet. Surprisingly, coming clean about the past is actually a good thing when you get towards this level.

  • Logorithim

    Good list. Maybe also where to live (a derivative of money/career) and whether to buy property. Relations with the in-laws.

  • JessForAdvice

    I think marriage is still a hugely joined concept. It’s still as important now as it was decades ago.
    Good list to talk about, especially the kids and sex one

  • ladsin

    You'd be surprised how few people get married knowing these sorts of things about each other.

  • CubsterShura

    Money is a big one. No matter how much we earn, money should always be spent wisely.

  • it takes two for a marriage to work. Trust, Honesty Communication and Respect. In order for it to work , you need to make sure its something you know what your getting into. Marriage is huge

  • Waftpermidgeon

    Marriages fail because women are incapable of committing.

    • Exactly this. They simply can't do it. Anyone that expects it from them is going to be disappointed, and anyone that ties himself to one legally is going to get divorce raped.

  • Krumpir

    Number of partners is before you even start dating. I am not a manwhore and I dont need or want a city slut

  • bubble_tea

    All good points. Also important, how you want to spend your vacation days and how many of them you want to spend with each other.

  • Shutupman

    How could you not talk about these? Even early on in the relationship we had already discussed all of these.

  • milettescheepers

    Love is accepting a person just the way they are and being married or not you can't change the past or who they are

  • Pyrofox

    1-4 are right on the 5th I'd say sometimes secrets are meant to stay secret...

  • DeeDeeDeVour

    There are more essential matters that need discussion.

  • Emma_240302

    I'll keep that in mind when I'm about to get married after 13 years 😂

  • I'm just gonna add to number 1: you should also discuss credit score. You don't want to "share" your spouse's debt.

  • LaiyaLaiya

    All are points are good but yeah religion also matters because that contains different ways of living the life.

  • clampfan101

    Too many people don’t think about these kind of things ahead of time. Lots do it just to stay sex partners.

  • mike5150

    I figured pretty much any sane couple should have talked this over before marriage anyway

  • llPurpleSkittlesll

    I like this! I feel that I can use this whenever I get married in the future.

  • cupidkisses

    Right. Things should be discussed before it is too late.

  • oddwaffle

    Completely agree with the 1st 2 points. They are extremely important for a long term relationship.

  • veronicalynn

    I agree.. Couples have a lot to talk about before getting married

  • DawsNireOG

    Any previous relationships so they dont blow up in your face further down the track.

  • Iamanintrovert

    Nice. But love is missing. I believe it's alone enough to get all the above.

  • justcurious21

    My big thing was we didn’t discuss free time... I didn’t realize that he doesn’t really hang out with anyone since his divorce, and we have the same days off so we spend literally every day together and it’s a little much! I’m not able to do stuff I’m really into because he either thinks it’s dumb or just flat out doesn’t want to even try anything. Definitely should have things you do separately, but share a lot of things too. I think the time apart helps each person keep passion in their life and will help the relationship in the long run

  • I would agree with you.. Don't speak about disease more..

  • NYCQuestions1976

    I'm never getting married again.

    • TinaSP

      Make it 2 of us

    • Wow 25 and already divorced? That's impressive. Nice fast work. 😂

    • TinaSP

      Hey we all make mistakes. My mistake was just the huge kind haha

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