On March 29th, 2018, the 150th Major League Baseball season began here in North America! For the United States of America, it has been known as America's "greatest passtime."
Instead of making analytical predictions like I've been doing the past two years on here (that nobody on GAG seems to care about), I'm going to have a little bit of fun here.
From a historical standpoint, I'm going to compare a fairly well-known motion (from a United States perspective) to the current 30 MLB franchises (and how they were viewed in their history). This comparison will be based on the popularity between the movies, how well they did/do, and their most famous actors/actresses/athletes, and finally, their history. So, let's begin.
New York Yankees (Titanic-1997)
The Yankees are one the most popular teams in the league, have grossed more money than any other team in franchise history, and everyone seems to overrate them every year, and you're sick of it being rubbed in your face. Sound familiar?
Boston Red Sox (Forrest Gump-1994)
There are two people in the world: People who think Titanic was the best movie in the 1990's, and people who think Forrest Gump was the best 90's movie instead. This is the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry in a nutshell.
Toronto Blue Jays (Monty Python and the Holy Grail-1975)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail is one of those movies that every America wants to hate, just because it's foreign, but other than that, we have no legitimate reason to disdain the movie. The Blue Jays get the same treatment in the MLB. Poor Jays :(
Baltimore Orioles (Romeo and Juliet-1996)
Let me guess, you didn't know about this 1990's remake starring Leonardo DiCaprio? Or maybe you "barely" heard of it? Why is this? Because it came out in the wrong decade, since every other legendary movie came out in the nineties! This is unfortunately the same case with the Orioles. It's not that they're bad-they're just in the AL East.
Tampa Bay Rays (Wall-E-2008)
This is one of those Pixar movies that people really only cared about in 2008, when it was released. Similar to how people only cared about the Rays when they made the World Series, in 2008.
Cleveland Indians (Major League-1989)
Sorry Indians fans, but I couldn't resist. The movie is literally about how pathetic the Cleveland Indians' success has been in their franchise history, and how they will never win a World Series again. The sad thing is, this is alarmingly accurate in real life.
Minnesota Twins (Cool Runnings-1993)
The movie is about a Jamaican quartet who wants to race in a bobsled race, despite never seeing any snow. The Minnesota Twins are about an MLB team wanting to play in the Summer time, despite being located in Minnesota.
Chicago White Sox (Antz-1998)
Wouldn't you all agree that the movie Antz is completely overshadowed by the movie, A Bug's Life? Ask White Sox fans how they feel about the Cubs.
Kansas City Royals (The Poltergeist-1982)
After the peak success of this movie, most of the cast began dying off in unfortunate events. After the Royals won the World Series in 2015, they've had their atrocious luck as well, including an actual death from their former Ace Pitcher.
Detroit Tigers (8 Mile-2002)
A movie about how disgusting urban Detroit life is, from a rapper's point of view. The Tigers are a similar deal, minus the rapper.
Houston Astros (The Hangover-2009)
Many people don't know this, but The Hangover triology is one of the most surprising trilogies of all time. Nobody thought the movie would do as good as they did. How many people thought this about the Astros after 2014?
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Man Trouble-1992)
This movie(which you've probably never heard of) is widely regarded as one of the worst romantic comedies of all time, yet, it starred one of the greatest actors of all time-Jack Nicholson. Please, Google Mike Trout, and the Angels.
Seattle Mariners (Grown Ups-2010)
Probably the biggest bust of the 2010's decade. The same way people need to quit hyping the Seattle Mariners every year this decade. They aren't going anywhere, and never will.
Texas Rangers (Once Upon a Time in America-1984)
You probably heard of it, you probably liked it, but would you believe it has never won an Oscar before? If this doesn't sound like the Rangers, I don't know what does.
Oakland Athletics (Space Jam-1996)
This one needs some 'splaining to do. The movie showcases Michael Jordan's basketball skills, and makes a mockery of his baseball skills in an exciting cartoon/real life blend. In real life(with no cartoons), the Golden State Warriors in the NBA seem to be making a mockery of their MLB counterparts, which is the Athletics(who can barely draw fans anyway). Do you see the connection now?
Washington Nationals (The Thing-1982)
This is known was one of the greatest movie remakes of all time, as it improved on almost everything from the original movie. The Washington Nationals are the same franchise as the Montreal Expos-And they are a big improvement of their original product.
Atlanta Braves (The Natural-1984)
The movie focuses on a guy who is naturally great at baseball, despite not having much experience. I think that will be the tall tale of the Atlanta Braves in 2018!
New York Mets (Ghosts of the Abyss-2003)
It's not that the movie is particularly bad...it's just seen as a generic version of Titanic. Guess where I'm going with here?
Philadelphia Phillies (The Waterboy-2001)
The Adam Sandler classic showcases a team who finally wins a title, and then we have the classic tagline by Rob Schneider, "Oh no, we suck again!" We hear you Phillies fans...
Miami Marlins (Scavenger Hunt-1979)
The movie has some of the most famous actors of all time, and was even critically acclaimed. It doesn't matter, because nobody cares about the movie, nobody watches it anymore, and barely anyone even knows about it anymore. For the record, the Marlins are lucky to sell out on their Home Opener.
Chicago Cubs (Back to the Future-1985)
In the movie, the main character traveled to the future to find out the Cubs finally broke their "curse", and won the World Series in 2015. They were so damn close! The Cubs won in 2016. And that is my sole reason for choosing this movie to represent the Cubbies!
St. Louis Cardinals (The Longest Yard. Either version: 1974, or 2005)
The movie forces you to hate the law abiding guards because they're arrogant, and they're elite as a football team. I'm a Reds fan, so don't even try to refute this one.
Milwaukee Brewers (The Shawshank Redemption-1994)
Can you believe this movie never won an Oscar award? Brewers fans can't believe it either. Trust them.
Pittsburgh Pirates (Black Sheep-1996)
The movie stars as a man who is a complete black sheep in his own family. The Pirates star as a professional sports team who are a complete black sheep in their own family.
Cincinnati Reds (Roundhay Garden Scene-1888)
That's not a typo by the way. Even as a Reds fan, this isn't going to be too fun for me anyway. The Reds were the first professional sports team in North American history, and Roundhay Garden Scene is the oldest surviving film of all time.
Los Angeles Dodgers (E.T. The Extra Terrestrial-1982)
This movie might have been the greatest 1980's movie, and makes you nostalgic for the 80's, but attention Dodgers fans: It's not the 1980's anymore. Get over it.
Arizona Diamondbacks (Stars Wars: The Force Awakens-2015)
Fun fact: This movie was the fastest grossing movie to 50 million dollars in cinema history. Similarly, out of every North American team in professional sports history, the Diamondbacks were the fastest team to a championship title, in only four seasons.
San Francisco Giants (Dazed and Confused-1993)
You know that movie that did very well, and everybody likes, but you can' seem to figure out why? Well, get ready MLB fans, because the Giants are playing in an even-numbered year again.
Colorado Rockies (Miracle-2004)
A movie about a hockey team, which is the premier sport for Colorado! I just need to remind Rockies fans that they waste their time every year.
San Diego Padres (Sharknado-2013)
This movie is so bad, it's actually enjoyable, and even it's fans make fun of it. Really, the entire history of the movie series is the same way.