5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!

Before getting married there are certain things most couples tend to avoid talking about. Its commom to get engaged to someone without knowing about essential aspects that could make or break the future union.

Why don't we talk earlier then?

We usually want to be far from polemic subjects or talk about potentially argumentative points such as religion and politics.

Therefore which are the most Must-Speak-before-Marriage topics?

1. Money/Career

How are they going to manage the bills? Both have goals and ambitious that complete each other helping them to grow together?

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


2. Kids

Both need to be on the same page about starting a family and how to raise the children.

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


3. Sex

Are your needs compatible? Is there something you wish he/she changes for you?

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


4. Free Time

He need days with his friends or they will always spend free time together?

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!


5. Secrets

What hidden issues both have feom the past? Clinical conditions, diseases, law issues. It is time to come clean.

5 Topics to Discuss Before Saying "YES"!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's sad to say most people care more about being in love than about genuine compatibility. If they don't feel the spark they assume they can't be the one.

    Honestly I think Disney movies have screwed up most people's thinking on what's important in a good marriage/relationship. People feel the spark and think it's fate. Then they get married only to find themselves signing divorce papers in a year due to the hormones wearing off and no longer feeling "in love."

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There are lots of things a couple have to be compatible over, but few are, most of them rush into marriage because they think it is exciting, they are more interested in having loads of presents, a party and a honeymoon than the many years they say they are planning to spend togetherl. I have had guys tell me that they are engaged and getting married soon, but do not love their girlfriend and are still flirting and trying to sleep around as if the marriage is nothing special and they have no intention of being faithful or acting like a husband.

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What Guys Said 45

  • You say "topics to discuss". We men have clued onto the fact that what you REALLY mean is "demands to dictate", in the order in which you prioritize their importance. You demand the right to exert full control over his household finances, over his children, over sexual matters, over his free time, and free access to all of his secrets, whilst denying him any access to your own secrets because "the past doesn't matter". And then you wonder why men don't bother any more.

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    • What hear from this comment is someone who dismisses important communication because he fears manipulation. You're not wrong that some people use any or all of these points to control their partner, but the refusal to discuss these is as much an effort to control as a forced discussion.

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    • @cherryphi82 No, By my latter statement, I was saying exactly what you just affirmed- that you had those discussions before he proposed. Don't know how anyone could construe what I just wrote as "implying that I somehow manipulated him into marrying me" (unless she actually did- which would clearly be utterly ridiculous); I was merely implying that they weren't "topics to discuss before saying Yes", they were "topics to discuss before proposing marriage" from a male perspective. And if the answers weren't right, if you weren't a match, he wouldn't have asked in the first place- you wouldn't have had anything to to say "no" or "yes" to.

    • How does this relate to your initial statement?

  • Marriages fail because people are not prepared for marriage, not because marriage is a failed concept.

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    • I agree, although I do think it's an obsolete concept for most.

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    • I'm not saying it's obsolete for everyone, I'm saying that for many it does not hold the same value that it does for you... So it is valueless to those people. That doesn't mean those people don't value what they have just as much, or more than what married people have. Why I get annoyed with this subject is because those pro marriage people always try and devalue committed, long term un married couples literally because they didn't have a ceremony and make it legal.

    • My initial response says it all, I agree that marriages fail because people don't put enough effort but it's also obsolete concept for many... Not you, but that's fine! I have no issue with people wanting to marry, just being dicks and designing to know the hearts of those that don't.

  • You left out a HUGE one... FAMILY... How attached is he/she to their FAMILY? At the hip? Will you be expected to always be at Thanksgiving and Christmas (if USA) or whatever national holidays in the country you're in? This can ruin a marriage before it starts.

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  • good list to go over for sure before getting married. unfortunately too many people enter marriage without having thoroughly addressed many of these and other important matters.

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  • Big one for me is cleanliness/organization habits. A neat freak absolutely cannot live with a slob, both will be miserable and have constant conflict. Also, fitness expectations. People should try their best to look as close as possible to when they were married. People tend to let themselves go, and you find yourself married to a different person altogether down the road.

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  • 1, 2 and 5 I totally agree with. The other 2 you should have already figured out before even saying yes to the proposal. And it doesn't how much you have when you get married, there should be a prenup.

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  • 1 is extremely important as statistics say most divorces are caused by issues regarding money / finances

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  • I agree with most of that, but for me, I don't think sex needs to be discussed prior -- unless it relates to #5: diseases, crimes, addictions. If you want to bring up any fetish/kink, that's up to you.

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  • Your right and make very good points. You have to find out everything about the person in order for thing's to work.

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  • Covered all of these prior to my marriage and everything was compatible. I had known this woman since sixth. Can't miss, right. DIVORCED after 9 years. Thanks for coming, I hope please drive through.

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  • Marriages fail because women are incapable of staying married. They are hypergamous by nature, and the business of divorce has made it extremely easy for them to run off with a man's assets while simultaneously trading him up for another man. They aren't willing to work to make a marriage succeed. The #1 reason most women initiate divorce is "I'm just not happy anymore", which is bullshit. All that tells me is they expect men to entertain them, not to form a meaningful partnership. That's why marriages fail.

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    • Says the same gender that expects women to gain weight right after childbirth, lmao.

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    • You don't have to consider my theory.
      You said divorces are caused by women for bullshit reasons, right?
      All I'm saying is that those bullshit reasons can easily translate from the guy "divorcing" her in the marriage. I don't have evidence to back this up unless you count your most if 70% of divorcers saying "I'm just not happy" likely being because the man is just not caring anymore, because he's "just not happy" and doesn't try to fix it.
      I'm saying this is probably why your argument can be used against girls and guys. You can consider you may have not seen part of it right, or not. I really don't care either way, I just thought people may wanna see the other half of the argument you gave.

    • No, you trivialised a huge issue in marriage to justify your idea of women. That's what happened and now You're nitpicking over details to get out of it.

  • There's nothing to discuss. If you're a man, don't get married. Period, full stop.

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  • I think a lot of these things should have been discussed way in advance of popping the question.

    It's far too late by then...

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  • Pretty good, but you left out some important issues.

    1. How will the household be run? Who will cook? Who will clean? Do home maintenance? Take out the trash? Maintain the cars? Kill the spiders?

    Too many people go into a marriage assuming that their spouse is automatically going do everything their opposite sex parent did.

    2. Family obligations: what duties does each partner believe they owe their parents and immediate family? Will they be visiting for the holidays or staying home? Who will they visit and how often? Or how often and for how long will the parents be staying?

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  • Not surprising, #5 has always been the deal breaker in my experience. Ghosts in the closet. Surprisingly, coming clean about the past is actually a good thing when you get towards this level.

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  • Good list. Maybe also where to live (a derivative of money/career) and whether to buy property. Relations with the in-laws.

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  • You'd be surprised how few people get married knowing these sorts of things about each other.

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  • Marriages fail because women are incapable of committing.

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    • Exactly this. They simply can't do it. Anyone that expects it from them is going to be disappointed, and anyone that ties himself to one legally is going to get divorce raped.

  • Number of partners is before you even start dating. I am not a manwhore and I dont need or want a city slut

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  • 1-4 are right on the 5th I'd say sometimes secrets are meant to stay secret...

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What Girls Said 33

  • As somebody who was Maid of Honor, These are topics one should discuss BEFORE DATING. If you're already sexually active your already going to fail badly in marriage. People need's to understand WHAT marriage, love and sex are before jumping in it. People who WANT'S successful marriages that will last till DEATH DO YOU APART, need to follow these rules for themselves IF they don't have them by now:

    1. KNOW YOURSELF!: too many people wait until adulthood just to try to figure out something they no longer have the time for that than if they were a child or teenager. But if you want to date and have it lead to marriage, you must know who you are as a person first BEFORE you even think about sharing a life with another person. You can't expect another person do this job for you. You will become a person you are NOT and don't want to be. Serious partners find this type of mentality a TURN-OFF, and they will dump you or reject you before you even thought of being serious.

    2. What are your Morals, Faith, Beliefs, Values and Principals?: I cannot STRESS this ENOUGH. Stop dating people you KNOW your not compatible with. I don't care how GOOD the sex was if sex was even involved before dating or during dating, it's a recipe for disaster! Studies have shown that many people, especially women are hooked up on endorphins after sex for days, weeks and sometimes MONTHS at a time. Depending on how long and many times they had sex. Hense why premarital sex is also a BIG NO-NO! It will deceive you. Sex really is a drug!

    On other note, your faith is important, Your values, principals, morals, beliefs, etc is important for you to know, for them to know about you and for you to know about them! They will not discuss it during the first few dates in HOPES they can lure you into dating them and having sex with you [men and women both]. They are not serious partners. If they avoid talking about their sex life, their views about it, but yet they want to get 'nasty' with you, RED FLAG. They have no interest in getting THAT serious about you or without using all of you first. A person who wants to marry you only care about your personal interest and wants to provide that! These core five things make up who you are and your background. If they have no desire in discussing it, WALK!

    3. Absolutely NOT! If that person already have done sex acts you will NEVER do yourself, DO NOT MARRY THEM or have sex with them. You are who you have sex with. And yes people, it will go into marriage.

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    • And why you do not want to have sex before marriage. And if you expect to want to get married, then the premarital sex has to stop. Effective IMMEDIATELY. Anybody who tells you the lie of you needing to have sex before you marry to see your compatible is a LIAR and a fool! And many studies have shown that premarital sex and cohabitation especially if you were sexually active as teens are at greater risk for divorce. No amount of sex is going to change anything once you say 'I DO'. NOTHING. God created sex to bond and bind YOU to your partner, whom should be your spouse. If they are not your spouse legally, guess what, you are still bound to them. You will remember they touch sexually every single time you have sex or think about sex or your mind wonders to them. And no, One night stands or friends with benefits is going to cut it either. It will just add further to your problems. And yes, I personally knew and know some people who learned it THE HARD WAY. Don't do something you can't be responsible for

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    • let them. It shows you their true colors and what they're really about. Sex and not you. They have to have the same mentality as you. And be on the same page as you.

      4. You have to be Honest with yourself and to them!: If you ever expect to date or marry somebody you must be honest with yourself and them. No honesty proves your very secretive and potentially a risk and or health hazard to somebody else besides yourself. Everybody claims they don't want to get infected with disease or know something at the last minute, yet how many actually got the balls to be bold and ask serious personal questions that get's you off your feet? People who are great marriage partners are these. They're bold, they into your skin for the right reasons, they want to know ALL ABOUT YOU because they last thing anybody wants is for them to be honest about everything about themselves and it was all for nothing. This is how abuse starts. You don't wait to express this during dating. You do this as friends.

    • Why I say, friends? Friends don't judge you for the wrong reasons or just being who you are. People who you date will.

      Do all of this, and you're bound to be with a partner who values you and your time. 90% of the time!

  • Not sure how you could ever get to the marrying stage without ever having discussed these things... You gotta be seriously stupid to commit to someone and not even know if they want kids.

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  • I agree with the kids topic the most. I see too many questions and situations where people are already in relationships or worse, married, and they want totally different things when it comes to kids. That's something that needs to be discussed early on because it tends to be major dealbreakers for most people.

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  • These are all good topics especiespecially money and career. But I also think that people should talk about if they are ready. You don't want to get into marriage with any what ifs. They lead to cheating and many unessasary arguments that could lead to divorce or unhappy marraige

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  • Wrong venue for anything like this. All the little MGTOW trolls will just get themselves worked into a state about how marriage is actually man-slavery and how women are evil incarnate.

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  • 1. money: He works, I stay at home
    2. kids, we both wanted at least one kid
    3. sex, when we are not stressed
    4. free time: He likes video games and I like to read books
    5. secrets: we both know about each others family problems and past sexual exes

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  • All of these should be talked about before marriage.
    One thing that changes are our sex drives our needs and wants especially when kids come along. This is when communication is key to a happy marriage.

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  • I feel like all of these are really obvious. For example the sex bit, I wouldn't even date someone I wasn't sexually compatible with, much less so marry them.

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  • Also, arguments. Y'all need to see each other angry and how to handle disagreements

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  • I think marriage is still a hugely joined concept. It’s still as important now as it was decades ago.
    Good list to talk about, especially the kids and sex one

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  • Money is a big one. No matter how much we earn, money should always be spent wisely.

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  • All good points. Also important, how you want to spend your vacation days and how many of them you want to spend with each other.

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  • How could you not talk about these? Even early on in the relationship we had already discussed all of these.

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  • Love is accepting a person just the way they are and being married or not you can't change the past or who they are

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  • There are more essential matters that need discussion.

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  • I'll keep that in mind when I'm about to get married after 13 years 😂

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  • All are points are good but yeah religion also matters because that contains different ways of living the life.

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  • I like this! I feel that I can use this whenever I get married in the future.

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  • Right. Things should be discussed before it is too late.

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  • I agree.. Couples have a lot to talk about before getting married

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